So let me fill you in on the situation before I explain my dream..

I've been dating my now-fiancee for 3 and a half years. Everything was great the first year, no fights whatsoever, then the second year we moved in together and things were a little strange, getting used to each other and all. And the third year was great because we were used to each other, and we have our own place without roomates now, so its much more relaxing and private.

But over the past two or three months, he's been talking to more girls than usual. And I do get a little jealous, as anyone would, but most of them I try to make friends with and end up really liking them. But then there's this one girl, she's actually his best friends younger sister.

She's only 15 and my fiancee is 20. Anyway, she has been flirting with him like crazy, and my fiancee's best friend said that she does that to all of his friends, but the problem is that he is talking back to her.

They text each other all the time, or at least they used to. And its a shared cell phone, so I was looking through the messages to find one my friend sent to me, and ended up seeing that she had said she wanted to be with him and that she wanted to 'do things to him that would break him and me up.'

And my fiancee is one of few words when it comes to non-verbal communication. So all he said was "oh." and so I was devastated that he hadn't told her to knock it off or something, and there were a few more things said and it hurts to even think about it.

So I talked to him about it and I told him I didn't want him to talk to her anymore, but that I didn't want to tell him what to do. So I sat there and made him tell her what was what, and I talked to his best friend about it, and he tried to tell her to stop.

She stopped because she got a boyfriend, but as soon as he broke up with her, she started texting my fiancee again. He still talks to her sometimes, but not as often, and unless he's deleting the messages, there's no inappropriate talking going on.

Then about two weeks ago, he was talking to a friend of a friend, I'll just say her names Tracy. Anyway, Tracy is not a good girl. An old friend of mine was involved in a lot of bad stuff, slutty stuff, and that's why I stopped talking to her, so I found out that Tracy is a friend of hers and that she is kind of the same way. So I warned my fiancee about her, told him that if he said anything that remotely sounded like flirting, that she would take it as flirting and would probably pursue him.

So he ignored me and teased her like he does to everyone, and she took the teasing as flirting, and started talking inappropriately to him. I was sitting right there watching tv, and looked over at his computer screen to see what he was doing, and he said something inappropriately back to her. I know he was joking, but it was just incredible inappropriate and I just wanted to slap him, but I just ran into my room and slammed the door and locked it cause I was so upset.

Then I talked to him about it again, and made him promise he'd never ever do it again because it was hard for me to trust him. He thinks I'm overreacting. I told his best friend about what was going on with this new girl, and he told my fiancee off about it. So he was mad at him for a while, and I felt bad, but it was literally only a few minutes, so I was glad that I had told him.

But anyway, I had this dream that he did it again, with the first girl, and this time there was no way it could be considered joking, I remember the exact things they both said, but I can't type it here. It's that inappropriate.

So I'm really really afraid that it will come true. And what I should do if it does.

Do you think I'm overreacting? Is it reasonable for me to tell my fiancee to never ever talk to these girls again? How can I convince him to stop talking to them without actually telling him not to, because it hurts me so badly everytime he talks to them, I'm so afraid. I don't want to lose him over something like this, but its so hard to trust him right now.

Being as I'm the jealous type, I don't really think you're overreacting. I'd tell him that he's losing your trust by talking to all the girls, and if he really loves you, he'll want to stop talking to the girls, to gain your trust back... Maybe this would work, maybe...l

I can understand you being jealous. Any girl would be, especially me. I would have slapped him when I saw the inappropriate message, to be honest. I agree with Doncella, telling him that he's steadily losing your trust. I think that if he keeps talking to these girls after you tell him he's lost your trust, I would tell him that he needs to stop talking to them. If he still talks to them in an inappropriate way, well.. I'd resort to something more than just speaking to him.. I hope this helps. I tried to imagine what I would do if I were in this position, since I've never been engaged.

Well I would have flipped. When my hubby and I were dating (mind you JUST DATING) his neighbor/friend(which was a girl) He has know her ever since they were in dipairs. When ever I would be over there, and she would see him(with me) in the yard or out for a walk. She would always yell over at him, Hey boyfriend, or hey husband. I toold my now hubby how much it bothered me. But he just laughed. So I went to her and told her. I told her we could all get a long and be friends or we could be enemys. It was up to her. And she doesnt do it any more. And now just says hi or waves.

Not that you should do that, but thats what worked for me. Hope that helps.

Mel.

Thank you for the advice. I talked to him again, and told him that I thought it was reasonable for me to ask him not to talk to 'Tracy' anymore. Because he hasn't known her very long and they don't talk that often anyways. He said that it was reasonable and blocked her. But I didn't tell him not to talk to the first girl, because I think she's learned to back off, they haven't talked in at least a week, even though they both have the means to talk everyday if they wanted.

But I'm still afraid it might happen again with some new girl. I'm feeling how hard it is to trust him right now, everytime I hear him typing or see him texting I just want to know who hes talking to, and what they're talking about.

I don't think you're overreacting at all. If he's not doing anything to let them know that he's not available and that they should not be flirting with him because of this, then I think you have reason to worry. He should be more than comfortable to tell girls that he's in a relationship with a girl he's very happy with, and doesn't appreciate other girls coming on to him. If that's not the case and there's something else going on in his mind, then you two really need to communicate with each other and work things out. I think you need to sit him down and have a serious moment with him, and tell him how you really feel. Tell him about the dream, about the worries you've had, and whatever else is on your mind. Be sure to listen to what he has to say, and try your best to communicate and figure out a solution to your problems. I hate to say it, but if he's unable to tell these girls to back off and he allows them to do these things, then I don't think he's as into you as he could be, and you should really evaluate your relationship with him and think about whether he's worth staying with or not. It's better to be out of a relationship that makes you feel horrible than to be stuck in it, right? I really hope you can find happiness for yourself no matter what happens.

Im a jealous type too, and been working on it.

I've been with my current guy for almost 4 years now, and even though he talks to other girls and flirts, I keep reminding myself, that I'm the one who he's in bed with at the end of the day.

You're not overreacting at all. I'm glad you talked to your fiance about it. I really do hope things work out and he gets his dealy straightened out. At least he complies with you pretty easily?

Thank you all so much for your advice. He went out of town this weekend with a few of his friends and I was really worried, but because of the way he acted when I asked him not to talk to 'tracy' I felt much better about it. I trust that he'd never cheat on me, but I just hope that he realizes now that talking to girls like that feels like cheating to me.