I think it's time to finally give up on my father. I've fought so long and so hard for his affections, and each time I get shot down. It hurts too much. it hurts too much to look at him and know that he wishes I were someone else. Like his son. Or just not there at all.

Today was a perfect example of how our relationship has hit a wall. When he picked me up after I went out with a friend, I was all smiles and laughs. I asked him how his days was, and he replied with:

'Just shut up. I'm busy, and I don't need your bullshit.'

When he dropped me off at the church so I could do my interview for my World Relgions end-of-term project, I asked him if anything was wrong. His reply?

'I have better fucking things to do. Get out. You can walk home.'

It was uncalled for. I even went over the scene a hundred times to see if I'd said or done anythin to annoy him. I couldn't find anything. Ever since Christmas, I've tried so, SO hard to see him be proud of something I did. I want him to be able to point at me and say with pride: 'that's my girl'

In the past, we had a bitter, hateful relationship, but we started to repair it. I don't know what changed. It was like I woke up one day and there was a stranger in my house who looked like my dad. But it wasn't. I thought that maybe it was because of my low grades, or my slcking off around the house.

So, I thought I'd try harder.

I started boosting my grades. I took up extra activities. I started taking vocal lessons again. I started helping more around the house. I started cooking and baking for the family. I started treating us to movie nights and other things to get us to be a family.

I just don't think we'll ever be a real family.

My mom's in a lot of pain now that she's lost both her parents. My dad's been bitter ever since his neice (my cousin) died. I've been stuck in the middle, equally affected by these three deaths in three years, but I try not to tell them it hurts. I let them think I'm okay. Sometimes my mom knows that I'm hurting, but my dad never seems to notice. And if he does, he doesn't seem to care. He blames all my emotions on 'raging teenage hormones', and thinks I'll get over it when I'm in the 'real world'.

It doesn't matter what I do, nothing makes my dad look at me with just a hint of affection. He just looks through me, almost as if I'm not real, and then finds something to bitch at me about. It could be something as pointless as 'why didn't you fill the icecube tray? It's been sitting there for weeks.'

I'd like to stop hearing him say can't you do anything right? I'd just like to see him smile at me once and know that as much as he's hurt me, I still love him, and all I want is for him to show me that he loves me, too. I want him to see that when I cry after we fight, it's not because of the fight, but because all I want to do is hug him and tell him I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't be what he wants me to be.

I wish I could be the little girl my dad wants to be able to look at photos at when he's older and remember the good times. I want to be the daughter that he's proud to show off. I want to have some special place in his heart.

All I want is for him to show me that he still love me.

I'm not even sure if I'm asking for advice. I guess I just feel lost. I don't know if I'm looking for help or for someone to just tell me it's going to be okay. I... don't know.

I know this might sound like pointless teenage angst, because 'every teenager hates theit parents', but it's not.

My God...You poor girl.

If this is the way your father treats you, he doesn't deserve your love. He does not seem to care, so he is not worth the effort. But, try to see if there is anything troubling him. Family, work, anything.

It sounds like something's on his mind, and he's taking his frustration out on others.

Aw, I'm so sorry! :(

My relationship with my father isn't that good either, although it's mainly because he's quiet and keeps to himself.

Back on topic, I agree with , he does not deserve your love unless he's ready to give you love back.

Best of luck dealing with this situation! ❤

i'm really sorry. that's so sad.

i'm just really sorry he acts like that. i would say you should try talking to him but youve probably tried that. does he realize he's been doing this since the death of his neice? it sounds like you guys need a family therapy session. that's the only way i can ever get my grandparents to take me seriously.

Sounds like he's taking out all his grief on you. And that's just wrong. Family therapy sounds like a good idea, try talking to your mother about this first, maybe?

This. ^

That just sucks. :(

has he always been like this?

We used to do family therapy, but nothing ever really came out of this.

He was always a bit of an ass, but never even CLOSE to this level. -sigh-

I don't want to drag my mom into this if I can avoid it. I don't want to make her feel as if she has to choose between her husband and her child.

I don't really have lots of advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that your post was heartbreaking. I truly hope something good happens for you soon. Good luck.

Well, a bit of an update:

I spoke to both my parents, and my Dad denies that he'd acting this way. My mother said she wants us to attend a family therapy session to see if there's anything we can do to try and sort all of this out.

try to cry a lot lot lot (probably wont be hard) i hope everything works out for you. your dad has to realize how he's acting

I'm really hoping that having a third party involved might help him understand. I mean, I know he's upset with things in his life, and sees that we can help each other out if he lets me in.

As an off-topic note, Courage made me smile. It's been ages since I've seen hat show.