So it has been almost 2 months post-breakup. I've struggled through the acceptance and anger and truly have a clear mind about the whole situation now. I dated this guy just shy of a year, but I've have known him for much longer. Basically, I was always more into him than he was into me. He lead me on without giving much of a commitment, but overtime I tried to walk away, he'd convince me to stay. As I look back, we were both very unhappy in a destructive cycle. [He wasn't able to give me what I wanted so I was unhappy, and because I was unhappy and distant, he would pull away..etc etc.] I spent 2 years waiting for him. And he eventually answered that by cheating on me with a mutual friend while I was in the next room. Funny enough, a week after that, he was so upset that he told me he "loved me" and could picture marrying me within the next year. I can't trust a word he says. He never acted like he wanted me while we were dating (hence the unhappiness), and now that he is saying it, it just really isn't believable and it's the same thing that happened when I tried to pull away previously. Only this time he pushed me out. So I have decided to wash my hands of this and give up all hope that I was holding onto. Done.

So I have to see this guy in a couple months because we are both going to a mutual friend's wedding. My goal is to be completely over him AND not be dating anyone else. I have set aside this next year of my life to work on me and my career. I am drawn to emotionally unavailable men and I NEED to stop this cycle. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore. I don't even think of him very fondly because our relationship ended in a cheating scenario. However, everyday, I still miss him which is CRAZY. But then I realized that I didn't necessarily miss him but the companionship that he gave me.

So here's what I need: How do you suggest that I can stop ruminating over this guy (who is so obviously toxic to me) knowing that I'm just lonely and want companionship? How do I stop wanting companionship? How do I accept being alone and being okay with that?

Insightful truths, suggestions, examples, wake-up calls. They are all welcome. I am desperately trying to get over this guy and move on with my life.

I'm glad you realized that this person and your relationship was toxic to you. Like you said, you were much more invested than him, resulting in you being much more attached. You shouldn't stop seeking companionship in someone else because you were hurt or because of him. However, you can refuse HIS companionship. You know what happened between the both of you and what you can't give your heart to him. If you go alone or with someone to the wedding, that is none of his business. You feel like you're missing him because of what you feel/felt for him, not the person itself.

You need to take care of yourself and push his toxicity out of your life. I've been there and it's not easy to get over it, but it is possible and I feel much better today. Peharps you could see a psychologist or a therapist to talk about how you feel and what happened?

You sound very mature from this post and it seems like you really understand the situation objectively. So that's great, don't be too rough on yourself. It's only been two months so it's perfectly normal to feel this way. Emotions aren't logical and it's ok to have these feelings as long as you know what you really want and that he isn't it.

So that being said, you need to give it more time and really try to get over him. The name of the game is distraction. Keep yourself busy, force yourself if you have to, and be with friends as much as you can. If you haven't already, stop texting him and (more importantly) stop looking at any of his social media and take a hard stance against looking at it. Block the URLs if you need to. No contact at all is the optimal way to get over any relationship.

I'd take that stance at the wedding as well. Whether you go alone or not isn't his business. Don't talk to him, and if he talks to you, be cordial but leave the conversation. He cheated on you, you don't owe him anything.

I found for me personally, when I went through a rough break up with a similar ending, I filled my time by learning new hobbies, exercising, volunteering at the local crisis hotline, and spending a lot of time with my friends and socializing more in general. And I came to realize the reason I had been drawn to such an unhealthy, manipulative relationship was that I had low self-worth at the time and he had been taking advantage of that. I now see it as a lesson learned and am now with someone I am extremely happy with, who cares for me and probably wouldn't want to be with the person I used to be.

Right off the bat, I'm going to say that two months is not nearly long enough to be completely over someone. Even adding a couple months onto that won't be enough. It's going to be tough, but you just gotta keep holding on and reminding yourself that your feelings WILL pass or lessen with time. If you ever get discouraged, just think about the progress you've made so far and know that you'll continue to make more progress.

I heartily agree with Zeppelin about ceasing all contact with him (if you haven't already) and avoiding his social network profiles. I also agree with avoiding him at the wedding. It's probably not realistic to expect that you'll be over him by the time you have to interact with him, but it IS entirely realistic for you to have perfected your iron outer defenses by then. Practice what you'll say if you see him and get it down. Contact someone who you know is going to be at the wedding who can be your support and keep an eye on you if you need help during the event (i.e. - by coming to grab you if he tries to corner you into a conversation). Arm yourself and be prepared to show him what you want him to see--that you're doing just fine without him and that you're living your life to the fullest.

As for not wanting companionship, I don't think silencing your emotions will work out particularly well. It's normal to want that closeness. You just need to find it in a positive way. Maybe try working on deepening your friendships and family ties while you wait to feel ready for another romance? You could also develop a new hobby, or just go to places (like the movies) by yourself and really feel the experience of doing something fully for yourself, without distractions or the need to keep up a conversation. Try to think of the act of being alone as freedom rather than loneliness. There will be loneliness in it at times, sure, but not always.

Above all, keep your chin up. You're worth more than him and you'll find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Hey girl!

I'm going to address your second question first, because it's the most profound.

You will never stop desiring companionship. You will always crave someone to rely on, to care for, and to care for you. People are social beings-- why do you think humans have such an advanced language? Because we want to communicate. However, your word choice reveals a lot, and I think on some level you already know what I'm about to say- you don't need a BOYfriend, you need a friend. You need a companion, same as everyone else. And you can fill the void he left with other people. I know it sounds weird, but think of friends as surrogate boyfriends. They can fill the same needs (except for the physical, obviously.) as a boyfriend does- the need for attention, for frequent human contact, for someone to simply be there.

As for how to stop thinking about him, the answer is to simply give it time. It took me a while to get over my last dating fiasco, and we weren't even together for 5 full months. (It also ended in cheating, except far worse and he only truly left my life after police intervention.) You need to let yourself think about him sometimes, and then identify what about him you keep remembering and what you miss. Once you identify that, ask yourself some questions about why you're thinking about those specific parts of your ex and what needs you still have unmet and how to meet those needs.

As for how to be alone and okay with that, you need to come to your own terms with that. And the best advice I can give you is to seek professional help-- they are truly an underutilized resource for people like yourself. You need to learn to love yourself first, and people who are attracted to emotionally unavailable men tend to have low self esteem. If you accept yourself, and learn to love yourself, you will probably find other things begin falling into place.