I just need to shout into the void. I'm struggling right now, and I don't connect with my therapist again until later this week.

I've been having dreams about my mom and my late husband. They passed away within 2 years of each other.

I lived a mile from the cemetery where they're both buried but this last weekend, I moved to a tiny town 2 hours away. It's not as easy to go visit now. And since the move, I've been having nightmares about them.

In nightmares with my mom, she's angry and hates me because I've abandoned her. She'll tell me what an awful daughter I am and how she never wanted me.

In nightmares with my late husband, he refuses to acknowledge that I'm remarried and expects me to financially support him and pay off all sorts of debts he got himself into after he died (dream logic ftw). He says I owe it to him for not trusting him (a long and unrelated story).

I wake up feeling awful and I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a week, now. What really frustrates me is knowing that if they were still alive, they would be SO happy for me moving and getting my own place. They would be supportive and wouldn't want to hold me back.

This happens anytime there's a big change in my life. My dad getting remarried, getting promoted, moving... I hate this. I hate it so much. I just want my brain to shut down.