"Clairette, what are you doing? It's way past your bedtime." She looked up from under her thin blanket, startled by my voice. I, her older sister, (Consider including this information somewhere else in the story - preferably earlier. Right here it seems out of place) was frowning ever so slightly with bags beneath my light brown eyes and my black hair a complete tangled mess. (The narrators don't usually describe themselves in such detail. It's too blunt and doesn't leave a lot to the imagination of the reader.) "Nineveh, I was just...." "Go to bed," was my simple demand. "B-But..." she whimpered. "Now, Clairette." I said, "And turn off that stupid little flashlight, too." Reluctantly, Clairette dimmed the light and we quietly exchanged good-nights. * Morning quickly followed and I found my little sister passed out cold with pen and paper in hand and one arm around her favorite stuffed animal, Simon the goat. I knew I shouldn't be nosy, but I couldn't help but gently remove the paper from my sister's loose grasp and read it: Cake By Clairette Peterson Haunting Taunting Me to death Its sweet aroma Within my breath Just sitting nicely Upon a plate I was quite surprised It hadn't been ate Unable to control my action I thought I'd just try a minor fraction But as I bit into the cake I then soon realized it was FAKE! What an adorable little poem! I couldn't help but chuckle to myself ever so quietly to prevent my sister from waking. The alarm clock sounded, I left the room in an instant. Clairette quickly arose and got ready for her big day. Her first date. * When we went to pick up my sister, I noticed that our car was swerving? every few seconds. My dad was obviously drunk, but I’d been forced to ride with him since I didn't have enough for a taxi. Forcing the thought to the back of my mind, I looked out the window and saw that we’d arrived. My father stumbled out of the car and motioned for my sister to get in. With the slam of the car door, I couldn't help but tease Clairette. This moment was perhaps the best in her entire life, despite being deathly afraid heights. Then suddenly our lives changed quite drastically. Tires screeched. Windows shattered. The sudden impact was startling. Our car had completely flipped over and lay in a ditch, as far as I could tell with my disoriented eyes. Then it came to me what had just happened. My fool of a father had gotten himself thoroughly inebriated and still thought he could drive. Unsurprisingly, we’d careened off the first turn we got to. Shaking my mind out of the anger that was building up, I turned to check on my younger sister…the sight was horrifying. A fraction of the windshield had punched straight through her chest. Blood was rushing from her wound and her mouth. “Clairette!” I cried. She struggled to remain conscious. She glanced over toward me, and in an instant I cradled her in her battered arms. I then began to sing her favorite song. "Just close your eyes, the sun is going down..." I sang with a broken voice. "You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now..." I whispered with a broken heart. Clairette could only mumble a few undecipherable words before closing her eyes…for the last time. My lips began to quiver, tears slowly streaming down my pale face. “No…” I said in such a hushed voice I could barely hear myself. “No…no…no, no, no, no, no!” But it was useless. My sister was gone. Right there and then a bit of my sanity cracked, but the worst was yet to come. The figure in the driver’s seat shifted. Right. My father. The mere thought of my idiot father quickly brought my anger back. He’d been the one who caused all this! His following words only served to enrage me further. "You girls, okay?" He asked from behind the driver's seat. He dared. That bastard, my father, actually dared to speak as though he was innocent. I wiped away my tears as I choked on some as well. He killed her. He killed Clairette. An indescribable fury burned within me, and I screamed at him in outrage. "You monster! How could you! You murdered my sister, your daughter!" "Nineveh, I... I'm so sorry... I don't..." He mumbled. "Shut up! I'm not putting up with your crap!" < consider changing this phrase to something that will connect to the reader more. I tried to release my seatbelt and excuse myself from the conversation, but it was stuck. The car had toppled over; I was stuck with this…I don’t even consider him human anymore…until help arrived.

^ Her death seems a bit too sudden. Try to drag out the car ride in the seconds leading up to the crash.