To believe. To know. To...anything.

I live in my room, waiting for a slump in the economy to end so I can get a dead-end job to pay for minor things to make my life marginally less shit.

And for what?

I used to dream, of grandiose things I wanted, of marvelous creatures and strange worlds, even if they were made of the universes I read of, stolen wholesale. I used to dream! I used to believe in things, to do something other than just...exist.

Now?

I want simple things so much it hurts.

I want to be hugged. I want to be held. I want the women I've loved to have really loved me, not have just been using me for decent RP. I want the promises I believed in to be fulfilled.

...I want a house in black marble and glass, lit by hidden light, with smooth jazz playing quietly, mournfully in the background, a glass of cider and a girl asleep on my shoulder.

I want a truck, and the open road, and a cheerful girl and the American Southwest. I want nights spent underneath the stars and sky, laughing and crying and dancing in the rain.

I want to get the hell out of this town whose very NATURE is killing my spirit, somewhere things happen...or just somewhere with better scenery.

Four years, I've been a furry-and in the last few months I've seen it for what it is-a sham and a pitiful collection of lost souls seeking succor-misled children grown too old, led by drunken teenagers with promises of art for money.

I got some art, just before the revelation hit me, and...now...

sigh

I just don't know what to think.

Wow, I feel the exact same way. ._.

Nice poetry :P

But, welcome to reality, as harsh as that sounds. I reckon most of the people here, with the exception of maybe some of the youngest users, have watched childhood dreams shrivel up and die on them. I've been there: I had dreams and plans and expectations, and now at 23 I know that hardly any of them have any hope in hell of coming true, no matter how hard I try. Everyone will go through it, it's pretty much universal, but we differ in how we handle it.

I've seen people just curl up in a ball and sulk for years over it, I've seen people take it as the kick in the ass they needed to stick their necks out, take some risks and at least make a few of their dreams come true. For my part, I'm still pretty young and I'm rather quiet, but I have my own ways of coping. I appreciate the things I do have, and when I lose the things I love I appreciate having had them. I'm still trying to make some of my dreams a reality, like owning a house with a lot of wooded property around it, far from towns or cities, but heaven only knows where I'll end up.

Where-ever it is, I'll try and make the most of it. Hopefully you will too :)