As some of you may know , I recently (about a month and a half ago) got out of my old relationship. I then met my ex-best friends boyfriend's cousin whom I started dating in June. It was all good, I mean , minor arguments but we got through it. I didn't want to rush into anything but U really liked him. So I got back from vacation and we all chilled and we then became a couple. That's when things went downhill.

We'd argue and couldn't tell when each other was joking. However, he and I had good times as well. We share similar beliefs and both have a future planned out for what each of us want to do with our lives. But the one time I was over his mom's house and we were both hanging out and we started making out and such and I had to stop before things got further because we just started dating. He then got upset that I guess I was being a tease and then I got mad and I accused him of being like all the other guys who want sex and he got mad and pushed me down. I got real infuriated and blacked out as I yelled back and I tried walking away so I could get away from him since he took my phone and wouldn't give it back to me. He then proceeded to follow me and grab my wrist telling me if I didn't stop he'd "effing" break it. as he started to bend it back and i was screaming that I was sorry. I was really scared. He then apologized and freaked out because he had never done anything like that before in his life.

Then yesterday him and I were walking around the block and I got irritated because he was bringing up attention I got from guys or whatever and I guess I said something that upset him so he ignored me and I put down his keys and phone and walked the other direction. He came after me and put his arm around me as he squeezed the living hell out of my side as he picked my up like that and carried me a few inches away and called me a "bi***". (He always calls me that or a "c***"). I then tried to go to my mom but he started begging to give him a chance and that he was sorry and he started to get upset and watery eyed. I stood my ground and said that I was done.

However, he has been under a lot of stress because his stepdad wont let him in the house so he has to find a place to sleep every night. (He is going to get a place with his cousin though), his family member is sick, and he has to pay for himself. He's basically on his own. As soon as these incidents happened, he went right to his therapist to get help and he's going to go back on his meds. He even quot smoking for me.

What should I do? .___.

He's an abuser, leave him immediately. Violent people will never change, even with therapy they'll only ever control the urge, not stop wanting to do it. Normal people don't change, so why would violent people?

He's hurt you, made you believe it was your fault, and gotten overly jealous about things you can't control (the attention of other men). What's going on with his family is absolutely no excuse for him to ever touch you with any intent of hurting you.

Abusers often will hurt you, and then apologize afterwards so you forgive them and continue being with them. Don't fall in to the trap.

Please try to get out of that relationship asap. There is no reason to ever be violent, even if he is under stress. Not only is he physically violent, but also emotionally.

I don't think that people can't ever change, but it is a long process and you can't be sure if it'll happen. If he's already like this so early in the relationship, it seems that it'll only get worse as you get closer. Apologies only work if the person stops doing the thing they apologized for, and it doesn't seem like that's the case here. This isn't the sort of thing that is okay for you to keep having to deal with as he tries to work out his problems, it can lead to a lot of emotional and possibly physical trauma for you.

- I broke up with him. He's getting his medication on Wednesday and is going to therapy. I'm not getting back with him right away, or even at all. I was just wondering if there is a chance he could change?

As I said, I don't believe people change. Especially not ones with violent impulses, whether they're always there or appear under stress. They'll be there no matter what, no matter what therapy or medication someone is on. All therapy/medication does is help him control those urges, not destroy them completely.

No, I don't think he'll change. MAYBE he'll learn to control himself, but he'll still always get those urges to hurt.

- Even though all he did was push me and threaten to break my wrist?

He didn't just threaten to break it, he grabbed it and bent it until it began to really hurt. That's not normal, healthy behavior at all. He shoved you down and hurt your wrist, and threatened to actually snap it completely.

Saying that's 'all he did' is simplifying it and making it seem like it's not as serious as it is. Someone that is willing to bend your wrist until it's painful, shove you down, and threaten to hurt you worse is capable of REALLY hurting you, and likely will if you get back with him. It's giving him the opportunity to do it.

As someone who was in an abusive relationship.... RUN. FUCKING HELL RUN. GET OUT. NEVER GO BACK. RUN. NEVER GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE. NEVER ALLOW THIS. YOU STAY AWAY. YOU DO NOT FORGIVE AND FORGET. RUN. HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR? Even after I split w my ex, he STILL tries to be abusive because we had a kid together. He tries it by still interfering in my life and thinking he has any god DAMNED say in how I live and how I singlehandedly am raising the teenage brigade. We have been divorced for 13 years and he will not let it go because ABUSERS NEVER CHANGE. So in short, RUN.

I'm glad you got out; now never go back.

As for your question "if violent people change", I must say that sadly I don't think so. My father was abusive and violent; he's still the same today (ignoring the drugs/alcohol issue). I have anger issue as well, but I control myself (I have a mental illness tho). It's like an impulse, I agree with .

He could be better, but he will never change totally. And there are different type of violent people, those who gets help are more "normal". And saying that he will break your wrist and he pushed you? It's like saying that it was okay that my father stabbed me with a fork :/

You've been with this guy like, a month if that and he's already showing clear signs of being abusive. You definitely made the right decision to leave him. Don't feel guilty or start thinking "but what if". I do believe it's possible for violent people to change but it will never be overnight, and it's not worth risking your own wellbeing on that chance. I also believe it has to come from the person's own motivations, so staying with an abuser because you want to help them or "fix" them is just going to end badly.

I'm going to resonate the notion that you're out STAY OUT. The ONLY thing that would be ok for him to even do under this "stress" is maybe snap or cop an attitude at something you say or tried to do for him. Even at this most people will be genuine in their apology for snapping at you, they know they are stressed and took it out wrongfully on you. Violently touching you because you're holding to your ground of not giving him sex right away? Clear sign to RUN FOREVER. There's people out there who are homeless, no family ANYWHERE, no job prospects, literally NOTHING going good for them on this planet. Yet they'd still treat you with more respect than this scum.

also how close was he to said sick relative? He does know if he's 18 his parents (biological or otherwise) can legally kick him out. I get feeling sympathy for the situation but there's ZERO reason to ever call you the degrading names, physical violence, trying to keep you from your family. All of it points to someone who could be obsessive abusive. You're "his" so if you ever "betrayed" that, even if you did nothing to gain extra attention, not only would he become upset but always take it out on you. I fear for any family this guy could ever have because men like this either shift their possessive obsessions onto their kids, or they still take it out on the spouse if the kid takes "too much time" away from what he wants.

Get out stay out. If you don't believe me well there IS a reason shows like Snapped, Sins and Secrets, Wicked Attraction, ect ect exist.

- Congratulations on getting out of the relationship! Now, like everyone else has said, stay out, run far away, and never look back.

Violent people almost never change. This guy sounds like someone who has problems with obsession and possessiveness. My dad had the same problem, and it got worse over time. My mom was married to him for 20 something years. He continually abused her and me physically, emotionally, and verbally. When she finally decided to get out of the relationship, he couldn't let go of her. He started stalking me and her. He would harass me to give up her new address. He was about to buy a gun, but luckily, the gun shop person saw he was mentally ill, and sent him to the hospital. After that, his health deteriorated, but he wouldn't stop obsessing over my mom. Fortunately, he died before he could hurt me and her any further.

Long story short, the violence always escalates.

Someone who really wants to change is rare, especially adults. If he actually wants to change, good for him. It'll benefit whoever he is with later. However, don't take that chance. It's not worth your well being.

I'm one of the few people that really wanted to change. I was violent, because I was raised by that asshole of a dad. My mom was never there, so I didn't know any other way of expressing myself. I would bully and beat up people, because I just wanted someone to accept me.

In my teenage years, I finally started to get a handle on controlling my temper. I've gotten better as the years passed. I went to therapy to help me let go of my past. Despite that, I still had a small temper. I noticed that with my boyfriend. While I didn't physically abuse him, I got snappy and said hurtful things. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, so I've been going to therapy again for the last 3 months to control my temper. It's working and I'm learning to communicate my needs calmly instead of snapping needlessly.

Another long story short, violent people can change. It just takes a long time, persistence, self-awareness, and a ton of motivation to actually make that change.

Violent people can change, actually. They can get therapy to change how they think, which includes changing their violent impulses. What you said was extremely ignorant and simple-minded.

That being said, should leave him. For the time being, he is dangerous. He has to choose to get himself help. Only an idiot can see a relationship is dangerous for them and they will get nothing out of it except bruises and choose to stay in it. I'm glad she's out and she should stay out. Even if he does get better, there are bad memories there and why take the chance when there are more stable people out there?

- Just updating you guys on the situation. I am out of the relationship and me and him don't talk. His cousin told him that I was flirting with other guys(despite we were broken up and I didn't consider it flirting) and he blew up on me saying "you deserve to get beat , I should of done worse and you're dad should have done worse too" and also calling me the typical "whore, hoe, etc". Every time he'd insult me, he'd come back and apologize and say, "I need you. I feel incomplete without you". But yeah, I'm done with him. I appreciate your guy's feedback. (:

DO NOT INTERACT WITH HIM IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM AGAIN. NOTHING. NO PHONE CALLS. NO TEXTS. NO "HEY MY COUSIN SAID" BULLSHIT. NO FACEBOOK. NO IM. NO SNAPCHAT. NOTHING. NO CONTACT. HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR ? You may have to file a harassment report w/ the cops and you might hve to go so far as to change your number and get an order of protection because he sounds absolutely horrific and can and if given the opportunity will WILL cause you harm. If he comes NEAR you in ANY place, you scream. Scream FIRE FIRE because that will get a rise out of people faster than help. scream. blow a whistle. do not engage him. draw attention to yourself before he can hurt you.

- Don't worry, I do not talk to him at all. He's been told if he tries to contact him, the cops will be called. I really wish it wouldn't have turned out he was an abusive guy, but I gotta overcome it and move on (:

- You've made the best choice! There are many guys out there that will treat you with respect and not hurt you. It can be tough finding one, but keep your spirits high and it'll happen eventually. :)

I'm glad you got out of that terrible situation! Not that I want to say anything's good about a situation like that, but it's experience so you'll know the warning signs for similar behaviour in the future so you can avoid other potentially bad partners.