A lot of my friends live about 30 minutes/20 miles away and since my car broke down, I've had to use my parent's vehicles a lot. I try to visit them as often as I can and mostly we go to a bar called The Haunt every Wednesday night for Karaoke Night. It starts around 9 and ends around 2 in the morning. Since nothing really picks up there and I usually work until 9, we don't meet up until 10-10:30. The thing that REALLY irks me is I will drive all the way out there only for ONE person (out of 5 of us) to decide about an hour (sometimes LESS) later that they want to leave and go home and/or go to the State Diner (another spot of hours).

So I go home and it's really a waste of time that I even came out here; or I can go to the diner and waste money on food (because really, who can NOT eat at the Diner, especially when everyone else is?!) and just fatten up a bit more.

I guess the irritation is mostly in the fact that nobody really takes the fact that I drive such a distance to come hang out with them into consideration and then I'm expected to drive people home and what-not and I love my friends so much I don't really want to be like "Sure, for $5.00." It's just like...If you're so bored out here with us, YOU can go. I mean, there could be 2 people who want to stay, not including me, but whoever whats to leave will still find a reason to make them leave with them and I'm certainly not staying alone 'cause that's just...weird. >.>

They never offer you money for driving them around? O_o

It sounds pretty annoying to begin with, but for them to not offer you money is pretty inconsiderate.

what about doing something closer to your home?

Try explaining to them that its costly to visit them, and that you need abit of help? :)

- Nope, never. I think only one of my friends offers to give me $5.00 to drive her home and she just so happens to be the one who is tightest on cash. My other two friends have either full-time jobs that pay 11.75 an hour and work 40 hours week (who have no bills other than rent, which is covered for the summer), or have loaded parents who give them a huge 'salary' for being a good kid and getting good grades.

- NOTHING to do in my town, hah. Unless you want to go cow tipping? :P I think we've come to my house and had a bonfire once, but at the end of the night...I had to drive a vast majority of the guests home.

- I've tried and they preach how the understand, but still do shit like this. I've just lessened my visits by a lot, hah.

Well Best of luck to you : / Hopefully some good changes will happen.

do you drive your friends home because they have no other way? when you go to the bar, do you pick everyone up and take them all home? (i wasn't really sure how to read the first post)

I drive my friends home because the only other person who has a car asks me too and gives me some reason as to why she can't or doesn't want to. I don't really mind so much in general, it's the wasting my time going out there for only an hour then taking them home and going home myself. + I sometimes pick them up and take them home from bars, it really depends on who is shitfaced and who is not, haha.

Make them come to you for once!

i think you have every reason to be frustrated and/or upset by this issue. i don't think i could keep it going. i would seriously pitch a bitch about it... and either figure out a better way or find new friends.

Pardon me for saying this, but if they were truly your friends they would understand that this is costing you, and that they need to cherish the time that you spend with them. I do this with my friends and savor every moment, making it worth my while.

It doesn't matter how much they can say they understand; words are words. And I, being a writer, know the powers and faults of words. Sometimes people cannot comprehend things--or better yet, they don't want to understand, and they don't care. If all they're doing is leaving an hour after you've come so far to see them, then they aren't showing true care for you.

It seems like to me that all they want to do is go out an have some fun. To them? It's a convenience they can live with. To you? It's not so convenient; not at all by the way it looks in your post. Friendship is developed and maintained on a basis and standard higher than simply having "fun." If all we ever did was have "fun" with our friends, and never even attempted to understand--or care, for that matter--for our friends, we would have none. Because, well then, we're not really being friends after all.

Friends are supposed to be there in the ups and the downs. It looks to me that they're abandoning you in the downs. Or, to bluntly put it, it looks to me that all they are is using you. You're driving them home, and you don't charge? That's a free ride for them. And everyone likes to save money.

Really sorry if any of that's offensive; I am by no means attacking any of your friends. I am merely stating what it looks like to me from what you have posted. And I'm just trying to help. Hope you understand. :)

- I don't feel attacked at all. In fact, sometimes I do feel like they're using me. A lot of the time I'll be looking forward to going somewhere and at the last minute they'll bail out on me, thinking it's perfectly fine...and it's for some shit reason like "I have to work early tomorrow," early as in 11AM. If I bail on them for a legit reason such as I have no gas money to get there and back, I can't borrow the car, or something of the sort, I get a rash of shit about it. Same goes for issues with relationships, etc. I always get some snide comment like 'Why do YOU LET them do that to you?' like somehow I am asking for the emotional turmoil; but if they're having relationship issues, they'll drop me on the dime of a hat but expect me to be there for them 100%. I don't know, I'm bitching like they're awful friends, but they're not. They all have AWESOME qualities and are there for me when it REALLY counts, but a lot of the small things are adding up and I'm finding myself not WANTING to make the time to go out and see them. >.>

I used to have a couple of "friends" who never really listened to my sorrows or cared for that matter, but EXPECTED me to always be there for them, and unfortunately, that takes a toll on your emotional experience. If you think you're being used, you very well may be. We always have a habit of trying to deny that which we don't want to admit--that our friends are using us, or something like that.

There is also the possibility that one is focusing on the small things too much. That being said, small things actually count a lot more than the bigger ones. Should I explain this?

Smaller things also mean they're more frequent and common. Large things are not so much. If, for every large thing one has, ten smaller things are to follow, that's nine more things than the large. And -everything- counts. Not just "big" things, but all things, especially if you're dealing with relationships and not just simple math.

Having "awesome" qualities doesn't make a friend. A caring heart does. My advice to you would be to see if you can't meet some people who are closer in your region, and get to know them while maintaining contact with your friends. It may help a lot.

I myself have met other people and realized what it is to have a good, healthy relationship with friends as opposed to being only a tool for the sociopaths. I'm merely suggesting that you try to see if there are other people that better suit your needs. Not every person's personality always gets along with everyone they meet, despite how kind or awesome that person met may be. You know?

:)

- One of my friends in this group is actually one of the people that makes it all about her. I went to Middle School with her, but moved and finally met up with her again back in September and for the longest time we were inseparable. Then she and her boyfriend broke up and from then until I quit my job in Ithaca (which is where all my friends pretty much live and was about a month or 2 ago) it was all about her and her sorrows. It got to the point where I had NO more advice to give her and I honestly got ANGRY with her for coming to me with her problems. I was so consumed by HER needs that I had no time for my own and it was stressing me the heck out. The other main friend is there for me 90% of the time and is 99% of the time very understanding, but I think he's so sick of the relationship bullshit we had to deal with from the other friend, he just has nothing to say except 'Don't put up with it,' which I understand, but I just feel like I'm always there for everything, offering anything I can, but when I need something, everyone's too busy. I don't want to say they're selfish....or maybe you're right. Maybe I just don't WANT to admit it. Oof.

I'm going to sMail you on this one. :)

Im sorry to hear about your problem, it is a little rude for your friends to not offer at least something for gas. And I know what you mean, about nothing to do. The biggest attraction where I'm at, currently, is Walmart. And trust me, walmart, isn't that great.

- You're lucky to have a Walmart, haha. We got a Dollar General about 3-4 years ago and that was the best thing to happen to us...other than that we have a grocery store and a gas station or 2. That's it. :P