Since I believe it's a bit too long to put into a forum post, I'll just link you to the pet profile. It's supposed to be a Subeta-based creepypasta which is based on my pet which I picked up from the pound not too long ago. I would love some tips and whatnot to help make the story better.

LINK

I just read the story, and I love it! I was completely engrossed, so much so that I neglected my dinner. <_< But that's a good thing! I love the idea and the execution. There isn't much concrit I can actually give you. The story is engaging and well-written.

Wow, thanks. :D I didn't really think it'd have that effect on people. Haha.

Excellent story, gave me chills! It's also pretty meta which is cool, no one likes to think about their virtual world actually coming to life 0__0 (the sheer amount of online pets I've allowed to starve for years....). Anyways, I think the flow is great and the length is just right, I only have a few minor suggestions where details could be expanded upon to make it creepier: This sentence, "It somewhat looked like my Chai, Pinecone" was a little too straightforward, I think it would be more impactful if you just described the features instead of outright saying it. Also, tiny tiny deal, but this sentance, "I clicked no but it opened anyway, my browser quickly downloaded it and opened it anyway" was a little repetitive to me with the 'anyway's. I hope this helped, it was really hard to come up with feedback because your story was already so good! :D keep writing!

Good afternoon! I've read your story and have identified a few of the weaker areas.

Are you looking for specific examples within in the text of what can be improved, or just an overall view? I am happy to go into detail sentence-by-sentence or just tell you the gist of it, whichever you prefer. :)

Hello! I don't know much about this critiquing business, but I'll do my best. There were minor grammar mistakes, and I think you should build up more suspense in certain parts of the story. However, the intro catches the reader's attention straight away, and I believe that's very important in a story. The whole story was also generally well thought-out, and well-written. The idea was also very unique; I haven't been on subeta for long, but I've never seen anything like it. There isn't really much I could find that you should improve on. I hope this helps!

I read your story and loved it. That being said there are a few detail to consider. I think you should build up the suspense more and there were a few grammatical errors but other then that i think it was a great story and very chilling to read.