I think I have an issue with those two.

For once, I don't tolerate lying at all. No while lies and no small, "harmless" lies out of convenience. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, but knew him long before that. I love him, but I am concerned that I may never be able to forgive him that he lied to me in the past...not completely, not enough for me to not feel somewhat upset about it when I think about it.

We talked about it a lot. He and I come from different backgrounds and for him, lying about small things out of convenience was normal and not considered bad. I don't think he did it in the time since we've been together, but my mind is always like "How can I really know?" He is very open to my needs and he feels really bad about it, he even stopped with small lies to others, because I don't like it. (To clarify what I mean with small lies: "It's really late and I should go to sleep soon, I'm really tired." when you actually want to go home and do something else, but you don't wanna hurt people or don't feel like explaining)

I realize that pretty much everyone does small lies, but I just can't accept it. He promised he wouldn't do it again and I really want to trust him. People make mistakes and confront them and regret it...and change. I do as well. I feel like I should be capable of forgiving and it really upsets me that I am not. It adds quite a lot of stress to me.

There is one thing I have a particularity hard time with and it involves another woman. It was from the time before we were together, but we were close and semi-intimate. What he did not tell me, was that there was another woman in a same situation as me. He didn't really plan to date any of us at that time yet, so he didn't have any obligations. But we agree that he should have been clear about it with both of us. I once asked about a folder on his computer and he said "some drawings she send to me, nothing interesting, trust me". "Trust me"...I don't think I will ever forget that. But I get why he did it. He was getting close to 2 women, but not being serious with us yes and didn't want to ruin the options <.< He liked me, but didn't have definitive feelings for me then (as he totally does now), but that was not the case for me. I had feelings for him and I guess that makes me feel cheated. But I don't think it's really fair for me to feel that way. I wasn't exactly open about how I felt either, so we are both at fault.

It's been a long time since and our relationship evolved very deeply. I know pretty much everything about him, which involves the lying scenarios. He basically forgot that he had lied to me about it and talked to me about it openly. He made the decision in the past, but made a different one later, a decision to tell the truth. Why can't this be enough for me?

I am sorry for a long post.

It sounds to me like you're far too preoccupied with your trust issues to really focus on the relationship for what it is. I think he's probably still "lying" to you because you don't want to hear harsh truths and he doesn't know what else to do.

So, "why can't it be enough?" I'm guessing there's some kind of trauma you dealt with that involved truth and trust, like a parental figure who let you down. If that's true, you would probably want to talk to a therapist or at least read a few clinically-proven self-help books. If it's not the cause of your feelings, you might have to do more soul searching to find that answer.

Well, I'm not giving him a hard time or anything and it's not that often in my mind, but it does bother me. I don't know... I always appreciate harsh truths over lies, even if the truth is about past lying and he knows that. Plus it would be much worse if I found something on my own.