Trigger warning: This is depressing. Kind of. It's SFW, but it could be a triggering topic.

Anyway, I have depression and anxiety and all that fun stuff that I paid a guy in a suit to tell me I have. I also paid him to give me some chemicals that I force down my throat daily to keep myself sane. Sometimes, however, something happens. I'll forget to take the pill that day. I'll forget to take that pill at the right time. I'll forget to refill the prescription. Something of that sort. That messes me up. But it doesn't stop there. I'll forget to take the pill the next day. That's when the shakes come in. The shakes mean my body is dependent on this chemical. My brain doesn't know what to do without it. So it goes crazy. It thinks bad thoughts. Thoughts that people aren't supposed to have. That's what I've been told, at least.

On days like these, I get very lonely. I crave human attention. I crave companionship. I am bad with people and scare them away, and my self-esteem is nonexistent, so I don't have a dating partner or anything of that sort. I find it difficult for me to trust people in that way.

I hate having these feelings. They are going to continue all night and possibly into the day. I can't tell friends about it because I don't know how to start to talk. I don't know what they'd say. Get over it? They can't help me? Sorry? Things of that sort.

/end depressing mini rant.

Anyone else have depression/anxiety/crippling loneliness? If so, -hugs forever-. If not, -hugs forever anyway because crippling loneliness-

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my adult life too. At a certain point, I got tired of not being honest with friends and family and just started confiding in them about my problems. Some got it and tried to help, some didn't and we fell out of contact. And then there were a couple who really managed to get through to me. Point is, without putting myself out there, I never would've gotten through some of the hardest times.

I think it's great that you can post it here. I think you should really think about who you think it'd be best to confide in and go for it.

The other thing to remember is if you're like me, you're probably your own worst enemy. You tell yourself "Well, that person won't like me so no point in trying," when really you have no idea what they think. I used to think only a certain kind of person would like me, and I was completely wrong. It was only after opening up to new kinds of people that I found the ones who really understood me. My husband is not someone that my old self could've ever pictured being with.

I hope my rambling helped a little bit :s If you ever need a sympathetic ear, don't be afraid to PM me or ping me for another chat in this thread. I may not be the best help but I do genuinely care and want to help anyone who has these problems.

Depression is and always has been a lifelong struggle for me. You can do this. Starting to talk is the hardest part of moving towards an open relationship with your depression and those around you. The fear is a block that you have to perpetually swing a pick at, even though it never stops existing. Be brave and know you are not alone. Make a daring step and start talking, even if it's only to Subeta, only to Youtube, only to a personal blog, or to a single friend. Talking too much is better than silence. Humans vary vastly and many have gone through this - someone WILL hear you. <3 Reach out. There are billions of hands waiting to catch you.

Do you have a smartphone? There are apps designed to help with regular medication taking, with alarms and friendly notification. If you just have a regular phone, you can also use the alarm clock function for this. Taking prescribed medication can be crucial to stability and missing a dose can be worse than never taking it; its so hard to feel 'normal' when your hormones are on the whack and takes away any progress you have made. It's a trigger that takes all your power. Take your power back and use every resource available.

and ,

Thank you both for replying and giving kind words. I hate to hear you both struggle with this too, but at least we're not alone. Dandelina, your rambling (heh, I ramble too) helped quite a bit, actually. I think I'll start with opening up to my roommate more. We have been friends for a couple of years now, and we're fairly close (no romance close, but friend close), but whenever she asks me "what's wrong?," I don't reply. Or I reply vaguely. Then I proceed to hide my feelings. I have a very hard time with opening up to anyone, really. Save for random kind folk on forums :)

Evanesce, that reminds me of going back to writing things in a journal. Or drawing. I sometimes draw out my problems. And yes, I have an Android, and I'm grabbing my phone as I'm reading this right now to try to find something like that. That should help me in the long run I'd think.

Again, thank you both for the advice. I've heard the same words many times, but the more I hear them, the more I feel better and the more I'm prone to try to make changes to adjust.

You only hear them a lot because it's truly the advice people like us have to hear. It's the only way we get better. You'll be okay ♥

A close friend of mine suffers from depression. She went on meds for a year and has just come off them and is so much happier than she was in the past. When she is down I am happy to listen to her and try my best to provide support. I think a lot of people are like me and are happy to listen and provide support if you need it, you just need to open up a little and give them a chance to help, let them know your feelings :).

If you feel up to it (and want to), I recommend that next time your roommate asks how you are feeling, just say you've been feeling a bit down lately and see how the conversation progresses. You only need to say as much as you want to, and if she understands how you feel you can become closer friends.

Don't stay with the loneliness. Don't let it eat you whole, it's toxic and you don't deserve it. I am not suffering of depression, but I have a borderline personality disorder and that emptiness that you feel? I have it when I can't stay "grey" in my mind.

First off, stop saying you scare people away. If people can't handle you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best. You're human, you have flaws and that's how it is. The real question is; are you ready to work on it? Go out of your comfort zone to achieve such thing? I think you can do it. It's a work on yourself (it's going to be hard). If you can't stand for yourself, no one will. Take the matter in hand and stir the soup, you deserve the good stuff.

As for your medication, I'd recommend post-its and the app is a good idea :)

I've suffered from depression for a few years now and I am currently in a real slump. I have had to get my dosage increased of my prozak (or however it's spelt) because the lower dosage wasn't working. I can get away with missing a day of tablets but if I miss any more I do start to feel like my mind is going awol.

I found it easier to talk to friends than I did family - telling my parents was a massive ordeal for me because I felt I was letting them down, but they're glad I told them so they can be there when I need them. I haven't told any of my other family members (whom I am usually really close to) because I don't want them worrying about me when they've got their own problems and I think that might be a problem a lot of people with depression have - they seem to believe their problems aren't worth talking about because other people have problems too, but maybe those other people need to talk as well... I dunno maybe I'm just rambling now too.

I have been off work this week because of the slump and they're getting frustrated with me which makes me feel even worse because I start to feel guilty for not going in but then I know if I went in, I'd have a breakdown and end up having to come home again anyway :(

I hope you get yourself sorted with the medication.

Thank you for starting this thread I guess I needed to ramble my feelings out too.

I don't have a lot of advice, but I DO know loneliness. It's one of those haunting things that can cling to you even when you are in the middle of a bunch of people but it feels like no one really wants to "get" you.

But hang in there. I don't think you scare people. It's just the terrible thing about this generation. Most of us are so wrapped up in our own world we forget how to reach out and be there for other people. But there ARE those people in this world. I hope you find one of them and they stick there with you. Because everyone deserves that. YOU deserve it.

Your head may say all kinds of "bad" things about you. But those things aren't true. Our heads lie to us all the time about who we are and it's hard not to believe it.

Hug for you!

I've struggled with depression since I was 13 and I definitely know how you feel. I've been on and off medications and I've seen more psychologists than I can count on my hands and toes. The depression, anxiety and loneliness eats away at you and it's just an unsettling feeling. Have you tried talking to a psychologist about anything? It can honestly be helpful, but sometimes, it's a struggle. You have to find "the one", who you feel most comfortable with. I definitely had to "date" my psychologists to make sure that we were a good fit, so I could get the help that I needed.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. Whether it's just to say 'hi' or to talk about your day, my inbox is always open. It's always a nice feeling to talk to someone who knows what you go through. Just know that you are loved and I hope things improve for you <3

-hugs- It took me a few therapists before I found the right one. It took me a while to find the right meds(gosh all those side effects.) It felt so much better when I found it, because it felt like I could live again. With friends, I can understand that. Sometimes I would tell people and they would be like I don't have time for this,(which is really more like a wtf moment.) I will admit though, some did come through for me. Some are still friends with me today. One shocked me, because it was a rl friend I told and they said if they had know they would have tried to help me sooner. Ah those little surprises in life ❤

I deal with it nearly every day despite the medication I take for my depression and anxiety. I always feel a bit lonely and the only friend I have left is my gf who lives states away. At first, with the medicine, I felt great but it looks like my body is refusing to feel better after a while of taking it.

My self-esteem is also very, dangerously, low and just ugh.

I know how it is and I suffer 24/7 but I never really tell anyone because I'm always in the mindset that no one cares. I've had depression for a very long time already.. :c

An illness grave as yours is it's not just yours to deal with alone. It affects the ones that love you no matter what, friends or family. They should be the ones to understand how hard it is for you to start talking and keep talking, or explain it. Explain how drained of energy and of will to live you feel sometimes, how it feels to wake up every morning thinking "oh, crap, yet an other day of this". An no one can nor should tell you "I know exactly how you feel", because even if your twin would go through the exact same condition, can not know how YOU feel, that is a soul-print even more unique then fingerprints. But they can help by trying to understand, by listening and by just being there whenever you need to, and go away when you feel like being by yourself. Anyway, you are never alone, because even when you are by yourself, you are in the best company...And please, please take care of you, you only have one YOU, too precious to lose.

Hugs. Huge hugs.