PICTURE OF HIM YAAAY. Bogeyman-esqe. Took about ten minutes, I know it's bad. Gotta do something better. http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d76/Zheermeh/sven1sktech.jpg forgot how to do links. /lazy

A week or so ago, I made my Irion, Mister Scary, Nightmare. This is what I've got for him so far.

Please critique the hell out of him. He's a bastard and I'm lazy. :D

Name: Sven Carey – at least, that’s what it says on his passport. It’s a bit of a joke, despite the fact he has to explain it to everyone.

Age: He looks about 32, though he’ll claim his age is anywhere between mid-twenties to around seven hundred, depending on who he’s talking with. He doesn’t seem to age, though.

Gender: Male.

Birthday: Every year he picks a different day.

Orientation: ... children.

Occupation: Primary school teacher in the day, bogeyman in the night. His class gets an interesting education every day, and some even more interesting nightmares that night.

Health: He doesn’t eat much, though that is mainly because he forgets to. He’s thin, but not unhealthily so. He smokes a helluva lot, though, and feeds mostly off fear, namely from the kids.

Appearance: (human) Weight: Quite light. Height: About 5’8”. He’s actually quite short, he just wears shoes with a slight heel. In any case, eight year-olds think everyone is tall. Hair colour: Black. Hair style: Straight and messy, straggling around his shoulders. Always looks rather greasy and unkempt, despite his efforts. Eyes: Dark brown, possibly. They look black in most lights. Skin colour: Unhealthily pale. Whenever he goes to the beach with his class, he sits under the beach umbrella the entire time. Face: The word that comes to mind is ‘sallow’. Body Structure: Naturally thin, with very little muscle.
Appearance: (bogeyman) Weight: Interchangable. He perches beside the kiddies while they sleep and they don’t wake up, how light do you think he’d have to be? Height: Taller than his human form; perhaps 6’1”. Hair colour: Still black. Possibly MORE black. Hair style: Wild and unkempt and a little past his shoulders. Eyes: Entirely black, without any whites. Skin colour: Very pale, looking almost grey or green in some lights. Face: Sharp boned, sunken cheeks and heavily shadowed eyes. Body Structure: Very flexible, thin, with dark wings emerging from his back, feathers tattered and broken.

Pretend that this is a bio, right here: Remember that teacher that everyone loved and yet feared? The guy that everybody wanted to get into the class of, because there was a surprise field trip or free food from down the road every other week, even if he was a bit... weird. That is Sven. He is a teacher for two reasons: firstly, he likes teaching. And secondly, he gets to know what frightens the kids, and therefore can give them nightmares. And then he can feed off their fear, and marking badly-spelt homework assignments gets a little less repetitive. But mostly he just likes teaching. He has a bored sort of disposition to what he considers ‘petty rules’ - ‘No Smoking On School Grounds’, say, or the ‘do not hug the crying child that just fell over and scraped their knee’ rule. He has to move around a bit, from state to state or even a different country for a change – every five or six years – before someone notices that he hasn’t really aged at all. And when that does happen, things get very complicated for a while, so he goes to see what England or Spain or Japan is like. He speaks the odd bits of half a dozen languages, though English is natural. He prefers to live in rather populated areas, if given a choice, despite how he might complain about the overcrowding and having to talk to other people. He doesn’t generally get on very well with adults, especially other teachers. And parents. Parent-teacher days are dreaded, though he enjoys winding the irritated parents up while the kids giggle. He generally wears dark-coloured, simpler clothes; often just a black or white dress shirt and black jeans. No jewellery or makeup, though he sometimes has shadows under his eyes when he hasn’t fed for a while that make worried parents call the school, thinking he’s been doing drugs. But he just looks like shit sometimes, and glares moodily. And goes and smokes in a corner somewhere.

Despite how much I dislike the idea of ‘magic’, Sven can do a few simple tricks. He can cause someone to forget a recent event, though not very well, and can turn lights on and off by clicking his fingers. Though in that case, the actual ‘clicking fingers’ is just showbiz. Also, it usually effects the entire building, and pisses a lot of people off in the middle of the night when every light turns on and off suddenly because SOMEONE wanted a late-night snack. In his non-human form, he can sort of fly – badly, mind – and locked doors mean utterly nothing to him in either form. He sometimes gives the impression of being able to read minds, though he claims he can just read people.

Sven doesn’t talk much about his past, though that just appears to be because after a few hundred years, there really isn’t much worth talking about.

And for personality, I'm being cheap and lazy and stealing in what tremorr said just below. :D Dark, rather depraved sense of humor; tendacy to laugh at others pain. If it's deserved, or just sometimes funny. 'broadway personality', uses hand gestures a lot, very expressive face. People generally think he's creepy - he tries for that effect, saying that he can't get fired merely on the grounds of 'he disturbs the fuck outta me', although people have tried. Sarcastic, bitchy when tired. Impatient when things aren't going right. Friendly enough if he likes you, though you have to earn it.

Likes: Teaching, children, scaring people, smoking. He’s a simple sort of guy.

Dislikes: Parents, most adults, boring people, when things go wrong for him and he has to leave, stupid rules.

Fears: Being caught, because it’s really irritating. Meeting someone he used to teach. Accidently killing a kid.

Uuuurrgh. Ask questions. Have a bit of fun here. I couldn't think of half this shit.

... silly Svennikins. -stabs him with a pencil-

He has a lot of similar characteristics to Chuckle (not to mention species/color) :o

Chuckle is less fleshed out though, and little more cliched xp

I really don't know how to critique, so I'll just shove all of my oppinions at you, take what you like :P Maybe specify what grade he teaches, or make him an art/pe/music teacher, to add a little more interest. The bogeyman appearance (awesome, btw o.o) seems a little generic, what with the black and white and feathered wings. For bogeyman, I expected something sort of crazy looking. Like purple or glowing green skin or needle teeth or something, maybe claws xD I also thing draconic wings might be more fitting.

Reading all that, it's sort of hard to get a feel for his personality. What I felt like was that he's a sort of clownish character? I don't know, I imagined him with a sort of sarcastic, dramatic, broadway personality and a creepy, child-oriented sense of humor. Maybe specify that too :3

Oh and don't read Chuckle's profile, I'm a hypocrite x)

C: Yay, critique!

I think the Nightmare Irion just sort of give off that impression. :3 IMMA GONNA EAT YOUR SOUL MMHH NOMNOMNOM

Okay... he teaches... dammit. When kids are eight. What grade is that? We use Years over here in liddle NZ. And I still don't know. ... he teaches kids when they are about eight. There. :D /stupid moment I think - from when I was that age - that teachers of that grade teach all subjects. Unless my school was just being special and lazy. We might have been, now I come to think about it. There was only maybe... 50 kids. :D

For the bogeyman thing - fffffff yes I KNOW DAMMIT. I sort of just looked at the pet, and thought: heeeehhh, duuude. :D Gotta shove some originality in there. Um. Um. The wings. I like the feel of the draconic thing, come to mention it, but I've always been a sucker for feathers. XD Might mess with that a bit.

Ooh, he does have the teeth, though. I drew a picture, which was shit, and I will now proceed to find my tablet and draw a better one to cover up the shame. XD I'll post that on here when I've done it.

Why yes, I am avoiding my homework.

As for personality - nyyyh. I sort of ignored that in my little description, didn't I? :c Yeah, you pretty much imagined him right there, except the words in my head ran away when it came time to write 'em down. Probably should add the actual personality thing in there. Hmm. Yes. :3 Edit timez. :D

And thanks for all that, too. Critique is good! -bows down to you-

-goes to read Chuckle's profile anyway-

I LIKE HIM. And such an awesome overlay, too. :D

What can I say? I love, love this concept. All of it. :D Really, the only thing I'd have to mention is the human appearance is, yes, sort of generic. Perhaps tweak the hairstyle a little? Anything that labels him as "him." I would just suggest that it not be jewelry or some type of odd marking... but you probably knew that already. Haha.

I'd have to say yes, I did have a bit of a tough time getting his personality out of all that. However, I did think about the same thing that Tremorr did. Perhaps tone down the sarcastic "dry wit" feel and amp up the goofy, child-like strangeness? A good balance is always nice, of course. I'd also like to see more flaws. Fears, shortcomings, all that nity-gritty weakness stuff.

My best suggestion would probably be to fill out a lot of those quiz things you see all the time on Myspace and such. They can be kind of dumb, but making your character answer an array of questions like that--from mundane to personal secrets--is incredibly helpful. I don't know if you would be able to find it, but I'm particularly fond of the book "List Yourself." If there's not a copy online, PM me and I can give you some of my favorite prompts from it. Speaking of prompts, those are always good places to start, too, such as one of my personal favorites: writing a short story that encompasses 10 seconds in your characters life that changed something about them/their fate completely.

Happy writing! I'm going to subscribe because, I'd really like to hear more about this guy. I always adore nightmare monsters and the like TONS. <3

<3 -does a little dance for the good critique-

Hm. Yes, I agree on a few of my physical design flaws there. I have thought about messing around with the hair and the like a little - I could put small things in there, like that he ties his hair back when he's teaching, but I'm not really sure what definitive features I might give him. He could always have gotten a tattoo at some point, perhaps, but... that's both a little cliched, and most people tend to get tattoos in rather unnoticeable places, so as not to interfere with work. And it just doesn't seem like him to get a blaringly obvious tattoo. Something on his shoulder and back, maybe... hm. I don't know, it doesn't seem to suit him too well, so I'll stay away from that for now. Any ideas there will be appreciated. 8D

He also has a giant, gaping hole in the 'history' section, if no one noticed that. >__> Y'know - how he was created/became what he is today/was born of sparkles/whatever. :D I've got to fix that, too.

Y'know, that is a really good idea. I think I might venture back into the horrible world of Myspace and see what I can find. And the List Yourself thing - already found a few things that might be useful. And livejournal, too. I'll give you a PM or something if I find myself stuck, though - thanks. :3

Ooh, this really cheered me up. <3 Thanks so much for all that, it'll be really helpful. :3 Something fun to look forward to after I get this silly film essay out of the way - yes, I love filling out little list-quiz-things. :D I'll post whatever I do here, too.

/special moment

THAT PICTURE IS SO PERFECT OMG

-forgot I posted here-

Oh yay I'm glad my crit. was useful to you!! And it's so okay that you used my words, lol. I'm flattered, actually :P

7-8 year olds are in 2nd grade, btw :) My school had one teacher for all subjects in elementary too, but there were separate PE, art, and music teachers. But now that I get your character more, I think that's silly and uneccessary

More random ideas: -You can have him wear nice hats all the time, like this one. Or any kind he feels like, really :P -Give him a favorite color; I had a funky teacher who's favorite color was yellow and it was something I still remember about him :P He would always wear yellow shirts. Idk about you but I'm thinkin purple for Sven.

As for history, most of my character's are missing one of those too xC And if they have it, it's... haha, interesting, I guess.

Thannnks about Chuckle, too ;D -adds Mister Scary to his friends-

Shadowmancer, I actually gained a lot from reading your post, too :p I realized none of my characters really have obvious flaws. I need to fix that. And the quiz idea sounds sooooo fuuun!