I never wanted to write this. I'm honestly surprised I can, but I'm fortunately in a rare, calmer state of mind at this moment.

On the night of August 24th, my beautiful sister passed away. She didn't talk about her health struggles often, but I promised her I would notify all of her Subeta friends. In hindsight I can't get to the entire friends list so I'm just pinging the ones on her profile.

In March 2021 she was diagnosed with metastasized breast cancer. She fought so, so, SO hard. She had radiation, chemo therapy, numerous medications and a couple surgeries. She went to the ER on the 18th and everything spiraled in the coming days. She had a wonderful care team and everyone did everything they could... I'm still reeling from the shock.

The last Subeta item she got for me was the Tumbling Nyapolitan Triple Scoop so I've made that my HA in tribute. I don't know if I will be logging onto Subeta much, if at all, once we receive the documentation I need to have staff memorialize her account.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I cannot imagine life without her. I don't want to imagine a life without her. The whole family is shattered.

She was surrounded by loved ones and passed away at home. We're still in the chaos of planning for her funeral. I fear for my mom especially. I hope we can all receive therapy of some kind...

I can't even go to the bathroom without walking passed her doorway and seeing her room. All of her things...

Please, please, if you have breasts, get a mammogram. Zelly was 46 when she passed. 43 when she was diagnosed. My mom and I are planning a trip together to have ours done.

Zelly and I were planning to go to the zoo together next month. She wanted to see real life bats. She wanted to see our niece and nephew grow up. We all wanted her here. I can't believe this is real and I'm so sorry to share the news.

I can be reached via email at epona3 @ gmail.com but please, please understand any responses may be delayed or never come at all. This is the first time I've opened my computer since it happened. I'm eating and sleeping when I can. I've spent nearly every waking moment with her since 2009 or so when we became especially close. I've never been more lonely. Every day she was always sitting next to me. I keep wanting to show her things. Ask her things. We did everything together. I mostly keep thinking of things to apologize to her for.

My parents are in their mid 70's and I'm more afraid than ever of losing more. Everything is terrifying right now.

I can't really think of a way to end this, so I guess I just will. Take care of yourselves. Even if you have a weird pain that seems inconsequential, get that shit checked out. In Zelly's case, it was arm pain that led to the diagnosis.

Oooh sweetheart 😭😭😭😭😭 I cant even tell you how sorry i am we lost such a sweet amazing person like her!!! Even online friends can be as close or closer than visible friends, i wish i had the chance to meet her though!! Sending too much love and care to you and your parents, if you need to talk or cry or anything, message me and ill send my real name for Facebook if you need someone asap <3

Awwwww Girl! {{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUG}}}}}}}}}} I am so sorry for your loss! I saw this on Facebook and it took a little bit for it to sink in. I'm still in shock! I had no idea she was even sick :( She was such a kind soul and I will surely miss her on here, especially during holidays which was when she was usually most active. If you need anyone to talk with I am here. If I don't reply msg me on FB any time! I know what you are going through and how much it helps to have someone to cry with or just someone to listen.

I’m so very sorry to read this. Will be thinking of you and your family and hope you all take care of yourselves as best you can.

I haven’t spoken with Zelly (or been properly active on Subeta) for many years, but remember her being a very sweet and kind person. We initially connected over pets/animals, as she had just had the lovely little cat CW now on my HA made in memory of one of her cats (and very kindly let me buy a copy, as I believe it was private) <3. I’ll make a better HA with it later and do it justice!

May I just offer you a super tight hug?

I'm so sorry for your loss. My parents are both getting up there in age too and in poor health and I understand what you mean by everything being terrifying now. It makes me wonder how they possibly made it through when their parents passed.

I wish I could give you words that would comfort you, but I know that nothing anyone says could possibly make anything okay right now. Just know that my heart breaks for you and for your lovely sister. It sounds like she was a fighter. I'm sure she'd be very proud of you for pushing on.

Make sure you let yourself feel, and don't try to swallow all that pain. You will always miss your sister, but in time what once was a gaping wound will be a dull ache.

I know you don't know me, but feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk.

@ Everyone here: Thank you all for the lovely replies. I'm struggling at keeping up talking to people but I want you all to know you're appreciated. If any of her friends want a link to the obituary send an sMail and I can privately send that along.

We had a lovely memorial for her on September 13th last month with friends, family, music, a bubble machine and snacks. There was an open mic for folks to share whatever they wanted to say. It was as nice as it could have been given the circumstances.

Thank you hug You're so sweet. I don't use facebook very often, but I would be happy to add you if you wanted to send it to me.

Thank you sweetie. Sending so many hugs back. I'm sorry you didn't know she was sick. She didn't want it publicly shared, especially on facebook. She didn't want it to be the first thing people associated her with. She fought SO hard though.

She talked about you! :) I know you're one of the lovely people she spoke to about animals. I did see the sweet HA you had made with the kitty when you first commented. It wasn't a strictly private CW, but she had a notepad that she tried keeping track of who owned it as best as she could and I think friends were more likely to get a copy. Thank you for the lovely comment!

Thank you, sending you a huge hug back. ❤

Thank you so much for the beautiful message. I really appreciate it and that even people who don't know us are reaching out. It's a warm feeling for sure. Also, I love your little black kitty!

It's been so long since I have been here on Subeta. I know you messaged me elsewhere and I replied, but I wanted to say something here as well. This is, after all, the place I bet you and your sister. Zelly will be missed greatly missed. She was an amazing person, and we all had so much fun together back when I was more active here. I think of our time with the Wayward squirrel often. I still have most of the content we wrote saved too. It will be a way to remember Zelly. I truly will miss her. Big hugs to you and I am hoping for peace for you and your family.