...This shall be some interesting holidays...

Well, just a few weeks ago I though this was gonna be a normal month, like, a nice christmas, a happy new year... But I'll have a surgery one day after christmas, I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, so they'll took me blood and stuff like that, and even if I already passed a situations similar to this, I'm scared. I have 4 tumors now, they have no idea what they are, they may be not cancer, but there is a possibility... They appeared in less than 2 months (went to the doctor on agoust, had nothing, felt bad, went to the docot again on october, I had four of them) Even when I know there is a huge possibilitey ther aren't something serious, I'm still scared, and I just don't know why, it started just a few days ago, I don't know if it's because of the date, or if it's because it's not even a week for the surgery. I used to be way more possitive about this, I just don't know what happened.

Maybe it's because lots of things happened recently, I passes this year's birhtday in the hospital as well (pretty ironic it was my sweet sixteen, right? haha...). I had to stop practicing sports because of some heart problems (arrhythmia). Not only sport, my whole live changed, I can't even go up stairs without feeling sick and tired, I can't play with my little cousin and if I go shopping I'll have to rest every 10 mins... What is worst about this, is that my dad (my parents divorced long time ago) is "scared", so he just... Stays away (won't call, will ignore me...). I just started to take some medicne for my heart, but it'not making a big difference and today I almost fainted. I really want to feel like someone of my age again, I feel like an old lady... I have to worry about my joints, because they are way too flexible, about my heart, and now I'll have to make up my mind for possible cancer. I'd love if some of you would give me some ideas of any kind of activity I could do to improve my physical or just something to pass the time, because I'm in summre vacations, my mom won't be at home until night and those are the worst moments, when I'm alone. It's really easy to laugh if Im with a friend, but she can't stay with me allways and if I'm alone I'll get depressed.

And just one last thing... Does soemone... Has trichotillomania? Or knows what to do about it? I've been with it for 3 years now, I think, and just can't left it. I started making paper stars to distract my hands, but when I don't have paper, I unconsciously start doing it again, and just realise of it when I find the hair in my hands... I start to get over it, but fter all of this things started to happen, I started to do it again. I know lots of people went over this, so I'd love to hear some tips from you, because I can't keep with all of this now, I don't know anymore, is just like too much at one time

I don't know why I'm doing this thread, maybe is because I'm just tired of faking everything is alright. I'm tired of saying things like "yeah, surgery, so? everything will be fine lol, don't worry" or saying I cutter my hair (similar but shorter than my ha's) just because I wanted. I'm just ried of pretending to be srong while I cry almost everytime I'm alone in my room. I just think I really needed to talk about this to someone...

I'm sorry, that is so shitty :(

I have trich too, I've found keeping my hands occupied helps :) Also, I use tweezers for 5-10 minutes in the morning to pull out my leg hairs to kind of get it out of my system in a non destructive way.

So sorry to hear. What exactly is your dad scared of, do you know? Maybe you could write a letter to him describing how you feel, instead of hoping for a call or for him to pick up. Since letters are physically harder to ignore or interrupt and can be read when he's ready. I hope you're feeling better by Christmas. There's absolutely nothing wrong with opening up and being honest with how you feel, even if it means some tears.

I found out it helps as well but... I get bored of it way too easily... Ill try that o: Never though of it. And thank you!

He's scared of me having cancer.... Like, his mother died from cancer (if this happened to be cancer, it would be the same type she had) We had some kind of preject at school, and he wrote me a ltter that broke my heart, when I answered it, I didn't got a reply. He's just like that, whenever he is scared, or find something he doesn't likes, he'll run away of it. When his mother was sick, he didn't talked to her, and didn't saw her, because he didn't wanted to see her like that but... Now he's always regretting it, and now that I need him, he disappeared.... He lived in the US for a 7 years (I live in peru) and came back 5 years ago, we rarely talked that time so we just... Don't get really well together, I don't even know what to tell him because I know he'll react in a bad way... I just want my dad back, and I can't tell him that either.... And thank you! It really means a lot