I start to stir. My hands are covered in blood, and as I look in the puddle I’m lying in, so is my face. I’m in a dark alleyway, and it’s hard to see. My hair is caked in more blood, in dry clumps. My shirt is torn down the bottom, and my jeans are hanging on by threads. I don’t remember anything, and I just realise my head is throbbing with pain. I’m dizzy as I stand up, but fall back into the puddle with a splash. I get up once more, and stagger over to a box. My stomach feels wet, and as I lift up my shirt, I see I’m bleeding from a gash just below my ribs. I try to stop the gushing blood, but my hands just make it hurt more. Tears roll down my dirty cheeks, and I cry out, as my bare foot steps on a shard of glass. I’m in so much pain; it’s hard to remember how it feels without it. I fall to my hands and knees, and then suddenly it starts to rain. My back is exposed to the cold water, so I shiver. I look up to the sky, and wonder how I got into this predicament. My eye lids feel heavy, and just before I collapse into unconsciousness, I have one thought: How?

please critique.

o_o

Creepy...very creepy, but I have a friend who writes creepy too so I see this a lot.

It made me shiver and wonder what happened to the character.

Disturbing.... I would use some other words than blood, it adds to the 'creepyness factor' -at least for me. I use phrases like 'crimson liqued' and for phrases bleeding phrases like 'life's source draining'... but thats just me.

Nice peice, and good luck!

ZOMG. Feels like a street-based scene with smog and unreal muted neon lights. O-O
one thing I'm feeling a bit weird about...in the first few sentences, you use blood quite often. And If the formatting was a big deal, I'd put How? on its own line to emphasize it. @
mang, it's like a movie story.