I am 23 years old and just recently feel SO lost. I left my job because I absolutely hated it, no clue what I even want to do. That is weighing pretty heavily on my heart. Another big issue is, I love my boyfriend for whom I have been dating for over 3 years. But I dont know if that is just because I am so comfortable. He is a good guy and no I am not a girl who wants someone bad xD It just feels like everyday I am lying to myself. I dont really get the urge to makeout with him, the sex is usually boring and he wants it even less than what I do, so its only about 3 times a month and when we do it, its SO boring. It makes feel unattractive that he doesnt want me all the time, but then again... do I even really want it?

Awhile back I had fallen for a guy online that I met off of neo. It was very long distance so we never met up or anything, but what I did was wrong and I had never done that before. Long story short we broke it off months ago and I am still torn up about how much I liked him and the fact that I thought about leaving him over this guy. If I was going to do it once, what is stopping me from leaving in the future?

I dont want to sound like a bad person because I do love him. But I dont know what that love is yet. He is in love with me and lately has been getting jealous of every guy that shows me a little attention, he wants to have a family like right now, but he has not asked me to marry him and some things should try to come first.

I always have wanted a really good guy, and I have one so I try to treasure him, but the lack of lust and consideration is an issue I am not sure how to overcome. I have tried talking about it so it has failed. Do I just take it? Or do I move on.

I just dont know where this will go. And I dont know what to do. Has anyone ever felt like this? And what did you end up doing?

p.s. Thanks for listening to me rant ^^

Comfortable isn't a bad thing to be. And no matter what, all relationships will at least have lapses of intense feelings or twitterpation. It all really comes down to what you want, though. Is the lack of sex bothering you? Is it a non-issue? Do you wish it was more interesting and engaging? Do you feel like it's SUPPOSED to be despite your own indifference? Is he willing to do things to shake it up or make it fun again?

It's important to know if you're tired of how you feel WITH him or if that's how you feel in general. Nothing wrong with being indifferent about sex overall and it ain't gonna be fireworks every time. It's just a good idea to determine if it's THAT sex with THIS guy that's not interesting or if you inherently have a lack of interest overall. It sounds like you might not but possibly only know what it's like with this specific partner? I don't have an answer for this in particular, it's just something that's good for you to determine for yourself and ruminate on some.

If you feel like comfortable is just a nice way of saying 'we've settled' and you keep him just because you have him and not because you necessarily feel romantic love towards him anymore, then it might be time to cut loose. But if you feel like this is just a cry for spicing up your existing relationship, then I would pursue dialogue with your dude that much more earnestly. Let him know that you love him, but you're feeling stifled and bored with where your relationship has gone. Talk about ideas to make things fun, both in and out of the bedroom. Also, if you feel your final goals of being together (marriage, kids, careers, etc) don't match and he isn't willing to compromise, it might be another sign it's time to move on.

Also, just as an aside, make sure you're not hooked on the thrill of fresh romance or infidelity. Cuz those things CAN cause a major rush that's crazy exciting, but cheating isn't wise and, like I said at the start, all romance cools over time.

Bear in mind this and none of the above is said with any judgement intended and I apologize in advance if my tone every came across that way! You're likely a nice girl who's just trying to figure out what you want out of life, and that sort of determination can be a lifelong endevour, !

It is very possible to love someone but not be IN love with that person. People fall out of love every day. You care for him, but don't find yourself attracted to him anymore and that's ok. It sounds like both of you are just going through the motions. Even when you fall out of a love a breakup is still hard. It's weird going from a relationship to being on your own again. That strangeness will pass. Give it some time and do your own thing for a while until the right guy comes along. You don't want to become dependent on being in a relationship and start dating guys long term just to have a man in your life.

You both have hit the nail on the head. So many of those things hits home for me and I just dont know what I want to do yet... But things that are meant to be will happen.. I am just waiting to see how I will handle it all @.@

Thank you both for taking the time to talk to me ^^

You're very welcome. Hope things turn out well for you regardless of where you go with this issue.

Isn't 3-4 year mark of relationships about time when people get a bit jumpy about it?

I really think so xD

You're going to have to take some time and really think about what it is you actually want. Do you want to work on trying to fix this? Or or do you feel you're done and that it can't be repaired?

Comfortable can be nice, but there is definitely such a thing as too comfortable. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was "Never let yourself forget you can lose them; that way you'll never take them for granted." Being too comfortable means you've accepted that regardless of behaviour, they will never leave - which just isn't true. It honestly sounds like you've gotten to the point where you're both so comfortable that you don't feel like you need to put any effort into the relationship anymore.

So, is it worth trying to fix?

You're still young, and this has been a (relatively) long-term relationship - it's very likely you're itching to experience something new before ultimately getting tied down. Cold feet can be normal, healthy even - but you have to decide now if losing him is worth answering that "what if?", or if leaving that question unanswered is something you can't live with.

Regardless of your decision, you will need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about this. A relationship takes two, and if you decide you want to put the effort in, he's going to have to agree to do the same - otherwise you'll just be right where you started. If not? Well, you'll still need to discuss it with him regardless, it'll just be a very different conversation.