I have got SO MANY.

• Left the kitten outside for several hours. Upon letting him back inside, first thing he does? Use the litter box. He runs to it like he's been holding it all day. Tard.

• Recently, there were a grand total of four people in my room, including one of my three best friends, my boyfriend, and two other friends who had never been to my house before. Naturally, this is the moment that my bearded dragon lizard, Paarthurnax, chooses to fart for the first time in his life. And it was loud. And freaky. And really disturbing. It halted the conversation completely. We all looked over at him to see him perched on his basking rock, doing what they call "gaping" which basically is grinning like an idiot. He was so proud of himself.

• Both our yorkie and a poodle (which we ended up re-homing later) ran out the front door and escaped during a friggin' tornado warning storm. My mum and I were out in tornado weather looking for them. . . We got the poodle back inside before the worst of it hit, thankfully, but our yorkie we couldn't find, and we were really freaking out, but after the worst part had passed we discovered the neighbors from across the street had seen her running around and brought her inside because they were worried about her being out in the storm. Thankfully they know us, our dog (who loves escaping) and that she wasn't supposed to be out off the leash.

• When we moved into our current house, it came with three cats. None of them are with us anymore, but one, a maine coon named Lexy, was SO SPOILED. One day I went out to feed the cats. I poured food in the big bowl, and all the other kitties ran to it and started chowing down. Lexy, however, sat on the doormat and meowed at me with a very disdainful look. I got out her special purple bowl- she REFUSED to eat with the other cats, or even from the community bowl when none of the others were around- and filled it with food. But, she kept meowing and glaring. It took me a minute, and on a whim, I nudged the bowl into the shade (It was a hot Texas summer afternoon) and viola! She started eating. She made me put her food in the shade. Unbelievable.

• My aunt and uncle have a yorkie named Abbey, who is the sweetest dog I've ever met. She is also INCREDIBLY posh. They're pretty well off and travel a lot for work, and always find upscale pet-friendly hotels. One day they came back to the hotel to find the maid had let Abbey out of the room. They panicked, but soon found her behind the front desk, sitting on a special pillow, being pampered and loved on by the hotel staff. She won't eat when her parents aren't there. She won't accept treats unless they're given to her in the correct order, at the exact time of day that she's supposed to have them. She knows her meal times, and if they're late feeding her or giving her one of her daily regimen of treats, she starts whining very softly to get their attention, but never barks, and she'll stop as soona s they tell her to. She also won't eat if her food and water dishes aren't in the correct position; they have to be against the east-facing wall, with the food on the left and the water on the right. She is such a high-class pooch.

So, anybody else want to share their critter's stupid stories?

I once had a German Shepard who could turn doorknobs with her paws and push open doors. She'd follow me to school and my teacher couldn't keep her out of the classroom. She never learned to close the door behind her (This was back in the 70's when no-one locked their doors) so I would come home to find all my animals in the house. At the time I lived in a real rural area, and had chickens, ducks, goats, sheep, rabbits, a pet raccoon, two horses and a pony. Everything except the two horses were in the house. I found the Shetland pony curled up on my parent's bed, half a dozen chickens on the fireplace mantle and my milk goat asleep on top of the piano! My mom was not amused.

I am now 100% convinced that you live(d) in a Disney fairytale and you are a Disney fairytale princess

You never saw me up to my knees in horse s#!t. It was a lot of work keeping them, and I hated it when it was time to slaughter the rabbits, lambs, and chickens. I do miss riding the horses, and being able to have fresh eggs and goat milk for breakfast..., and that silly raccoon.
His name was rascal and he was like a big smelly cat. No matter how often I bathed him, he had a musky-skunky stink, but he would use a litter box and was so cute to watch when he would wash his fruit in the water dish or break open a pomegranate and pick out the seeds with his adorable little hands.

That sound way too cute. Ugh. ;_; I wonder if raccoons have scent glands like ferrets? Or it could be something like with dogs, where bathing them too much actually makes them smellier. The shampoo dries out their skin, so they produce more oil to remoisturize, and the oil is what the smell bacteria grows in. (I'm training to be a dog groomer so I know these things.) So adorable thouuuuugggghhhh urng raccooooooons

They're related to ferrets. A vet told me the glands could be removed, just like a pet skunk's, but that it was technically illegal to keep a raccoon as a pet. No way I was going to give up Rascal, I'd bottle raised him from a tiny baby after my neighbor had to kill his mom for raiding their chicken coop. He was the only kit to survive, and was my best buddy for about 5 years.

That's sad, about his mum and littermates. And it being illegal to keep a raccoon. Mrr. :c

Yeah. but now I live in the mountains where I can enjoy the racoons in the wild. I don't feed them cat food anymore 'cause I found out it gives them gout. But I have wild berry bushes ans crab-apple trees on my property, so I get raccoons, coyotes and the occasional bear passing through. The tree by my house.^

My lady budgie forgets I have hands sometimes. When she's resting on my chest and I move my hand to type on my keyboard or draw, she gets super startled and flies off to safety. She loves bathing, but refuses to touch the water if it's not in a clear bowl or glass filled to the brim so she can REALLY splash around, soaking both herself and everything around her.

My other budgie is tame enough to be described as a microscopic winged dog. He's really social, and if I have people over or something interesting happens, he'll try to push his face through the bars in the cage roof in a feeble attempt to escape. He has a thing with redheads for some reason, as in if he's allowed to meet my guests, he'll always choose to sit with a person with red hair if it's available.

The funniest moment was another budgie I had many years ago. She stuck her head in a leather cup used for dice games to investigate it, but lost her balance and fell in. I'll never forget her little legs waddling back and forth as we helped her out of it. It was the best thing ever.

I've had a lot of budgies, ok xD /fur allergic.

Im just going to link this.

Every time we change this box winston has this ritual. The original video is actually 1.15 of this but I cut it down for convenience

Back when I had salamanders-- Salamo, knew my voice and would beg for food. Walk into my room, say hello to the tank, and turn out. Come back two minutes later and this fat tiger salamander has his entire body pressed against the tank wall with his mouth open. I didn't starve him! He ate every day, he just really enjoyed feeding time-- Which was, take out of the tank, rest on my hand, open mouth, insert worm/cricket/occasional damsel fly, because he loooved those. He did this for the entire time I had him. However he got so large (almost over a foot.) my mom made me put him in the yard pond. I knew he survived because come next spring, so many tadpoles. I would also put out a little food dish for him, so I did see him eating from that occasionally. ( I also build an over shelter to prevent birds and oversnowing... I don't have photos however, this was when I was super young)

:c i want to be sad after typing this, he was a salamader dog.

One day while I was having breakfast, I was telling my mom about a video of a dog that got scared of his own farting when, I kid you not, my dog, a golden retriever farted loudly and he was so ASHAMED of his own fart he ran off and hid behind a rocking chair we have. I laughed like a whole hour because it was such a funny coincidence hahaha.
He now farts wherever he wants to and isn't ashamed of it anymore, he just acts like he hasn't done anything lol.

we just got a covered litter box and now my cat when she uses it flies out of it as though its chasing her.

My cat likes to hop between the litterboxes and dig around each one before deciding which to finally do his business in. This is usually about a 5 minute process before he actually goes.

Also, my ferrets frequently throw themselves off my bed and into the wall but I'm pretty sure that's just what ferrets in general do.

My friend has a teacup poodle named Winston. He's adorable and goes on runs with her sometimes, and he can go fairly good distances, even on his stubby little legs. They use one of those retractable leashes for him. One time she set the leash down and climbed a fence to pick blackberries. The sound of the fence creaking scared Winston, and he took off running. Once he started running though, the handle of the leash bounced along the gravel trail behind him. This scared him even more because he heard something thumping along the path right behind him, chasing him. So he kept running faster and faster trying to get away from his leash, until it got stuck on something and he couldn't get away anymore, so he curled up and shook cause he was so scared of his own leash. It's hilarious but also so sad. Poor guy.