To cut the story short ive been unemployed for months, and i have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who i used to live with but came home to get a better chance of finding a job. Now i dont see him much because ive been concentrating on getting a job and if i kept flying to Austria ( Im from the UK) this might affect my desirability for an employer if im always found to be not home. Today i just got rejected from another job, an entrance level job that was supposed to be for inexperienced like me however i got a call saying that unfortunately although i was excellent someone with experience came alone. This has happened to me so many times now. I was really upset, and my boyfriend had just come home from work, i hadn't spoken to him much this week because he has been busy but today was supposed to be the day we spoke..then he said he wanted to go out which was fine with me before i got the call, but when i came back crying (on skype) he said he had to go now and that he wont be back...(at first he said he was only going for a few hours so i could still speak to him) And that's it, now were in an argument because he says i don't want him to have a good time and im just saying i think hes really selfish if he doesn't want to be there for me when im clearly upset...coming home at a reasonable time at night doesn't seem to me that hard... especially since hes out again tomorrow

Is it just me over reacting because i am already upset? or is he being a bit of an arse? Opinions?

It really doesn't sound like you're over-reacting.. it's not like you asked him to drop his already arranged plans to chat to you for the whole evening, this was actually time where you had arranged to chat and he backed out even when he knew you were really upset. Tbh even if he had already arranged to go out, seeing you were that upset should probably have made him want to stop and console you, even if it was only a brief chat. And yeah, the fact that he wouldn't even consider coming back early to make time for you makes things even worse.. i'd definitely come down on the side of "he's being a bit of an arse".

i wish he could see that, All im getting is "you said it was okay" t, "youre being so selfish now if i went home at 1 my friends want to hang out with me any more ", "youre being so unfair" because i am "forcing" him to go home. and that i am "always upset" (since october my nan and dog have passed away, not having a job is just another reason why im down atm) I just dont really know what to say to him at this point in time.

Hmm, i get this with my boyfriend when we're in an argument sometimes... a lot of the time people are just unwilling to see that they're n the wrong, especially if they can cling on to any little thing like "you said it was okay!". Sounds like he's just seeing things from a selfish point of view where you were basically trying to ruin his good time, in his mind.. unfortunately it also sounds like it might be hard to make him change his mind about that. The "you're always upset" thing as well, wow... if you've had a family member and pet pass away recently, what else is he expecting? I can see that it might be taxing on him as well to be cheering you up all the time, but surely that's what a relationship is about... being there when the other person needs you.

man, i was hoping for someone to say i was being overly sensitive...but no hes just a dick as i thought, and plans on continuing on being a dick.

Yeah, i know what you mean about sometimes wanting to think it was you rather than them.. but hopefully you can talk it out, and maybe get each others viewpoints a bit more clearly? He might have some other underlying reasons for acting the way he has.

unfortunately not...now hes been drinking for a few hours hes just writing back shit to me, trying to make it that its not a big deal that i didnt get this job, when really he knows its really important to me as now i have no other interviews and im back to square one. And i really dont think he has any other underlying reasons apart from wanting to get drunk and not come home till gone 9am tomorrow morning...

Hmm, fair enough :/ It does sound purely selfish, you're right.

I don't know. I mean, you TOLD him it was okay if he went out with his friends instead of skyping, and he was probably getting ready to go out when you come home crying. His options are: Leave and have a good night with friends, OR stay and listen to you cry and gripe and moan and have to spend a good chunk just sitting there to comfort you Personally if I had plans and I was ready to go and my boyfriend suddenly called me crying (which is like not likely at all) but I knew it was related to something like job hunting that wasn't a huge deal (such as family member or friend dying) I'd probably say the same to him.. "Listen I'm really sorry about that but I have to go we can talk tomorrow get some sleep" On top of that, boys hate listening to girls cry about stuff. As you said up there he says you've always been upset, so I can totally see him thinking "Man, ANOTHER night I have to sit and listen to her whine when I was supposed to be with friends?" I think it sounds a bit like you just want him to be your cushion and the person you can vent all your gripes to and that's not entirely fair of you to expect him to always sit around and listen to all of your complaints all the time. You have a right to be mad at him but I think he had a right to not sit around and listen to you cry

I didn't ask him To stay home though I asked him If he could come home at 1 Which I thought was a reasonable time where hes still get To hang out with his mates for 7 hours BUT also get to talk To me. I just find it hard To see Why he couldn't compromise with me.

Meh, idk... 1 is kind of a weird time to ask him to come home. When my boyfriend hangs with his friends, he can be out until 4 am. 1 am is the time where all the crazy shit happens cause people start getting really drunk and stupid so I wouldn't expect him to just up and leave at that time because it's like the funnest time plus he may be drunk already... And again like I said if you're upset all the time always venting to him maybe he didn't want to compromise because he already has to listen to the same things over and over and felt like it's unfair that he has to be expected to sit and listen to you upset all the time... and if it was a night he was going to spend out with his friends why should he have to cut the evening short just to hear you cry about something you could easily talk to him about a different time? How often does he get to hang out with his friends anyway?

I'm just trying to tell you things from his perspective.. I know this from my own experience of being that girlfriend who always cries and vents to her boyfriend and pushes him away to the point of near break up. I've learned that every time I'm upset I don't have to call my boyfriend and cry about it, I can tell a different friend so that I'm not just loading all my problems onto him. Now that I've stopped constantly being upset and constantly telling him our relationship is a lot better and he actually wants to cut time out of his day to talk to me (we are long distance as well)