For a couple of days. To get away from my dad because they aren't getting along- that's what she told me.

Honestly, I think that she's being over dramatic as usual. My dad had surgery on his right shoulder and left arm, and he doesn't have full use of them and he never will. But he still does a lot of the hard yard work and he never complains. And he works so hard- in fact, his work caused his surgeries.

And my mom- she's a bitch. Plain and simple. She wants everything, she yells at me and my dad for no reason, she constantly belittles him, and blah blah blah.

If she would get over herself, this shit wouldn't be happening. I do want her to be, well, not here, but the only reason I am against this is because of my dad. He does, for some odd inexplicable reason, love her. And he would be so depressed if she left, and he would be pretty much lost without her- at least, for a little bit. Plus, she's his third wife, and he just wants to be loved.

So my issue is this: I want to help cheer up my dad. And ideas? I will probably be cooking a lot, and I'll try to watch T.V. with him and stuff, but he doesn't really talk about stuff. He might, and I can try to help. But are there any other suggestions?

[edit] I knew it. She came back after she called, right? Yelling at my dad, blaming him for everything. She came back to get food. And she asked him how he felt, since this was the first time she left him.

She did it to gauge his reaction. I really hate her. To do this to my dad... Plus, now either the check to pay the mortgage or the taxes will bounce because she wanted to stay at a hotel. She is so selfish.

I need to get her help now.

Also, I think that it's more borderline personality disorder than actual bipolar disorder. Regardless, I need to start getting her help tomorrow.

Perhaps you two should go out and eat somewhere, or you could watch a movie or do something that he would like to do. Let him know you love him and want him to be happy. He'll still be upset over your mom leaving, I'm sure, but you can at least distract him from it for a while. =) And uhh... have you tried talking to your mom about this? Maybe if you tell her what you think of the situation, she'll listen and you can help them get things back on the right track. I dunno... just a suggestion. =P

Thanks for your help, guys.

I did talk to my dad after he got home from work. He was a little reluctant at first, but he basically told me everything on his own. I actually practiced what I learned in interviewing and counseling class, and I think that that helped a lot.

I also said that I think that mom is bipolar and she needs help. He didn't really agree with it, but then he asked me to explain what it was and why I thought she was bipolar. He then said that it made sense, but he didn't want to talk to her about it and be yelled at, and make it seem like she's the bad guy.

I explained to him that she is not perfect, and neither am I or him. Sometimes, someone has to be the bad guy. No one can always be right or good.

So I said that I would try to talk to her, to ask if she would consider seeing a therapist and/or take medication. He doesn't want me to talk to her about it because he's afraid that she'll hurt me, but I have to try. I want her to get help, for herself and for my dad. I don't want him to have to suffer anymore.

i think your mom is just spoiled. you dad probably has a lot to do with it too. i don't think it is a good idea to randomly diagnose someone and then ask them to take meds for it. that's just asking for drama. i agree that she probably needs counseling... but as a couple, not necessarily alone.

She is spoiled, but you don't know the whole story. And yea, my dad does give in a lot, but he's learning to stand up for himself. And I didn't randomly diagnose her- I just said that I think she might have this and I think she should talk to someone about it, or just talk to someone just because.

Of course, she doesn't think anything is 'wrong' with her, and she says 'I'm not crazy'...

And yea, that might also need couple's counseling. But I really think that she needs help first and foremost because I truly think she has BPD.

ok but for a spoiled person who refuses to acknowledge a problem, attending couples counseling may give her the opportunity to get help without feeling singled out and/or attacked. personally, if my child came to me and said a bunch of mental crap, i'd probably feel the same way. for someone so spoiled coupled with an enabler, i would assume that would be the appropriate way to go

Yea, but it's not addressing her issues. I think they do need therapy together but she also needs therapy by herself for this issue because it does have a huge impact on relationships.

I dont know what to say as far as the situation, but as a bi-poler person, and someone who maybe understands the disease better then someone who doesnt have it if you want to ask me questions, you may.
(I am very open about it. I am coping QUITE well with it. )

I appreciate your help, I really do- but I just think that a couples therapist is not trained for her needs. That's why I think she should see one that is trained for that and also a couples counselor with my dad.

is she willing to go to counseling?

Couples? Probably, so she can blame my dad in front of a witness outside the family. Individual counseling? Not likely. She doesn't want to think that she's 'crazy' and stuff. And we don't have the money for it right now (even though she spent money on a hotel room for not even 24 hours...)

I've been to individual counseling as well as marriage counseling. You don't just get to sit there and blame the other person. They bite you down for that, trust me.

Counseling is not about looking for a direct solution to a problem. It's another person's perspectives on your behavior and actions. Usually, when you have strangers telling you doing one thing is counterproductive to how it could/should be, it gives you an idea of what you can do to fix what you're doing wrong or what you both need to work on to make it right.

There has to be an option on your insurance that deals in counsil services. If not, there are places where you can talk to therapists for free- just like there are free clinics.

You don't know what her needs are. Sorry, you don't. Not unless you happen to share the same brain. A therapist/counselor is more capable of diagnosing that than you are. You can make guesses all you want, but you don't have the same education and training in psychology as these people have. BPD does deal in psychology, so technically, you should wait to see what their recommendations would be for her before you jump to conclusions on what she has or doesn't.

i have to totally agree with . therapists are well trained and experienced in marital (and individual) game play. it's... part of their job. it's also about voicing personal concerns in a non-biased environment to a 3rd party designed to help you succeed in a relationship and in your own person. they are also pretty good with talking to each person in the couple privately.

with all due respect, i'm sure spending the $80 or whatever on the hotel room was warranted if just to give some personal space and cool-down time. ^_^

also, many therapists and counseling services offer a sliding scale for their fees. a 1-hour session can easily cost roughly $60... which should be doable.

That's exactly what I'm thinking (about the money). But the thing is, I still don't think that she will go. And, as I edited in the first post, because she spent almost $200, either the mortgage check or the city tax check will bounce.

I really want to try to get a job and maybe pay for some of her sessions, so she can at least talk to someone.

Our insurance, I think, will pay some of it, but she first has to be diagnosed with it, or show symptoms (that a doctor will note) before anything can be done. And she won't do it.

So the best thing then is to try to get her therapy and pay for it myself.

I see where you are coming from, but not all therapists are trained in the same way, or choose to study and practice the same methods and subjects/situations. I think she needs cognitive behavioral therapy, and a couples counselor might not be trained for it, or specialize in it.

Like I said, I do think they need couples counseling, but I really think that she also needs individual counseling, and that should come first because it is greatly affecting her relationship with my father.

And maybe that therapist could even talk with my father and help him understand what it is and how he is enabling her. I will try to talk with him at some point, but it's hard when they just want to ignore everything and pretend it didn't happen until it does the next day.

Also, I'm not trying to presume I know everything and that I know she has this and stuff. I'm trying to say that it seems that she has this and I want her to get help, and even if she doesn't have it I still think she should talk to a therapist.