A little info:

I thought I was straight and dated a really abusive guy after a long string of boyfriends one of whom I fell in love with.

Then I started thinking I was gay. I dated a few girls but I never wanted to get any closer with them.

Now I don't know what I am.

What I do know is that relationships frustrated me.

I want to find the love of my life but I'm scared. I've only seen relationships fail miserably my entire life starting with my parent's divorce.

Some things that happen almost immediately:

1. Every thing they do bugs me.
2. I realize I just want to be left alone.
3. I break up with them a few days after.

Any ideas? I want a husband, a family, and kids but I have this huge hurdle to jump through.

I'm in a similar situation. I really want to have a husband (not so much the kids, lol) and I just feel like I'm...undateable I guess? Your list there, the first two items are me all over. My biggest hurdle is that I have misophonia - a disorder in which certain sounds (like whistling, picking nails, etc.) and certain movements (tapping fingers, bouncing knee, etc.) bring me immediately to a point of anger and extreme discomfort. I either have to tell the person to stop what's bothering me or get the hell away from whatever's bothering me asap. This does not bode well for relationships. I've never actually had what I would call a date...just times when I was still in school and went out to eat with a guy or played video games at each other's houses or whatever. I've tried explaining my problem to people when I ask them to stop something and most times they refuse to understand. They don't get it that I really hate telling them to stop whatever, but I can't help it. At this point I feel like my only option is finding someone with the same disorder...who happens to be close to my age...and lives within a reasonable distance.

If you don't think you're suited to be in a relationship right now you really don't have to be, I mean whats the rush? How old are you, anyway? No matter the age you really shouldn't be putting pressure on yourself to find a lifelong mate. Focus on your life and things that make you happy. People find confidence and happiness really attractive in partners and who knows maybe your furture partner will come to you one day and even then you never have to make things official right away. And maybe it's the commitment part that starts to bore you? Knowing too much about a certain someone, and knowing exactly what you dislike about them, and dwelling too much on certain qualities that may not be a "be all end all" type quality but at the time seems soo incredibly annoying. Just get to know people if you think you like them. And if they like you they won't rush you into a relationship you may not feel you want to get into right away.

I don't know, really, I think I'm rambling...

I turn 21 in two months. You're right though. I get so wrapped up in "I have to be married by 24" and it gets to the point where I get bored to tears over stupid stuff.

I think a lot of people feel like this honestly. don't worry too much about it imo; people with similar weird quirks and annoyances are bound to meet up eventually. they always come when you're not looking for them, too. you should realize though that you won't ever find someone who is absolutely ideal and perfect in every way for you. relationships are about acceptance and compromise, that's what makes romantic AND platonic relationships strong. just take a breather and realize everything is going to be ok, I'm sure you'll find someone!!

just remember, if you don't think you should be in a relationship right now, don't be. If you find yourself in a relationship at this point in time, get out now. It's unfair to the other person and more importantly, yourself if you aren't straight up with and honest with your personal gut feelings.

I'm only 24 years old here and let me just mention you have plenty of time to meet all kinds of different people who have interests in all kinds of things. Different personalities and different experiences. You don't need to rush, no pressure. Just go out and meet people. Join clubs or groups meet people who have the same interests as you do, and take it easy :)

I was in a similar position at one point in my life. And, as cheesy as it sounds, "Mr. Right" appeared when I least expected it. I'm not going to go into all the details of my past, miserable relationships, but it's a similar story to the one you laid out. I also got irritated over little things with others, and I realized it was my fault. Take some time to find out who you are, what YOU like, be selfish for a while. Find your vibe, and eventually someone who meshes with you will come along and everything will fit together like a puzzle.

Maybe you just haven't found the right person. I know some people I would not be able to tolerate dating! But also maybe you're a little afraid of letting people close. You might think they will hurt you? Or that you will cause the relationship to fail? Spend a little time to ask yourself what you think about relationships and how your parents relationship may have affected your perceptions. Try to be cut people some slack, tell them straight up what bothers you and see if things get better. If you feel like breaking up you could sit on it for a few days and see if you feel like you gave it a good try and it's just not right.

I am twenty-five and I can finally say I'm dating someone "properly," haha! While I've had boyfriends sporadically throughout, this is the first one I am taking seriously because I really do like him for some reason. It's terrible to think that I never realized how just.. not interested I was in dating until I met this guy. It's worth the wait, for sure, and even when you're sure that you've met someone worth the wait, it's still kinda scary not knowing how it'll turn out!

But don't try to push the issue,.. You shouldn't have a timeline for finding love -- it's like searching for the meaning to life, you know? You're too busy wondering about it to actually live it.

Maybe you're going after the wrong type of people? For 1 and 3, my fiance was the same way when he was 21: he dated a bunch of girls and then would dump them for the most insignificant things in the world. When he explained it to me he said that he just... didn't really know what he was looking for, so he'd work backwards and find issues with the people he'd date like they had to have something wrong with them. It was like he was thinking people were guilty until proven innocent... which is kind of scary-- because then it's like, "Prove to me you're NOT a witch" (and it's impossible to work backwards that way). Don't set yourself up into believing that all relationships have unresolvable issues-- in fact, make a list of unforgivable deal-breakers that you will not stand for. I made one, and honestly, it allowed me to figure myself out better (it's a deal-breaker if they lay a hand on me, if they have a crappy can't-deal attitude around kids, etc.).

For , maybe you're in introvert, like me? There's a difference between being shy, and being an introvert. As an introvert-- I don't get anxious and uncomfortable, I just get downright exhausted in social situations. I literally need social recharging and alone time, because most of the time I prefer to be around a handful of people rather than too many. I had to find someone who respected that boundary and who preferably had similar social demands (so they wouldn't pressure me to go with them to social occasions and I wouldn't hold them back from their social commitments).

I'd also say that: no relationship is ever easy. In fact, a lifelong relationship is probably going to be the most emotionally demanding and hardest thing you're going to do. Your commitment will be tested, your heart will be vulnerable, but in the long run-- you have to ask, would you regret it if you never had a family (kids or no kids) of your own? It could be worth it. You have time to figure out who you are at 21. It's easy to want to do Mommy Math early-- but I highly advise you not to follow that plan too strictly.

I'm not sure how you currently go about dating, but have you tried the friends first approach? I always had sort of a policy, if you will, of not dating someone unless I got to know them as a friend first. Usually once you know someone as a friend, you have a good idea of whether a romantic relationship would make sense or not. It saves a lot of drama, pressure, and heartache. Eventually, you'll probably come across someone who doesn't drive you nuts, who you want to spend time with. Also keep in mind that once you're in a relationship, you don't have to spend every waking moment with that person. It's normal (and healthy!) to want some time to yourself. As for age, try not to worry about it. When our parents were our age, yes, they were getting married. Now though, most people I know aren't getting married until their late 20's or early 30's. There's no rush.

Just take a break from relationships for awhile and try to stop worrying over finding "the one" and starting a family. You've got time. You've got other things to do. It'll happen however it happens, and going through a load of unsatisfying relationships in a quest to find someone special is a good way to become bitter and insecure. If you meet someone you really like, figure out why you like them. As someone else said, also try to figure out what you can't tolerate about someone in a relationship. But seriously, it sounds like you just need a break to focus on other things in your life and not even think about stuff like starting a family yet.

You don't have to label what you are. Just be you. If you find someone you really dig, then be with them until it doesnt work anymore. Then don't be with them. You've got to stop putting so much emphasis on "what am I" and getting to the 'end goal', because there really IS no end goal. Just enjoy the journey and have a great time, and if you find someone you want to keep around forever, that's amazing. If you don't, and relationships arent for you, that's totally cool too and you can find someone else (or several someone elses) who mesh with that lifestyle too. Good luck <3