So my last relationship ended with me being cheated on with his close female friend, and needless to say I was devastated. I had the feeling at the time he wasn't quite right for me as morally we were polar opposites. But I figured he'd break up with me not cheat on me and then try to cover it up.

A year onwards I meet the wonderful man I'm currently dating, and we've been together for almost a year. He's well aware of my moral views and he's patient, caring and respects me... All round a really good guy. He's never given me any signs that he's untrustworthy, but my insecurities are sometimes ridiculous with me stressing that the relationship will just end the same way.

My blood boils when I hear him talking of other girls. and I make up these cheating scenarios and try to work out how I'll handle things differently if ends badly again.

Is anyone else this crazy? Well... More importantly does anyone have any good advice?

My boyfriend knows exactly how I feel and I can see he gets upset when a fight is the end result because he doesn't understand why I pounce on little things so harshly. And to be honest I tell myself constantly that I'm being stupid, but the feelings won't go away.

Quite honestly, I feel like you should quit being so hard on him and yourself and just chill. He's never given you a reason to not trust him, so force yourself to just take a deep breath and remember how good he is to you. The biggest thing is that he IS NOT your ex. And trust me, I know that's hard to fully grasp sometimes but honey, you can't put him through a bunch of fights all over one thing that he can't control. :C

Oh, I know how you feel :( It sucks big time and I was put through the same scenario with my last boyfriend/ now ex. He cheated on me with his now new fiance, and I was devastated.

However, you are in a new relationship now. He is a new guy and just as you said he is wonderful, always aware of your moral views, patient, caring, and respects you. That is SO important in a relationship, don't let this new guy go because some guy from the past that you had feelings for hurt you, give your new love a chance. After all, every relationship is different, every relationship has different ups and downs. This man probably really does love you, guys hate when they are continuously put at certain expectation. Its so hard saying this from my own past experience but you need to try to forget what your ex did to you and start fresh. This new guy hasn't done anything to jeopardize your trust, that's a really good thing! :) Embrace that and feel confident that you have finally found something really great.

Always keep your guard up though, don't let it down fully; that's what keeps us women so cunning and smart ;) But don't let it get to the point where he feels that he isn't trusted by you at all because that there is when a guy becomes fearful and might want to end the relationship on his part. Now, making up these cheating scenarios and trying to work out how you'll handle things differently if ends bad, that WILL mess with your head. That's the worst thing you can do to both yourself, and your new boyfriend. You said it yourself, you trust him and he has given you no reason to not trust him. Why make up what might never happen, its not worth the worry or inner heart break. By you making those scenarios up, he might as well be cheating in your head hun.

The best thing you can do is relax, and cherish him. The way you talk about him even after you've gone through some bad experiences in the past that really hurt you, you make this guy sound like he is amazing.

Thanks for your advice guys, it means a lot :)

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I agree with the "he's not your ex and you have to come to terms with that" mentality, but I also know that it's a hard thing to get your brain to wrap around. Key is communication. Not fighting communication, but talking. It sounds like you've already told him about your past relationship, but in terms of the "little things", when something like that comes up, you need to take a deep breath. Talk calmly. Use "I" statements to avoid it devolving into a stupid argument. Admit that it's probably because of past experience. "Because of things that went on with my ex, I feel a little uncomfortable when you say/do X. I know I'm probably overreacting, but can we talk about it?"

I was cheated on to and it's a horrible horrible feeling. the person you trust more than anything to do something unthinkable like that... it literally tears you apart. I know. But with with someone new, you must be willing to give a fresh start.

It is not fair to you or to your partner to be in a trustless relationship - you need to patch that hole in yourself or allow someone else to patch it BUT you cannot compare your new man to an ex.

It's hard, I know it is. But I promise that until you let go of that hurt and anger you will never have the relationship with someone that you deserve to have :)

Need to talk? I'm here to help

It's really hard to trust someone when your heart is so fragile. The good thing is that he is respectful and caring and kind. With a new relationship comes renewed trust. He is not that guy and you have to try to separate those two things. Be patient and try not to psych yourself out. It's good that when you start feeling jealous or frustrated to remind yourself that he is a trustworthy and honest person or you wouldn't have given him a chance.

These things are always tricky. :c

Pft, this is definitely understandable by all means necessary. You had the terrible experience of being cheated on, but like the most cliched saying goes "time heals all wounds" and it honestly does. Your man understands you right? It's just as you said, I don't see why you would be lying to yourself. I know it's hard to trust.

And to answer your question - yeah I'm hella crazy when it comes to trust issues in a relationship. I've never been cheated on but I have had friends who had that terrible experience and I can tell it's just devastating. My blood boils too when my boyfriend used to talk about other girls; hell I get a bit mad when he's just around pretty girls. I have terribad jealousy problems maybe? But in the end, I trusted MYSELF first that I wouldn't succumb to the fact that he liked me and only me or else I wouldn't be saying good things about him to my friends or people in general.

But yeah what I'm trying to say is, you know that this man is understanding and knows where you're coming from. However the little spats you have is the cause of what you experienced. Take your time and remind yourself that this guy is different - every guy is /always/ different; but keep in mind that no one will wait forever, and you need to make a decision soon on whether you'll fully trust him in the end or not.

I can completely relate. In my last relationship, I was cheated on and lied to about it for upwards of a month. The guy I was with would mess around with me, take me home, then I discovered he would head straight over to his ex girlfriend's house afterwards... how gross is that, really? He would text her constantly and tell me it was someone else and it completely destroyed my trust for a while. Years later, I still have some minor trust issues with my current boyfriend of over 3 years, but I can promise that it DOES get better. Lots and lots better.

Most importantly, you have to allow this guy time to PROVE that he is not like your ex. Judging him prematurely is so, so unfair to him. If you go into a new relationship with so many walls and trust issues, it is going to take a very patient, caring guy to stick around. You do not want to destroy your relationship with your own insecurity-- the odds of you doing that are probably higher than the odds that this guy is a cheater at this point.

Like the users above have said, every guy is different. You had one single guy cheat on you and it takes a pretty awful person to lie and cheat like that-- most people are not that type at all. Just try and look for the good in your boyfriend, because the fact that you will argue with him and feel like he will cheat when he isn't means he is probably a pretty understanding guy who likes you a lot. Just give him a chance, and if you feel that you cannot do that, maybe taking a break would be best until you feel you have had more time to heal. Your feelings are completely justified, but you need to find a way to de-stress a bit and not take your insecurities out on him so you don't damage him either. Imagining impossible scenarios where he could be cheating will drive you absolutely mad-- when he goes out or says he's with friends, try distracting yourself by reading, watching a movie, hanging out with your own friends, etc. Fantasizing situations that will likely never, ever happen is only going to make you both miserable.

You guys are all wonderful people. Thank you so much for your advice and opinions, it really means a lot coming from an outsiders perspective. I know I need to just let time do its thing and really communicate with my new boyfriend, it's true he's a new love for me and I just need to take things slow and I'm sure I'll know when I can let my guard down a little. It does make me feels heaps better though knowing I'm not the only one with jealousy issues though :P

Thank you all again :)