Being that I've learned the self-taught are easily trusted in such things as programming, I want to learn some of this myself.

Because frankly, making little flash games sounds quite appealing to me. Though I know I'm a LONG, LONG way off from that.

Where is a good spot online to learn Java and other such programming?

The best thing I know of (I don't really look around for Java and flash tutorials) is DEVIANTART

And then search for flash tutorials. Other than that I'm completely helpless in this case :-P

At first I thought you were talking about star wars. My bad. Those guys are jawas

WTH? LOL.

Just google Java Tutorials. :<

Java is totally old, though.