And by that I mean those who control others. Like say a BF telling his girl who she can talk to what jobs she can get and such.

My dad is trying to convince me that if I were to move in with my current BF that he'd control me. Not allow me to see my friends, go to work and also not see my family.

But I have an issue with this because:

1. I've been with my BF for over 2 years, and he's never once told me to stop hanging out with anyone and has only encouraged me to get a better job and car for myself, he's even helping in finding a decent car
2. My dad said he liked him and even worked with him, all 3 of us worked together even one summer when I worked at the pet/garden store and that's how I met my BF
3. My BF lets his kids go play unless they have chores to do, and when they go play he even allows the neighborhood kids to come to his yard and in the house if they need anything
4. He allows his own best friend to go over to the house whenever even if nobody is home
5. When he has people over they can stay as long as they like or til my BF is tired
6. My BF is always helping me to see the better side of things when stuff happens, like a week ago when my car blew it's transmission hose and he calmed me down and came to help me

I personally don't see where he's controlling. The ONLY thing he's asked is I not allow my best friend over there because she did stick her nose where it didn't belong and trespassed on his property. But he hasn't told me I can't be her friend or anything else beyond she isn't welcome to his home.

So I guess what I'm wondering is if someone is naturally a controller can they suppress it for this long only to have it rear up once they "have" that person? I just don't see how if it's something in someone's nature how they can suppress it for so long, like say a mean person being nice ALL the time just to lure someone in even if it takes years... I feel the meanness would show up ALOT sooner than 2 years into something. And don't most people who go for specific "victims" tend to toss those out who are too strong willed for what they want and go for someone who falls for the tricks faster/easier?

I don't know much about controlling people and how tolerant they can be with people who can't follow what they want but your boyfriend is not a controller (in my honest opinion anyway). But certain situations can change a person so basically it really is just a future problem that is unknown to any of us. And I understand what you mean by your example... but I think if a person who is really mean starts being nice to lure someone... well, that's just another thing - that's being manipulative and I don't think your bf is like that either.

As long as you hold your own ground, I don't see how you two will have any problems moving in together. Surely, there will be problems but nothing of such controlling nature.

In my opinion, from what you said, he doesn't sound like a controlling person whatsoever! I don't see a problem with him asking for your friend not to be in / around his home if she did actually trespass on his property and 'stick her nose' where it doesn't belong. I think with him asking that, he's just trying to prevent any problems that she might try to cause by allowing her there. I don't know the full story but I've done something similar by asking my fiance for a ex-friend of his not to come over anymore. She's trouble and causes problems everywhere she goes.

I've been in 2 relationships where the men actually were controlling. They controlled everything - I couldn't talk with my own family or friends, I couldn't do anything I enjoyed such as going on the computer or reading a book unless he was right there monitoring what I was doing. One of them even eavesdropped on important phone calls with my doctors and such. The other one went to the point of controlling what I ate, drank and how much!

It usually started during the second year, but the 'red flags' were present from a few months in. I was a naive, young woman so I ignored the flags thinking it would get better or thinking I could be the woman to 'change things' but I was definitely wrong!

I'm pretty sure if you are strong willed and stand your ground, a controlling guy usually won't stick around because he can't use his charms to lure you in and sink his talons into you.

I'm sure it's completely possible that someone could suddenly show a controlling/manipulative side once you moved in with them, since it'd be much easier in that situation. However your boyfriend doesn't seem to show any hints of that kind of behaviour, so idk why your dad is so concerned. He might be seeing things about your bf that you're oblivious to, but it sounds more likely that your dad is just being overprotective.

From your description I can't see anything controlling about your boyfriend. Unless he's said something in private to your father that he reacted to, I can't really see what's going on.

From my experience, controlling is about manipulation, guilt tripping, lying, blame and the odd suicide threat if you are to leave the person. Oh, and an insane sense of jealousy. (I only talk from what I've experienced myself and from what I've seen others go through).

I've been controlled before, by a couple of guys earlier in my life. I've for a long time been easy to manipulate because I suffer from such low self esteem that I just wanted somebody to like me -_- There was a lot of guilt tripping, a lot of demands and a lot of occasions where they got their way and I didn't get mine over and over. Everything was about the other person. If they got mad, it was always my fault. No matter what.

So unless he starts to demand a lot of odd stuff when you move in together, you should be safe. Emotional abusers can seem perfect at the start, but I do think you would have seen some signs by now if he was one of them.

Honestly I don't see any problem whatsoever with your boyfriend. He doesn't seem like the controlling type. Being with someone and living with someone is 100% different though but if he's been like this for 2 years then there really aren't any grounds for your father to say that he'd be controlling or would make you stop doing the things you want to do.

When you described how he reacted to your best-friend it didn't even seem like he was controlling with that. He just told you he didn't want her at his house because that's his property. He didn't tell you to stop being friends with her or that your relationship had to stop with her even after she did something wrong to him.

I think you'll be fine. Ignore your Dad. Sometimes parents are way too over protective no matter what. They end up thinking their protecting their kids more than anything but in the end it can end up they're putting stuff in your head.

I, myself, have been controlled in a relationship and what you're talking about with your relationship doesn't sound one iota of controlling

Go by your gut instinct on the situation, girl. Things will turn out fine. You're not married to the guy. If he does turn out to be controlling there's nothing saying that it's against the law to move out.

Good luck!

Thanks for your input I feel the same way. Yes relationships hit disagreements here and there but I highly doubt he'd get controlling. And if he did it's SUPER easy to get a cheap u-haul or rental truck load my stuff and leave lol

Yeah he and I had a communication issue and my friend didn't want to hear about it so she drove me to his house (under the premise we were getting food) went up to his door and told him he had to talk to me... and then she failed to mention he had said he'd call me later so it turned a kinda ick situation into a blown out of proportion situation. I get she didn't want me to feel upset and all but still it is my relationship and I feel she should only get in between like that if he was cheating on me or being abusive. Otherwise it's my relationship and if I talk about it to a friend then yeah I'll hear their advice but when it's something that ISN'T horrible that they need to not get personally involved.

Well see that's where I have an issue. My dad worked with him like 6 months before I worked there and then over another year AFTER I was gone. I was only a seasonal temp for them because they had someone bail I had just lost a job but had cashiering experience and hung out there alot as a kid so i already knew ALOT about the company and all I needed to know was how to run their registers lol But still one would figure if something were fishy that it'd be noticed possibly working about 2 years with someone at 40 hours a week and being friends with all the coworkers...

Yeah but I have yet to have him do any of that really. I mean this guy is big on family time and such and it doesn't matter what, going shopping, dinner at home, movies, pretty much if it's something that he be enjoyed as a family he's up for it. And most people I've heard of that like to control others are pretty much loners. And jealousy he and I both have it but not to a point where we get paranoid thoughts or demand we don't talk to the opposite gender, and we've told eachother this so we are aware of what would or wouldn't make the other mad. Like me I told him hugs among friends are whatever to me cuz like everyone hugs, but kisses, soft touches and the like are a no fly zone and he feels the same.

Yeah I think it's mainly something with my dad and not my BF. But it's not like I can just walk up to my BF and be all "hey btw have you ever been a super controlling dude to past GFs?" I mean seriously IF he is that way asking him that would make him either dump me or make him move into action faster to get better "control" of me. Plus at a 2 year mark and he hasn't even asked me when i'd like to move in also tells me he's not controlling. Many that try that will try to move the person they think they've "caught" as soon as they can, not let it linger for 2 years with just silly talking of it. And that is the furthest it's gone is just talk for how we would decorate and arrange things but never been asked when I would move in or anything.

And sorry guys for the delayed replies! This weekend has been killer at work lol

I agree with