Ok. So this is a lot of me just... letting out my thoughts. What i'm thinking and feeling. I would appreciate any thoughts and advise.

I'm just wondering how people keep themselves caring about things and life. o_o

I don't want to sound all.. cliche suicidal.. like "I don't give a damn, I wanna die" type of thing. I'm not. I don't.

I'm just saying that i've never really cared that much. O__o like... stuff doesn't matter that much... and it's becoming a problem.

When i'm in a really good mood i'm thinking "Nothing in life matters! Lets all do what we want because it's not significant in any way!"

When i'm in a really bad mood i'm thinking "Nothing in life matters... Nothing I do is significant in any way because we all die and nothing I do will change that."

I find it hard to get motivated to finish graduating and go to college because I feel like... Why does it matter? You know. I know I would like to make websites... but also I know that anything like that takes a lot of work.. and if I can't even bring myself to graduate at 21... how will I ever complete college and work hard every day to do this job for a life that I really don't think matters enough to work so hard for?

Also I feel like with a job like that... yes I like it... but I always feel like... if i'm not contributing to life it's self... then why? O__o Like... I feel like I need to do something that actually effects how people view the world... how people see life.... how people understand our past or our future... otherwise what is the point at all?

Anything like that takes someone smart... someone hard working... I feel like there is no point to life if you can't contribute to finding out answers for existence.

However I know... I KNOW. I will never be devoted enough to work that hard to help existence... I'm just going to clean houses for a living and drool over my computer wondering what the hell the point of anything is for the rest of my life.

I don't know what to do... I really don't. It's getting quite bothersome.

Everyone in the world thinks exactly like you, I know I do but it depends, are you going to let death stop you in your tracks? it depends on how you see it really, and what kind of person you are :) .

You sound like me two years ago.

I honestly think you should talk to some kind of therapist about this. They will be able to determine if you need some kind of medication to help you bounce back, and will also work with you behaviorally and cognitively to get you feeling more connected.

It helped you, then I assume? Maybe you are right.