This came together earlier today and I'm maybe still a little miffed right now, but I'll try to keep this concise. A couple of months ago my sister texted me out of nowhere (we really don't talk, we get along better this way) and said she was thinking about buying a new flat screen tv for our parents for Christmas. That they have no problem with their current TV, but SHE thinks they need a better one. She said I could pitch in and she would get it from both of us.

I had to kind of hem and haw with her about this. I'm wrapping up my Masters degree this month and have to pay for it, and I've had a few other situations that make money tight right about now. Her response was, yeah, I'm broke too, I'm just going to put this on a credit card. She and I deal with money very differently, so that statement was a facepalm for me. I asked her to let me know if she was going to do it and I'd see what I could do.

So fast forward to today. We don't get along much, we really don't talk, but I have a knack with presents and I spent the past couple of days researching for a good condition 1983 Rainbow Brite doll because I know she will FLIP and love the present so much. I finally found a good one, complete with second outfit and a Twink doll. So I bought it for her and it should be there just before Christmas. I know that, if she gets me anything, it'll be a couple things she thought were cool in general and decided to send me. I'm not concerned: I want her to have Rainbow Brite, period.

So after I spend a chunk of cash on that, I text my parents about what they want. I kind of selfishly but reasonably hoped they'd say "nothing, for you to get that degree" like they've been saying, and then I could be off the hook and focus on finishing out the next couple of weeks. My mom texts back with:

"No idea. [Sis] and [sis' BF] just came by with a 32 flat screen tv. :) for you, just send me a card."

.... .... ... so she went ahead and bought it from the two of them, not giving me the chance to be part of the gift, and I look like the bum. Again, I didn't fully agree with the gift and the managing of it, but I... ok. Not feeling so many warm fuzzies about tracking down that doll for her now.

SO. How about you guys? Situations you've been in where you have gone out of your way for someone you knew or should've known wasn't quite on par in thoughtfulness? Or do you also have a general propensity for trying to find really great gifts for people?

I like to think of myself as an awesome gift giver. I find things that I know the person will love. My sister on the other hand? Not so much. It makes it hard for me to want to spend the time and money to find something she will enjoy. For the past 3 or 4 years she has gone and bought a bunch of stuff from dollar bins, wrapped it up, and randomly split it between my other sister and me. No thought went into it whatsoever. I don't need or want anything expensive, but some thought would be nice. When my niece was 5 or 6 (her daughter), she bought me a bottle of cheap kids shampoo because I borrowed some of hers and liked it. It still amazes me that her daughter knows me better than she does.

See, I think you nailed down what it is: paying attention to the little details about the other person. I think it's hard for some to consider others long enough to notice the small things and they end up pretty busy thinking about themselves in those situations. It's paying attention to the day to day stuff, I think.

ohhhh i get this so hard. i spend a lot of time trying to find good gifts for people(namely, my family) and unless i explicitly tell them what i want they end up getting me really last minute things because "im hard to shop for" which isnt true if you took a second to get to know me! this year i put very little thought into gifts for my family because i felt very hurt by them throughout the entire year... i was kind of miffed because my parents spent a huge amount of money on my sister who is nothing short of a brat but shes the younger sib so its petty of me to be jealous.

I used to get really upset about things like that but then I started looking at it in a different way: I started to be thoughtful not because I wanted their appreciation, but because -I- liked being thoughtful. It's changed how I react to thoughtless people. I still do good when I want, because I want to, but if they dont reciprocate I dont' get upset any more because I wasn't being generous for them, I was doing it for me. I totally understand why you'd be upset though. It's never nice to feel like you've been taken advantage of.