Okay. Long post and stuff.. sorries. : (

So, this is about my relationship with my boyfriend, but not really.. so if this needs to be put in the relationship forum, sorry again, lol.

Anyway. We've been living together for 5 months now. I'm 19 on the 15th of May, and he's 21. We usually get along great. Our relationship, itself, if pretty near perfect. We've talked about getting married pretty seriously, so yeah. There's no problem there. It's just... he's messy. And not in the 'tosses clothes near the laundry basket and misses' kind of messy. He'll make more of a mess in a day than I do in a week. EVERYWHERE. The kitchen, the bathroom, the desk, bedroom... everywhere. He was raised in a very... messy home. I'd rather not get into details. But what he does now is minimal compared to what he lived in. ANYWAY. I was raised in a very clean, organized house. We got up early, did our chores, cleaned up all our messed, and took turns washing dishes. The house was always very neat.

I've tried quite a few things to get him to clean up even a quarter of the messes that he makes, but nothing seems to last. He even suggested a couple things I could do, but that didn't work, either (i.e. he said not to bother him so much about cleaning, and maybe he'd be more inclined to do so. i've tried for 3 weeks now, and no difference whatsoever.). I know he works very hard to support both of us, so I don't bother him nearly as much as I would if, say, he wasn't working at all. : P But it's still a little irritating. I just got over a flu, and I thought that maybe while I was sick, he'd clean up a bit, to help out so that when I got better I wouldn't have to do quite so much. I didn't bother him at all while I was sick, but that plan didn't work either.

So, I guess what I'm trying to get at, is... what can I do to get him to clean up his messes a bit more? : )

Also, I'd really LOVELOVE a guy's opinion on this.

Oh, and.. he's getting laid-off for the summer (this Friday), because he works at a college, and he'll be home all the time. So... that's another reason why I'd like advice, hehe.

you will never be able to make him change his ways in that aspect. the same is true about him making you a bit more laid back about messiness. while he may make minor changes here and there, you are going to have to learn to live with that.

my partner was like that with his clothes in the bedroom. i eventually compromised and told him that he could trash up his closet all he wanted to (we have separate closets) but i better not ever see clothes all over the floor of the bedroom.

this has worked out really well. his closet is a PILE of clothes on the bottom.... and the back of the closet door...and all the little places he can throw clothes... but they are NOT on the bedroom floor. ^_^

bottom line -- you should really consider this as a permanent part of your SO... so you need to figure out how you can deal with it instead of attempting to make him change.

hehe. i figured it would have to be me. xD' thanks for the advice. i guess i'll just have to come up with something creative then, so we'll both be happy, lol. just like your guy and the closet. ^^

I'm a guy who's married to another guy - does that count?

I'm the neat freak, and he's the slob. In the ten years he and I have been together, I've had very little success getting him to smarten up and not be messy. Some people can overlook a mess, and literally not see it. It doesn't even register in their minds, and that's how my spouse (and probably your boyfriend) is wired. There's nothing you can really do about it, sadly.

In my case, instead of just picking up behind him, I tell him to do it, and most of the time, he will, as long as I tell him exactly what to do (the same way you'd tell a 3-year old).

Otherwise, I've just lived with it. And, I do feel your pain. If he's gone on a business trip for several days, I'll clean, and the house will stay spotless right up until he returns. The minute he walks in the door, it looks like a tornado touched down. He's just naturally messy.

Some of the things that have worked for me included nagging, hiding any clothes he left on the floor or on the sofa (and making him look for them when he needs them), standing behind him and trying to correct his actions as he's making the mess, and just getting mad. If I spend half a day cleaning, and he comes in and makes a mess, I do yell and get horribly pissed off.

I also won't clean if he's home, because there's no point. He just goes right behind me, and messes what I just cleaned.

You're stuck with it, I think, but if you intervene and try some damage control whenever he makes the mess, it might help a bit, and get him to recognize what he's doing.

Good luck. :)

Just try mentioning it to him... sit him down and be like, "I'd appreciate it if we kept the house a bit neater from now on." Perhaps point out some things for him to look out for. Don't scold him for it... just be nice about it, and he might listen.

If not, I guess it's up to you to clean... LOL. I have no idea.

Good luck. =P