So this is more complicated than I thought. Back in high school, when hormones are raging and whatnot, I fell for my best guy friend. Head over heels, or what I thought it was. We dated, it ended HORRIBLY because of me. I lost the best friendship I ever had. Closer than any other ones. Flash forward five years, I'm happily in a relationship for a year and he just got a new girlfriend. Posting "I have the best girlfriend in the world!!! <3" on facebook...I feel weird jealousy, but I'm so happy with my boyfriend! Like, soulmate happy, but I have this sharp pain to the heart.

I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice to get over it, or stories of your own! I just need someone to talk to - my boyfriend was pretty nonchalant about it.

EDIT: I have moved on further than the moment I wrote this. If y'all keep reading on, there's stories and sympathies that everyone can share.

Ok I literally just had this happen, sorta. I have a post from today because I randomly cannot stop thinking of my ex. Things ended weirdly. Every once and a while I check out his fb to see what going on. Whenever he has a girl friend I get insanely jealous, even though I have been in a happy committed relationship for almost four years. In high school i had five guy friends asked me out, and I said no to everyone for this reason. I was so scared that i would lose a friendship. Im kind of lurking here to see what people tell you because i cant get my ex out of my mind.

It's the happy feelings that you remember right? Like the good times, and just the pure emotions attached to that time in your life. I thought he was my first love, but really he wasn't. I know I loved him, but it was a different kind. I regret so much losing that friendship but it feels like a sort of betrayal on the ex's part xD Like "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE RELATIONSHIPPED."...But I didn't tell him when I started my relationship either...

Yes! Ugh I feel bad for both of us, its such a hard feeling. This was my first love. We were torn romeo and Juliet style (modern and no dying) away by my parents. I was sent away to out of state boarding school and was allowed no contact. When I came home he tried calling me twice a year. Every year, for four years. I still love him, but hes not for me. Do you ever catch yourself wondering what if? Like it sounds like youre happy with your new man but its just this pressing feeling. Its worse for you in my opinion because you lost a friend too, i cant imagine how much that hurts. How long did you two date?

Man, your story is so sad @ Mine is nothing like yours. We dated 3 months but that felt like forever. We just weren't physically attracted to one another, but mentally we clicked like no other. We talked about the future and how it would be nice growing old with one another. Previous to this relationship, we had been best friends for three years. Again, not a long time but in highschool that was pretty long. It's like. I don't miss the relationship, I miss the friendship the most. I moved out to Ontario, away from my hometown in British Columbia (so across country) and lost almost all my friends. I think I'm just losing touch with everyone I know. Even stopped in Alberta for 3 years of education and lost all my friends there. Sure, they're on my facebook...but are they really? Facebook friends barely mean anything but to me they mean everything.

Was it hard moving from being friends into trying to be physically more than friends? I can imagine that would be an awkward move. Three years for a guy and a gal to be friends is a long time. I applaud that, especially in high school. Facebook friends aren't the same. I know what you mean. Just because they say friends doesnt mean they care or will be there to hug you when youre down. If you dont mind me asking what happened in your relationship that caused it to end? DId you stop being friends in high school? Was that a tough transition? Did you share many mutual friends?

Sometimes I miss him so much, but we only dated for a few months. I struggled with cutting and verbally abusive parents and he was always there. He would stand up to them. Apparently in high school he got into drugs and got arrested. I see his facebook and he seems so different but he still has his sweet eyes. When i think of him it makes me feel like im cheating on my bf. Like i dont want anything to do with him romantically anymore (its only what ifs that cross my mind) but i feel bad :( oh well life goes on. I actually bumped into him last year, he passed me in the mall while i was with my bf. He did a double take but i kept walking. He looked so confused.

It was difficult, which is kind of why it ended. I wanted to further the relationship physically, but we both weren't really ready. That three months? We only held hands. We never kissed xD Very innocent relationship. It was a long time to be friends with him, but he's just one of the genuine Good Guys which is why he's so nice and you can't say anything bad about him! It was me who ended it badly. I couldn't do it to his face, so I did it through the computer. Then summer hit and I never talked to him. It hurt to LOOK at him because I was heartbroken from the lost friendship. We had a close group of friends, so it was hard to not be around him...but he was gracious enough to let me have my chick friends and I backed off of his friends too. All of our friends were mutual friends sadly. You're exactly right about the Facebook Friends thing xD Spot on. I would love to hug you.

I am right there with you for the cutting and verbal abuse (my mom). I also was dealing with surfacing sexual abuse I had blocked out in my mind (TMI? Sorry). He was just there for me, much like your man was there for you. That's almost heartbreaking he did a double take. My bf and I almost ran into my ex too! If we had walked one block further with my drunken friend it would've been a confrontation. It's not cheating though, it's a first love that you feel. We have to remember, teenagers feel things so much more than adults. Everything is so intense for us at that age. Like the love we feel for our boyfriends is different. It's like..an ever-lasting love, but the first boy is like a spark. It's the ignition to the cockles of the heart. You never feel the first love again.

Thats sad you had to lose not only him but part of your friend group. Its ok to have a non physical relationship, especially in high school. I only kissed my boy friends or held hands. I wasn't too physical either. Its hard to end a relationship, especially when there isn't really anything wrong at first glance. Im sure you didnt want o hurt him but you didnt like or care for where the relationship was heading. Have you tried talking to him since this or is it pretty much over? Do you think that time could make this back into a friendship or does that seem pretty impossible. Did you say you told your current bf about this, if so what did he say?

Never tmi :) I agree about feeling more intense, and i feel like it was amplified because we were going through so much drama and emotional stuff. I almost cried when I saw him, but it was for first love not love now. Could you imagine how awkward it could have been if you did run into your ex? what would you have even done? I just cant get over that for four years, despite my parents yelling and changin our number he called. Even when i never answered. It was also the first time i felt beautiful to a guy, a good looking guy . Ugh emotions. someone needs to comment and tell us how to stop thinking of them

I'm glad someone else wasn't as physical as others in highschool too. You make me feel so much better about this. Of course I didn't want to hurt him, I think I hurt myself more than him...but who knows. We've actually hung out in the summers I was back in my hometown. Gotten drinks and just talked about stuff. He seems really happy, and I only want that for him. It is possible I could mend the relationship a bit more - but I'm scared about it xD So much time has past. I told him about the "best girlfriend in the world" comment and how it seemed out of character for him, but I also put emphasis on that he wasn't a serious boyfriend. I might try to talk things out with him, my bf is so sensitive! He gets really down when I talk about ex's for he fears my love for him wanes.

I think he cared for you in a way that my guy did too. It's like, the white knight in all of this. The savior of all the crappy things that are high school. I just feel we need to voice these feelings more often or something. Because just talking to you? I feel so much better than I did an hour ago. I wish I could help you xD I think it's better talking to them, in all honesty. Talking to the Ex that was your first might not be that bad. Just an update with what's going on? I think it's harmless. Also, talking to the current boyfriend is even more healthy I believe. I'm a big communicator person, gotta talk through my problems.

I agree. PEOPLE. COME TO US.

I feel like all of my friends were getting physical. I waited and im glad because i wouldn't have been ready. Do you think if you met his girlfriend you would feel like jealous? I dont think that it could hurt, but then who knows id never want to meet my exs gf. Its cute your bf gets nervous but i can see where it could get annoying if you were just trying to talk to him. I mean its not like you want him to feel bad and you probably feel bad when he does so its counter productive. My bf doesn't like talking about it> he says the past is the past, but i think the past helped shape were we are now so its important to know.

White knights for first loves are the best but hardest to get over in my opinion. Im sure hes changed so much that he would never be able to be my white knight again. I remember the past, how he'd sing me to sleep and do anything to be by me. Even though most of our relationship was "long distance" (we spent lots of time of the phone i had to sneak out to see him). I havnt talked to him in five years. I wouldn't even know what to say.

Talking to you has made me feel 10000 times better. I dont feel wrong or bad for thinking how i do. Thank you so much. I felt so guilty but you really made me understand first love and how it affects us.

I was so not ready for physical stuff in high school xD Not even a little. I don't even think I would get jealous of his new girlfriend. I am so happy he met someone xD But just...shocked. What about you? Would you be jealous of your Ex having a new girlfriend?

Yeah, my guy is not like...jealous? But he just gets self-conscious a lot. Which is ridiculous because he's awesome xD He was bullied a lot and never had a long-term girlfriend before (he's my first long term too). Moreover, completely agree that the past shapes us. My boyfriend agrees with us too on that, he's a history major so it's kind of his thing to believe that! And he was picked on as a kid, he said it really taught him self awareness and kindness towards others. He's glad he was bullied because he said "I'd be the biggest asshole if I wasn't", weird thought process.

I completely agree. Why couldn't we have shitty first boyfriends? Like, the worst of the worst? NICE GUYS, UGH (said no girl ever XD). Like we mentioned about the past, we reflect on those times so much that we start idolizing them into this fantasy almost. Sure they were sweet, but White Knights do anything for their maidens. And when we're younger it's easier to do. Adults have responsibilities and life that interferes. Teenhood is all about socialization and discovering one's self.

Really?! I'm so glad that we worked through it together. I knew Subeta was a good forum to go to. I reflect on what First Love means so much, I knew I wasn't crazy about thinking emotions were more intense and vivid back then. It makes me feel so good that you realized why you feel these things, and that it is okay to feel them. We're not bad people! We don't want to go back to them, we've moved on but our teenselves haven't. I think it's normal xD

You never fully get over your first love. It's perfectly normal. I still check up on mine sometimes, and I got a weird feeling in my stomach when mine got married, even though I was happily dating my boyfriend (now husband). It's just the nostalgia that hits you like a freight train sometimes. It happens to me in other parts of life too. Whenever I think "back to the good ol' days", I get the same wave of sadness, even though my current life is fantastic! I akin that feeling to a closed door that will never open again. It's sad, and as a human, a part of you will yearn for it. But we humans cannot control our emotions, we can only control our actions.

Basically, growing up sucks sometimes...

It's the shock of it at first too. It just came out of NOWHERE but mine isn't one to broadcast it all over the planet. Just a subtle like "I have the best girlfriend" threw me. I'm glad that it's more of a nostalgia/closing of the door thing...and that other feels it. See !! We're not alone! Maybe it's the years that have grown between the time of having a first love to what we are now...

Try this on for size: I tried a dating site, met the guy, liked him a good deal, we kept dating, went out for a bit over a year. He ended up moving to my town, though not in with me, and I managed to get him a job at the business my father is a VP at. We break up shortly after that (having had several on and off again fights by this point) and I realize that I liked the thought of a relationship so much that I was blinded by how wrong he was for me. I broke it off on the best terms I could manage, knowing he was on "my turf" still. My town, my dad's place of work where I've had odd-jobs here and there as their photographer, etc... Then I get a job at the same place when they decide to hire me on as their marketing team. It's been about 2 years and I started dating a friend I had from a couple towns over. Someone I had a crush on for a good part of childhood. We're engaged now. And I'm still coming into work every morning to see my ex in the same building, passing him in the halls, etc...

You will never get 100% over it. Whatever lingers after; jealousy, spite, anger, regret... That sticks. And it's not fair. But it's the pain of a scar you learned from. However... Looking at the situation and finding closure on your own and conditioning yourself to let it go is a personal journey that can HELP. But like I said, I don't think you ever get over it completely. You'll always feel a pang of something left over...

The best way i saw it expressed was someone had two hearts made of different color clays. When they mixed together, symbolizing two people in love, they were a mix. Then when they tore apart to symbolize a break-up, they had a little bit of the opposite color left in them still. A little part of the relationship you shared will always be with you. And I think it's best to learn from such experiences.

Anyway, Best of luck. It's a hard hard journey to go on sometimes.

That is so harsh. But you're a really amazing person to let someone that you broke up with still live in your "turf" as you called it. I am sorry he was wrong for you but you seem like...even more than okay with everything that went on. Like [User=FallingInReverse] and I felt it was such a "shock" to our systems, You've handled it like an adult and just moved along as best you could. I really admire that.

That clay heart metaphor is brilliant! That's exactly how it is/was. I feel that there's only a little part left of Jordan (the first) but I'd never want to go back to him. Much too in love with my fart-y companion. Learning is all we can do as human beings, and I'm so glad I branched out to people on Subeta. Such touching words, I thank you again for them.

I really do think I have moved on, the shock has worn off completely and I am so happy he met someone xD You know those great guys that always should end up with a great gal? Well, I think he did. They're both ski-bums, love dogs, and hikes. Really look like they found one another :3 Hard journey, but I think that it's almost over for me. If I got a wedding invite I'm sure I'd freak out a great deal more xD

I'm glad you're able to have a more adult stand with your ex, as well. I've witnessed a few relationships that end and turn just venomous and angry... And both sides lose. But while I've worked in the same place as my own ex, he DID get married. While I do carry on short conversations in passing with him and such, I do still look at him and feel irritated with myself for having stayed with him so long. I should have been smarter to realize someone so immature and over controlling was very wrong for me. But I can nod to the horrible time with him as having taught me to appreciate my fiance now so much more. And if that's all I took from that time with my ex, then so be it.

Happy you're almost to the end of your journey! You'll be able to look back and grin, knowing that you dealt with it all and stand at the end of it an adult who didn't kick and scream like most people seem to in break-ups these days. Kudos. XD <3

I read you wrong last night xD You almost "hatred" (Feels too strong of a word) for you ex is more apparent in the sunlight! He's married @ It's been like two years!! I MISSED OUT ON THE CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART THING. THAT IS ADORABLE. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE ENGAGEMENT. I really gotta read stuff better.

That's hard to be in a relationship like that. My sister "Likes' the verbally abusive men? I don't know, our father is the most soft spoken man minus when he needs sleep xD But anywho. She was with Rog who was an okay guy, his dad ran out on him at a very young age so my parents helped him get his mechanic schooling. Like paid for his course and kicked him in the ass, hard. My sister broke up with him via PUNCHING HIM IN THE FACE after he yelled/they both got drunk and yelled/did something dumb. After they broke up she went into another disgusting relationship and Rog prospered. Moral I get? Sometimes people are better apart. It took both of them like 7 years to figure that out. SEVEN YEARS. Then she was with the lastest a-hole for another 3/4 years? She doesn't learn quick that one. My sister also boyfriend-hops and doesn't do self-reflection well.

Either way, I think she looks back on her first relationship and hopes Rog is doing well. He's a better dude because they broke up. I'm sure you're a better person for breaking up with your EX. Figured out exactly what you wanted from a relationship that way. It may have taken longer, but in the beginning of all relationships people are VERY blind in my opinion. My guy and I are both awkward and shy-ish people. He's more shy than I but he's so smart. Not like, Rain Man smart, but he loves academics and that's what made me stay with him for the first months. Ambition is a hawt item in men - that's what I want to see in my relationship. Ambition for ANYTHING. My boyfriend loves video games and philosophy! He would love a career in either one of those things, but needs guidance. My ex? He didn't know what to do, though he was 16 at the time. But I knew what I wanted, and sadly it wasn't him. I don't have any of that irritation feeling, just fleeting jealousy when I see him and his girlfriend (for the first few pictures because of the shock).

Oh, man. I totally understand... I was talking to a boy I really really liked, but he had just gotten out of a really nasty break-up and his behavior was ridiculous. He wasn't ready for me, and I was disgustingly infatuated with him! He pushed me away and it totally bruised my heart and hurt my ego. Everyone told me I was too good for him, that he didn't deserve me, etc., but even while I was licking my wounds, all I could do was think back to him!

A year of sporadic messages pass trying to forget him (and dating other people), and he's back in my life again. I don't know what to think about it -- I'm shocked, awed. Grateful at the opportunity for a second chance... a bit wiser, a bit more wary, but happy to have this unfold.

Some time is good for people. I know for me, time is the only thing that can help me figure out exactly what I want...be that from a relationship or a friendship. It makes me wary that everyone said that he was too good for you, again! Time has passed and a break-up can be hard on anyone. It's also a good thing he had time afterwards - you NEVER want to be the rebound person/people.

Take it slow! Remember that pain your heart felt (as awful as it was) and don't let him do it again!! i'm glad you've dated since then, dating other people really makes it clear for what you want from a relationship - for reeeals.

:) Thank you for the considerate reply, I really do appreciate it! I am taking it very slowly and trying to keep my eyes open -- I don't want to be guilty of making the same mistake twice, but I also couldn't let myself not take the chance when the opportunity came around. I don't want to become an old lady trying to kick myself in the butt for never being brave enough to give it a shot. :S