i spent an unholy amount of time trying to decide what board to put this on so if its on the wrong one i'm sorry!!

anyway, i've been with my boyfriend for about a year and we decided to move in together. we've been on holiday and spent a lot of time together. i really love him and we always got along amazingly, it felt like a perfect match. we're from different cities, and because he has a career and already lives in london we agreed to get a flat there. now, i have given up a lot to move here, i have given up my job, the comfort of home, seeing my friends and family every day etc. apart from my boyfriend i have literally no one in this city. i saved up money so i could afford the rent whilst i didn't have a job. i was really really excited to move and have our own flat in a city which i've always loved.

however, it is the complete opposite of what i thought it would be like. i hate it. i've applied for many jobs online and haven't really heard anything, my boyfriend works long hours (he leaves at 10am and he doesnt come back until 11pm sometimes), and i can't afford to go out and do things on my own. i am so so lonely. i spend my days applying for jobs, cleaning the flat, and creeping on the internet...its boring, its horrible. at first it was great, i loved exploring the area but now money is tight. my boyfriend is being really inconsiderate, like hes constantly on my back to find a job and i'm already stressed about that (even though i've applied for about 50 jobs and i'm sorting out my cv so i can start handing it out). i got really upset with him last night as he has fridays off and we always spend time together, i look forwards to these days a lot, and at the last minute he told me that he was going out with his friends today and wouldn't be back until late. and i'm not saying that his life should stop because i've moved in with him, but is it too much to ask for him to be a bit more considerate, especially since i gave up everything to move with him.

i told him how i felt last night and he really wasn't comforting. he said "demi you've only been here a month" but i have spent majority of my time on my own. i told him how i have given up so much to be with him and he was telling me how everything will be fine when i get a job (however in the mean time i just have to grin and bear it?) and that he knew i would end up feeling like this. he said how i should just go out and do things, but considering it costs about £6 at the most to catch the tube, if i were to do that i would have no money left. he got really horrible and said "oh are you trying to say that i should be giving you money?" which, of course, i wasn't trying to say that. at the moment i'm really upset and he is being pretty much blaming me for not helping myself out but essentially i feel trapped. i also try talking to him about what would happen if can't get a job before i run out of money and he is not supportive, he literally said "if you don't get a job then there is something wrong with you" and thats something that you dont want to hear. at the moment he is also being extremely condescending and talks down to me like i'm an idiot, even though i ask him countless times not to speak to me like that.

i do everything for him: clean the flat, make sure everything's tidy, wash the pots, clean and iron his clothes, clean up after him etc. and yet he isn't grateful in the slightest and i feel like a cleaning lady. and yet when i ask him to do me a favour he gets really snappy. needless to say he has gone out with his friends today and i'm at the flat.

he told me that i should just go back home if i don't like it, and honestly i just want to do that. i don't know if i sound selfish but i just feel so awful here. i'm so lonely and i just want to move back to my home town and start afresh. things were so perfect before we moved, i had a steady job that paid well, i was around my friends and family, and we got on really well. i'm really starting to think that i made an awful mistake.

i just need some advice, i was speaking to my mum and she said that only i can make up my mind on what i should do, but i'm not too sure if i'm just overreacting?

It's hard to tell what the issue is without having been there, but from what I have read it sounds a bit like he feels a little resentful of you for not having a job. Before moving in with your bf, how well were you able to communicate with him?

Communication is so important in relationships. If he's not prepared to consider you, or be supportive of you then that is a red flag. He doesn't seem to care how his actions affect you, nor is he prepared to make any compromises. It's not as if you moved there and aren't making an effort to get yourself set up.

If this is how it is now and he is not prepared to sort anything out with you, it's not going to get better. Personally I would try to make it clear to him how you feel again, and if he is still this inconsiderate and selfish, I would consider moving back home. Before you end up becoming really unhappy.

I have a friend in a similar situation. Things are just so different when you move in together, but from the sound the way you are treated....Leave. Leave now while you still have a little money of your own. I say this because my friend did not leave and now she is penniless and entirely dependent on a despicable human being who abuses that power. It is a situation that can get worse rapidly as resentment grows on both sides.

So, don't shoot me, but I am going to agree with the bf, at least partially. From my experience with my own roommates, it was an absolute pain in the butt to live with someone without a job who was home all day (for both me and them). When you're home all day, you're ruminating about all the things you regret and don't like and want, so it's really easy to get bogged down in a sort of depression. And when your bf comes home after a long day of work, and you're already in a bad mood because you've been thinking about this all day long, you will automatically become short with each other.

So I'm going to put your doubts about the bf aside for a bit. Do you want to live in London? It really sounds like it was your dream and something you were interested in. If that is the case, hang in there and pursue every job imaginable. When my roommate finally got a job after 6 months, our relationship improved DRAMATICALLY. Question. If you were not dating this guy, would you still want to live in London, separately, on your own? Or, did you move to London with him with a sort of fantasy and idealized life in your head? If the latter, It is probably best to move home, to be honest. This will only create more resentment and the relationship will end anyways. But if the problems that you're having with your bf are due to not being able to find a job, I would redouble my efforts. And if you truly need it (after finding said job), move out but stay in London. Then you can separate your feelings.

I think it's hard right now because the outlook for both the career and the relationship look bleak and it's difficult to separate your feelings from both of these. I wish you all the best.

I don't want to presume anything about your relationship, but I'm seeing some red flags in your post and honestly I'm a bit worried for you. I can understand that emotions might be strained because of such a big move, but if someone is literally telling you that there's "something wrong with you" if you can't find a job and if they're acting resentful of you despite all of the things you do for them then that person doesn't seem like someone you should be living with. You're in a completely new area, you're vulnerable, and you're trying your hardest to put together a new life with what little resources you have. Partners are supposed to be supportive of one another, not tear each other down. I'm going to have to agree with what Dot said about leaving before things escalate and you run out of money. Being stuck in a place so far from your support network with a person who sounds like they are already resenting your presence could lead to a much worse situation (I hesitate to say abuse but it's not an ending I'd rule out).