My legal name is Emily, but that's not the name my parents gave me when I was born. I changed it this year. My parents aren't that happy about it, but I'm 22 and I make my decisions based on what is best for me first, and then I take others into consideration. Changing my name was what I felt was best for me.

My husband and I were talking about what he should call me while we're at their house for Christmas Eve/Christmas morning (they insist on calling me by my old name). We disagree slightly.

He thinks that I should call them and explain that while he will call me Emily it's not to offend them, blah de blah, walk on eggshells.

I'm tired of walking on eggshells around them. Tired. Sick and tired. I shouldn't have to be politically correct around them all the time. They aren't babies. They're responsible for their own reactions. My husband's defense is that they might be offended if we don't explain that that isn't our intent. My stance is that they'll be offended regardless because they're stubborn and stupid and that's just what they do. (I don't like them.)

When I explained this to him (I didn't say the part about them being stupid) he got upset and said "Fine, I'll just call you [old name]!" - So I said "Fine" clearly upset. I don't want him to call me by my old name. I want to be allowed to be me, without having to always put other people's stupid sensitive feelings before my own well being.

TLDR - My parents don't like that I changed my name and now my husband and I are in disagreement about how we should handle the holidays and what he should call me while we're at their house. (This will set a precedence for the future, so it's a big deal.)

Clearly I'm a bit upset as I'm writing this, but I need advice, Subeta. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

- Help please? D: You guys are smart. <3

If you legally changed your name to Emily, no matter the reason, that IS YOUR NAME now. Even at 22 you are still your parents' child, and yes, they will be hurt by you changing such a huge part of yourself that THEY gave you...but don't back down. I'm going to assume that this decision wasn't made on a whim and as such there really is no reason for anyone to not respect your decision.

You are absolutely correct that how this is handled in the future will be greatly impacted by what happens this year. If you allow anyone to call you by your old name, you are letting them know you are OK with that. You wouldn't have gotten a legal name change were that the case. Tell your husband that his support is a MUST. Be a united front and hopefully your parents will understand that you made this change to do what was best for you.

- I agree with . You need to make sure people call you Emily now, or you risk giving them implicit permission to continue calling you your previous name. It is understandable that your parents are unhappy, but if you want the new name to stick, you are going to have to push it on them--hopefully they will be able to take it in stride after the shock wears off. And even when/if they do accept Emily as your name, you will have to be patient with unintentional slip-ups (22 years of habit is hard to undo!).

Good luck.

I agree with . I can understand why they're upset, but it's your decision and they need to respect that. And yes, if you let them use your old name this time, it'll just make things harder in the future.

I sort of have secondhand experience with this through my mom. In her case, however, she was close to her parents, and was switching to her middle name, not an entirely new one, so it's a bit different from your situation. She said it took the family a long time to stop using the old name, though. Even once they did (most of my aunts and uncles now call her by a shortened form of her new name), whenever my grandpa sent us letters or packages, he'd still put the initial of her old name on the address in front of her name.

Good luck! I think Emily is a beautiful name, and I hope your parents will accept that this was your choice and something you needed to do for yourself. :)

If your husband calls you Emily, then he should call you Emily regardless of who is around

as for your parents/everybody else that new you by a previous name, i would kindly ask that they call you Emily, if they cant or wont, then ask if they dont call you your previous name either, or dont respond to them if they do. I hope everything goes well!

Agreeding that he should call you Emily, even while at their house. It won't hurt to talk to your parents probably before to give them a heads up that since you have changed your name, it would be appreciated to try and call you by your new name. If you feel it won't go over well if you have the chat, no harm in asking your husband to make the call. It's supposed to be a happy time for everyone.

If they do call you by your former name, you could try politely saying, "I know its a hard habit to break, but I'd really appreciate it if you call me by Emily, please."

Thanks guys. <3

He's going to call me Emily while we're there. I've decided that I'm going to ask people to call me Emily while I'm there, too. I told my parents previously that I don't expect them to call me Emily (stupid statement made trying to pacify them), but I will tell them that I desire to be respected. I'm going to expect my siblings to call me Emily, though. If they forget that's okay, but I will remind them nicely. As for continued contact with my family, it's up for internal debate right now and has been for quite awhile. :/ Wish me luck. I'm going to need it tomorrow. x-x

(Oh, hehe, I wrapped presents today and on the gift tags I wrote all of them "From [DH] and Emily" ;D)

I'm glad he's agreed to call you Emily! As your husband he should definitely be Team You. :) Good luck!

I happened to come across this forum and wanted to drop in and say that, even though I know it's late, I know where you're coming from. My husband calls me by a nickname that I am in the process of having my legal name changed to, and is always really awkward about what to call me when we're with my family. My family has also told me that no matter what I do, they're going to keep calling me by the name my mother gave me, because that's my name. facepalm Hopefully everything worked out well for you though. Good luck with this in the future, too. I know how difficult families are.