I got this ferret, see, a few months ago. He's a ferret, as ferrets are prone to be, and I must say that at first I just couldn't fathom how this creature managed to jump evolution's hurdles and land safely on the other side without rolling backwards off a cliff and dashing itself on the jagged rocks below.

He jumps around like a lunatic, going into excited frenzies and knocking his head into stuff. He falls off things without looking. He bumps into things. He rolls into things. He challenges and attacks items and creatures that are a billion times his size. He buries his face in sand and water and snorts it up then comes out sneezing. He goes into deep, coma-like sleeps out of which it's incredibly hard to wake him and thus he'd be oblivious to any kind of danger or threat if there was one. He reaches his arms down to grab at the ground but then lets his bottom half tumble haphazardly wherever it will without bothering to control it at all. He leaps off of stuff with a face completely bereft of forethought that seems to say ''I'll figure it out when I land.''

So it's been a few months since I've gotten him and initially had those thoughts, those thoughts of why and how does it exist, and after such a lengthy time of careful observation I've decided: How the hell does this creature exist? It's still a mystery. This? Evolution looked at this and said to itself (it's a sentient being in this scenario in my mind): ''Ah yes, THIS is the thing I was going for.''

I just can't imagine how this thing would survive in the wild. It would have to be a place with absolutely no cliffs or heights, no predators, nothing sharp and pointy to bang into, and besides all that have a constant perfect temperature of 70-79 degrees as I've read that around about 80 degrees they become uncomfortable and anything above that they can die.

Also for those of you who don't know, ferrets are obligate carnivores. That means it eats only meat and gets no nutritional value from anything that is not meat. So why in the hell should he want to gobble up my chocolate, my jam, my tomato sauce, my tea and my chicken noodle soup (okay the soup I'll let slide... tastes chickeny) while completely turning up his nose at the offers of turkey, tuna, chicken and ham that I've tried to get him interested in?

I imagine him starving to death in the wild because instead of hunting like he's supposed to, he's just doggedly chewing away at the bark of a tree and eating dirt and slowly dying of malnutrition.

What a hilarious animal, srsly. I love him. I recommend to all of you that you go out and buy one of these furry little mutants as soon as you can. Sure he's a stinky little bastard, being related to the skunk and all, and sure he still stinks after the removal of his scent glands (a completely useless procedure as far as I can tell because it keeps him from spraying the stink yes, which he would only do if incredibly frightened anyway, but he's still got his oil/stink glands so he's still gonna have his natural stink), but his smell doesn't actually bother me and if you're not overly sensitive to that kind of thing it probably won't bother you much either.

And to those of you who already have or have had ferrets, share your crazy ferret stories. I'd like confirmation that mine's not a defective lunatic and that they're all whack-jobs like this.

Ferrets are nuts, man. :o

Not sure what else there is to say. Haha.

I like your style. You said what I said except I used a billion extra words to do it. :D

Awe, your ferret sounds so cute though. lol.

I have a cat myself and I seriously hope he never gets lost.

He jumps off things and lands on his face and when I'm holding him and let him down in a window ceil...He walks on it like on solid ground and falls off half the time...

I thought cats were supposed to be really balanced and stuff...lol.

Your ferret made me want one though. :D

Ferrets: Slinkies with fur.

And personality disorders.

Haha, on his face?? Poor guy. XD I guess when the other cats were lining up for quick reflexes and smooth landings he was in the line for... um... staring into space.

I have a few cats, too, and I thought maybe they'd want to start fights with the ferret, but he's totally without fear and chases them around the house. His pure, mindless bravery freaks them out and makes them think he's got a trick up his sleeve when really I think he's just too mental to realize they could kick his ass.

Ferrets arent Wild ;) Theyre domesticated, So they dont have to survive in the wild. Because they have humans :o

The Wild Version of Ferret are the European Polecats, those i think may behave , well, Smart x3

lmfao.

Your ferret sounds just like the one in the pet store we go to. He fucking ridiculous. He'll climb up on the plastic purple castle/igloo and just sort of... slide off the edge and get wedged in between the castle and the glass cage wall. The he flips and starts jumping/spazzing and falls over himself.

I want to take the defective bugger home. :(

Ferrets in the wild are very different from domesticated ferrets.

Yours sounds much cuter though :)

Oh, your MUM refuses, eh? Your MUM, haha, your mum! Hey everyone look, this chick's fucking English or something, saying ''mum'' instead of ''mom''! Let's all point and laugh!

No I'm just kidding. I kid because I love. I like ''mum.'' Mum's fine by me. ;)

your ferret sounds slightly nuts XD

i was going to get one a few months ago but mum changed her mind about it. we got a snake instead

i thought you were being serious XD i say mum instead of mom but i am British so that would make sence XD

Now come on the both of you, let's not forget that I'm American (though this is the first time I've mentioned it, but let's not forget it from now on) and thus whatever you say is inherently right while whatever I say is inherently wrong. England was, after all, the originator of the language and American English is just a filthy bastardization. What you should be saying is that I should stuff it down my burger-eating pie-hole. Come on, get into the taunting British feeling of it! Quit being so nice! Take the piss out of me, I know you can do it! You can start by calling me a colonial and work from there.

Actually my boyfriend of nearly 10 years is English, though he lives here with me now, so really I have a great love of them. The humo(u)r, the accent... ah yes, the accent. I'm a sucker for an accent. Drool

Also Dizzy - I always wanted a snake but I couldn't bear to feed things to it. A friend recently told me you can feed them mice embryos, though, rather than live mice, so it's sort of like... er, aborted mice fetuses. I could do that, so now I'm re-thinking maybe getting a snake someday. :D

Oh I'd kill for two ferrets.

Bartleby and Edward. One chocolate sable with mits and socks, and a plain chocolate sable.

Not in this house. Maybe when I move out and live in a small, simple and [obviously] ferret-proof house/unit, so it's easier to keep an eye on the little goons.

But I also want snakes. Ferrets + snakes = terrible combination for disaster.

i feed mine frozen mice XD i had a bit of a problem with it to start with but i don't really think about it any more XD

also i could never make fun of you! although i have to admit the whole pants, trousers or under pants thing confuses me when im talking to some one American, usually what happens is random American: nice pants! me:what you can see them? random American: obviously me:huh? (looks for were pants are showing) oh you meant my trousers!

Yeah, I hear if you get a second one it... er, well, doubles the fun. XD But they're expensive little buggers so I gotta wait to replenish my money before getting another.

Haha, oh yes pants! Also, we have something here in America we call a ''fanny-pack'' (and you're probably already laughing) which is a little pack you can strap around your waist to carry stuff because a fanny in America is a cute word for someone's bum and NOT a dirty word for vagina. The first time my boyfriend heard someone say ''fanny-pack'' here he nearly choked on his drink and was like, ''WHAT did you just say?!'' He still giggles every time anyone says it.

I have a list somewhere of all the words he says that sound the same when they shouldn't (at least if you're an American) such as:

Car keys & Khakis Dune & June Pattern & Patton Arnie & Ani (which is pronounced "ah-nee" and not like Annie)

And I mock him but then he says I pronounce fairy and ferry the same and I get my comeuppance. Luckily neither of us takes ourselves or our culture seriously so it makes for good times. ;)

yeah i always laugh at fanny pack XD i don't actually know many/any British people that our culture that seriously XD usually making jokes about it, it's kind of weird when you meet some one who takes it way to seriously XD

XD i never noticed the car keys and khakis before

I have five ferrets, and I have to say, who needs TV when you have a ferret? xD One of our ferrets, Stewie, is the daredevil of all daredevils. When she was a baby she would always run and jump from our bed onto those gamer chair things, and one time she missed and hit the side instead. She hopped around like crazy for about ten minutes before plopping herself onto the ground and making a "speed bump", daring anyone to walk near her. xD Daxter, our oldest, the first night we got her we couldn't get litter because the pet store we got her from was out, and Petsmart was closed, so we shredded a bunch of newspaper and put that in her cage. We turned off the lights to go to bed and we hear these swishing noises! So we peek into her cage and she is diving in and out of the newspaper like a fuzzy little dolphin. xD SO cute.

And yeah, ferrets are like expert thieves. Anything you pay attention to, they take it. At least mine are like that. xD Daxter's favorite thing to steal though are my hubby's socks. She has a foot fetish. :P

Their names are Daxter, The Dook, Harlo Kibbles, Stewie and Brian.