Wow! Your poem is welling with emotion; you have really captured the tone and diction that ensnares the reader's heart. Whoever the narrator (I know you wrote it, but the person telling the story in the poem) is, wether it be you or is just an omniscient view, has really connected with the reader.

I have just a few minor tweaks to suggest. I feel that in the 3rd line of the first stanza "can't" should be "cannot". "Hold" and "unfold" in the same line seems to have too many rhyming syllables. In the second stanza, 4th line, "come" would be better suited than "coming". Less syllables to say, easier on the ears.

I agree that the end could bne different, but it's your poem, end it what FEELS right.

Thank you so much! It's kinda one of the first poems ive ever written so this helps me alot.

Well, you write fantsitcally! I'm quite supprised to hear this is your first poem! Well done! I look foward to seeing/reading/hearing more from you, Portal.

Wow! Thanks! I'm sure that I might try writing a few more in the near future :)