None of my friends are online right now, so I have no one to talk to.

I'm worried about my friend, and I don't know what to do anymore and am feeling burnt out from trying to be there. I wrote this whole long thing and deleted it. I'm just looking for someone ho has been through something similar to talk to I guess...

You can talk to me? Honestly, its not fair to put yourself through helping her if she wont help herself. That's the biggest thing I've learned. You just have to let go and tell them that you're there when they're ready to get out of the relationship.

That is exactly the problem I have right now. I let her go, I told her I need a break, and now I feel awful. Because I feel like this should be about her, she's the one in danger and I just couldn't handle it and put myself before the person who really needs help. But everyone else has been telling me the same thing...

If you really have the guts, there is one more way you can help. Go to the police and give them a statement detailing what she has told you and what you have seen. If you have any text messages or emails or voicemails that incriminate him, bring them. They can send somebody to check out the situation and help her while keeping you anonymous.

It's mostly been emotional abuse. Like threats, making her feel unsafe, making her feel like things that aren't her fault are her fault, and isolating her. He kept her from leaving his house once. There has been some physical abuse, which makes me worried it will escalate, but not much at the moment. She did try to leave him once and he sent her harassing and threatening texts, but the phone those were on one broke, so those are gone. I don't know if going to the police will help, because I don't know if what I have is enough.

But I've been thinking and there is something I think I can do, and hopefully it will open her eyes to who he really is. He does drugs and got her into drugs. He now claims that he quit. She uses that as "proof" that he is trying to change, but I don't believe it. His behavior towards her is still just as bad, and he's lied about quitting before when he was really just hiding it from her, so I don't believe he quit. It took him a week to quit, so something seems fishy. Also she's 18 and he's 26. He's a substitute teacher, and I found out what high school he works at. I'm going to call them, I'm going to tell them he uses. Also that he's involved with this with a teenager, while also working with teenagers, I think this should concern the school. So hopefully they'll do a drug test or something. I don't believe he quit, it doesn't make sense to me, so if they do a drug test he'll be caught, and if he looses his job maybe she can see that he really hasn't changed at all.

It's hard to feel like you're stepping away from a friend in need. But as much as you want to be there, you can't force your friend into change. You can support your friend until you have no words left, but it has to be her choice to change. It's frustrating when you can see the severity of the situation, but she can't. I think you should get into contact with the school and let them know what's going on. At least then, he won't be around kids. Maybe you should also get into contact with a therapist and see if your friend will go with you to talk things out.

I'm definitely going to call the school, I've made up my mind about that. I talked to my friend a few days ago, I told her I was getting worn out. I told her I will continue to be there for her, but I need to see her make some changes. I don't expect anything big from her right away, but I know another girl who has been in similar situations and goes to NA meetings. I told her I really want her to go to the meetings with this girl. I think maybe her getting off the drugs should be the first step. I can't expect her to see things clearly if she can't think clearly. I told her as long as she goes to these meetings I'll stay around, and I think she's going to listen, so we'll see.

You are a good friend for sticking by her through her hard times. I know it's not easy, especially when it seems like she's not listening to your advice. I hope your friend does go to the meetings and gets back on the right track. Whether she changes is not up to you, but up to her.

Uh well its sad that she is in a abusive relationship but some people wont leave the other person. My aunt was being abused and it took her being bitten and kicked multiple times to call cops and even then did her husband try and play the "oh honey I love you and will change card " and she still went back a few times. If she doesnt cut the guy loose than its like shes ok with it. Things like this always come back to the person wanting to help eventually he will try to turn her against you. So just be there for her and if he hits her in front of you call the police.