[pet not found] deBoer

recently kicked out of the queue after ~4 month.

What's wrong with him? Since he got kicked out I added the explanation of the latin motto of his former army team and deleted in his stats the name of his piercings (didn't describe the place, just wrote the name, admittedly it was a delicate place, but I didn't mention it).

Is he NOW ready? Is there ANYTHING wrong with his story? Or the code? Or the art? Or...

... because I have no idea what could be wrong...

Help?

I'm not completely sure but it took a few minutes for everything to load, graphics-wise. Like the red lines kept blinking until finally it stayed and your human image kind of pixelated itself in there after a bit. I've never seen that happen before? It may very well be just my computer but I thought it was strange.

But besides that, the centering is off on your stats/bio type box and the > at the end of each thing may be looked at as a mistake, maybe replace them with : Also, I know I was told several times not to have a different language on the pet or profile. I suppose it'd be fine in the story but maybe the graphics is what's wrong there?

That is indeed very strange as the two pictures the animation exists of are roughly 300x500px and has about 230kB The background is a bit bigger, that's true, but you said you had problems with the animated picture?! That it it is pixelated is because it is a .png and instead of loading row by row it does load first a rough pixaleted version that refines and sharpens while loading. There is nothing I could do against that sadly. I corrected the stats box bein off. I actually like the > instead of the : but if that could be a reason for being kicked out I will change it. I added an explanation of what the latin words mean, actually it is like the motto Semper Fidelis of the US Marine Corps, just for a German unit, so I would find it a bit odd to not write it in latin... especially seeing that a pet (Torero) with quite a bunch of spanish words in the story winning the pet spotlight.

Oh and thank you for your reply, any suggestion is welcomed!

Yeah the > works better, but it may be viewed as like an extra one at the end of something like </p>> So it's worth a try for now.

I really don't know why the language thing would mess anything up for spotlight, I just know that I had received a warning way back because my profile had Japanese writing on it. Maybe things have changed! :)

I'm not very good with code and such so I hope you find someone that can help you further!

True, it may have looked like something go wrong with the stats. Thank you! c:

If that few latin words would really be the reason he got kicked out of the line then I really find it very picky - or how to say in English? I actually can't find anything that big what could be the reason for being kicked, I am just very clueless here (not to mention frustrated, but I ranted already on another thread)

I didn't have a lot of time before (I apologize!), but now that I can sit down and fully look at deBoer:

I mean, I do aim for spotlight, but I wouldn't want to water down my pet's characters in order to fit rules made by someone else, you know? So I think you shouldn't have to "squeeze and crop and cut the story" to fit the style Subeta is looking for, don't try to constrain your beloved pet for that :)

However! Hopefully the reason he was kicked was because of something else. These are probably not the reason he was kicked but I'll list them here just in case! :)

>> I did a light reading of your story, and I did catch some typos. However, the story is still readable and understandable. But if you'd like, I would be happy to read it again and sMail you some typo fixes? Though I will not be able to catch every single typo but I'd do my best :) (Alternately, I'm not sure if is still doing this but I found their thread a few weeks ago and they offer editing services! LINK) >> All of the text in the style that ""What you might not know is that most of my self is hidden. What is hidden will surprise you. What is hidden will astonish you. If you dare to find out more, if you dare to hold me close, you will find that there is so much about me that can not be phrased in any existing words. But that is my strength, my shield, my sweetness. Dangerous it is, yet I will always be there, waiting."" is in might be hard to read? I notice the white shadow to make the dark text easier to read, but it's still not the easiest thing to read? Maybe simply bold + italics + maybe even centering it (but using a light color like the rest of the text in the story) could still set it apart but be easier to read? >> Maybe explain "Amari-Asta" ? I'm not quite sure what it is, and pasting it into Google didn't really help? o: I'm guessing it's a term of endearment, but I wouldn't know for sure! >> It could be the drug thing? Maybe you can use medicals like you suggested? >> Could also be that shower scene, but not my area of expertise :c (pet spotlight is still new to me haha!) >> Might just be the more mature nature of the pet, in which maybe someone who has more experience with darker pets winning spotlight would be able to help with this?

No worries I also had not time to reply earlier ;)

I want to try to figure out what was wringt with him and try it another time, butif the story itself is the reason, then I would rather do not want to win than totally change it. ^^ As you said, it would be not worth it. It's my baby, dot. XD

So, then lets see: 1. typos

If you could do that would be super sweet of you! That would be a great help!

2. spells

I can think about something for making it easier to read. Maybe turning the spells into an image so I could use a special, Sanskrit-like font or so. I'm sure I can think of something nice EDIT: Done. I think that should be now nice to read ^^

3. Amari-Asta

This actually is a term used by nephilim for the one person they love from the bottom of their heart. Their soul-mate, kinda. In the text I described it with these words: "At least he had been not only the investigating federal agent in case of Gerrit's kidnapping, but since he had quitted from his job and found him a couple of years ago he was also his lover. His dearly beloved. His Amari-Asta." Is that not clear enough? I thought it would be ^^;

4. drugs / meds

I'll change it a bit later today. I think it is saver that way. EDIT: done ^^

5. shower scene

I thought about this, but I have no idea what to do else with that scene. Naked in bed would be even more critical. A bit fooling around in the shower had seemed in my eyes a bit less... suggestive...

5. dark pet?

That won't ever change. He is like he is and if that is the reason he won't win, then he will not win. I can live rather with than with betraying his real nature. ;)

Thank you already for the help, maybe the changes will be enough that he will be nominated a second time (and this time not rejected again)

3. Oooh yes I see now! That makes sense :)

Also, sMailing you shortly with the typo fixes!

I've edited the story now! I hope now it is no reason for rejection any longer XD Thank you so much, I credited you of course ^^

You're very welcome! And no need to credit me, I'm glad I could help (:

I skimmed it again, and I caught some more typos, I'll list them here~~

Typos

Cold sweat beaded on his forehead and silent, suppressed moans came from his parted lips as if he would be in pain. >> Cold sweat beaded on his forehead and silent, suppressed moans came from his parted lips as if he was in pain.

His skin was even paler than usual, what accentuated the freckles on his face even more. >> His skin was even paler than usual, which accentuated the freckles on his face even more.

It was instead an of worry, even sadness, >> It was instead an expression of worry, even sadness,

There was still a long way to go, but the first time in his life, he felt like he wasn't alone anymore. >> There was still a long way to go, but for the first time in his life, he felt like he wasn't alone anymore.

Instead of devouring him, Gerrit chose to just remove the corrupted, distorted part of Azrael's soul >> (oops, my edit of this was wrong the first time! to match with the sentence before it --> ) Instead of devouring him, Gerrit had chosen to just remove the corrupted, distorted part of Azrael's soul

Also, I received your PM! Thank you for the code! I'll have to play around with it sometime, and I'll let you know if I get stuck! :D

Ooops, you are right, I'll change it in a moment. And no problem I'm very happy to help! :)

EDIT: Why the heck deletes subeta the word "expression" ? Because it is there in the code, just not on his profile!