This is the beginning to a story I've had in my head for ages. I'd appreciate any commentary.

A storm was coming, that was clear.
I stood, staring off into the night sky, where the moon and stars had disappeared behind a thick layer of clouds.  The smell of rain enveloped me, and I closed my eyes, letting it calm me.  A cool breeze carried the smell across my body, making my sparkling green dress flutter.  I had bought the dress for this party, an expensive piece of clothing but well worth it.  I had to have something nice for my father’s wedding, after all, and what’s a wedding without a party?
As I let myself feel the cool wind flow across my dress and through my hair, an unexpected sensation surprised me.  A hand had slipped into mine.  I opened my eyes and turned to see the wonderful chocolate eyes of my childhood friend, Eden.
Eden was handsome in an understated sort of way.  He was tall, with brown hair almost as long as mine and a thin mustache that really didn’t suit him.  His hands were rough, an artist’s hands, but it was a welcome feeling that I had known all my life.  He was my best friend.
“Come on, Rowena.  It’s late, I’ll walk you home.”  I reluctantly pulled my gaze from him and led the way.  My father and his new bride were staying the night at the inn before leaving on their honeymoon in the morning, so I would have the house to myself.  Well, it was an exaggeration to call it a house.  Like most homes in my village, it was a simple two-room shack with an outhouse, but it was home to me.
I reached my home just as it started to sprinkle outside.  Thunder rolled distantly, a warning of things to come.  But my home was sturdy, and minus a few small leaks, it would hold.
I invited Eden in, secretly hoping for some help getting the pots out of our high cabinets so I wouldn’t have to worry about mopping up puddles in the morning.  He gathered the pots, handing a small one to me so I could boil water for tea.  A cup of tea before bed was always nice, but during a storm, it was a necessity.
When the leaks were taken care of and the water was set to boil, I headed off to the single bedroom to change out of my dress.  I slipped a loose shirt over my head, then grabbed the pajama shorts I had made myself.  They were bright orange with yellow flowers embroidered on them.  As horribly ugly as they were, I had made them to be the most comfortable thing I had.
The water had finished boiling while I was changing and Eden had decided to make himself a cup of tea.  He normally wouldn’t be caught dead with one, but he secretly had a fondness for it that I couldn’t deny him.  He had relaxed in one our rickety wooden chairs, leaving our single rocking chair, and my favorite perch, for me and my cup of tea.  “I hope you don’t mind,” he said, motioning at me with the chipped mug containing his hot beverage.
“If I’d wanted it all to myself, I wouldn’t have heated so much water,” I joked as I sat myself sideways in the rocking chair.  My legs hung over the armrest, which creaked a bit under their weight.  Father would kill me for sitting like this, I thought.  He always scolded me for it, saying one day the rocking chair would just collapse underneath me and he would have to make another.
It was raining harder now, evidenced by the fact that the familiar “Clink, clink, clink” of water dripping into our pots had begun.  I closed my eyes and sipped my tea, listening to the rain.  Eden coughed, and it startled me for a moment.  “Sorry,” he chuckled.  I relaxed back into my seat, feeling the world rock around me as I drifted off.

I woke to the sound of thunder.  I lifted my head, disoriented for a moment.  Wasn’t I- Oh.  Eden the Manly-Man carried me to bed again.  This was a more common occurrence than I was comfortable with, and I teased Eden for it on occasion.

I got up, a heavy roll of thunder making my home shake. The rain was pouring down now, and I could see bright flashes of lightning through the windows. This storm was worse than I expected. I glanced around, wondering if Eden had stuck around instead of walking home in the rain. Not seeing him, I stuck my head out my front door and called his name, only to be shocked by what I saw. Several homes were on fire, the result of lightning strikes. Soaked villagers were running everywhere, trying to save the homes, even though we knew the efforts would be fruitless. They always were whenever there was a fire. Despite this, however, I slipped on a pair of shoes and ran out to see if I could help. Something bothered me, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. Visually, I knew something wasn’t right, but the lightning flashes, coming one after another, were a bit disorienting. I didn’t have time to dwell on it, however. I had to help. I stopped one of the familiar faces passing me by, a shopkeeper by the name of Orlen. My father bought most of his goods from this man, and I knew he could be trusted. “Where are the families?” I shouted over the rolling thunder. “Taking refuge at Town Hall,” he replied. I breathed a sigh of relief, thanked him, and headed off in that direction to see if I was needed. As I approached, a bright flash appeared, causing the only stone building in town to explode and throwing rubble everywhere. I dropped to the ground, a large chunk of flying rock barely missing my head. The sound was deafening, and for several moments afterward I couldn’t move. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and lifted my head. It was Orlen, who helped me to my feet. I stood gingerly, making sure my feet would hold me up, and looked back at the pile of rubble that had been Town Hall. It was entirely unrecognizable as anything but a ruin. I began to say a prayer for the poor souls inside, but stopped when I saw something. The lightning had mostly stopped, giving my eyes the chance to see what had bothered me so much just a few minutes earlier. Silhouetted against the clouds was a large, balloon-like shape. I stood, frozen, as the rest of the villagers around me ran to the southern village gate. One bumped into me and I regained my senses, turning and following the crowd out of the village, getting as far away from the balloon as possible. There was a crowd around the gate as villagers tried to push through. I noticed Eden’s tall figure several feet ahead of me. I called out to him, but he didn’t seem to hear me, and the crowd was too thick to push through. Instead I continued on, watching him as he approached the gate. As he was about to pass through, screams erupted throughout the first several rows of people and I watched as some tried in vain to squeeze back inside the gates. I watched as some of them were snatched to the ground by long, dark tendrils. I watched Eden as he made his way through the dispersing crowd, finally having spotted me. He didn’t see the tendril that was sneaking up behind him. It wrapped itself around his ankle, tripping him. He kicked at it, but it didn’t seem to notice. My dear friend looked up at me, a look in his eyes that I had never seen before but knew as fear. I reached out to him, just a few feet away, but the tendril was already dragging him off. “Run!” He shouted! “Go, Rowena! I’ll find you!”