hi everyone.... posting here for personal advice is very new for me, but given my unique situation, I can't really talk about it in my normal channels.

to sum up, about a year ago, a new staff was hired in the program I work at at my job, and she and I clicked immediately. Over the last year, we became very close friends, inside and outside of work, to the extent that I asked her to be a bridesmaid at my upcoming wedding, and she gladly accepted (we both cried happy tears)

three weeks ago, I noticed fraudulent charges on my debit card (yes, what you're thinking right now is correct, but I will give more context). I immediately called my bank, canceled the card, etc. The first strange moment was when this friend said she would help me look for my card since it wasn't in my wallet, and claimed she found it thrown loose in a bag. I had a feeling right then and there that something was off, as I would never just throw my debit card in somewhere loose. After reviewing all of my transactions with the bank, there was a total of 18 charges, over three months, totaling around $430. Some of the transactions were right across the street from her house, and some were at businesses where I knew for a fact she was inside the store at the time, because I drove her there myself.

Now fast forward, I contacted local police and gave them all my bank statements with the time and date of each transaction, and they were able to review footage and confirm that it was in fact, this so-called friend of mine who was using my debit card. Initially I was in shock because I was soooo in denial and really hoping my gut feelings weren't true. I confronted her about the security footage and she still denied it at first. Eventually, she said she wasn't denying it, but she didn't know what I wanted her to say.

She ended up quitting her job on the spot (she would have been fired anyway) and I haven't talked to her since. During our only conversation about it, I did tell her I don't want her in, or at, my wedding. I don't have any specific questions but I guess my struggle here is that I feel like I don't have closure. This was someone I considered a best friend - we talked about having kids at the same time and raising them to be friends. I felt like I knew her quite deeply, and then very suddenly, I felt like I didn't know her at all. And since this is technically a workplace/HR issue as well, I can't talk about it with any of my other coworkers.

Has anyone here had something similar happen to them? Did you find your sense of trust was altered after? I just feel very deceived and I don't understand how I didn't see any signs or red flags :(

Hi! I'm so sorry you had to go thought this.

3 years ago, I worked at a law firm and they hired another girl at the same time I was hired. I had the initial impression that she was a very serious person and that she wouldn't want to be friends with me, but my impression was wrong and we ended up connecting.

She didn't have many friends in the city and said that something always got in the way of her friendships when the intimacy of the friendship increased. I started inviting her to my group of close friends, and we went out several times over a year or so, and everyone really liked her.

I started to notice, after a while, that she was always saying bad things about other co-workers to me and I ended up discovering that she was also saying horrible things about me to other people in the workplace.

When this happened, I continued to be the same kind person to her at work, but I stopped inviting her to events with my close friends, because I no longer trusted the sincerity of her friendship.

At that time, she was flirting with our boss's brother, and they started going out together. She received confidential information from the company due to this relationship, and began to use the information to manipulate other workers. She would tell extremely personal stories, like relationship problems with our bosses brother, to extract information that she could use against people later.

She gave her opinion, several times, on who should be fired, and these people were in fact fired. The work environment started to get dark with her there.

After a while, she started using information I confided in her to harm me too (like my desire for the office to have more home office days). One time, she went on a trip with her boyfriend and our boss, and ruined everyone's vacation so she could take the time off she wanted.

I don't work for this company anymore, but what i think about those people is that they get what they deserve in the end.

I offered her my true friendship, and a group of friends that she could rely on, but as she betrayed my friendship, she might have done it another time before with other friends too, and that's why she is so deeply alone. This episode didn't change the way i always make friends with an open heart, and it shouldn't change your sense of trust either, because you were a loyal friend, and there are a lot of nice people out there that would love to be your friend.

I think maybe you don't need closure about this person in particular, because someday you will find a bunch of people who reciprocate your friendship by just being loyal and sincere the way you tried to be with her. And if she doesn't change the way she behaves with friends, she'll end up as alone as the so-called friend i had too.

I hope you feel better about it when the grief goes away, and i hope you find nice people on your journey.

If you need to talk about it, my inbox is also open anytime you want to vent <3

It's almost 2 months now since you asked for advice regarding the 'friend' that stole from you. I rarely play lately, and I don't come to the forums even more infrequently. anyway...

I'm sorry this happened to you. :( I felt betrayed by my partner and this DID change my feelings in general. I think this is normal to happen. Unfortunately, trust, once broken, is very difficult to restore. (as a side note, ever since I can remember I had trust issues with everyone, but this is for my therapist to fix, if I let him LOL)

I understand wanting some sort of closure from this person and situation. It's also difficult to get closure in some situations. most likely, this one event in your life might be one of them, and you'd have to accept that "not even she knew why she did it," though I (personally) find it hard to believe. i see her quitting and you telling her to forget all about your wedding as forms of closure.

What I wonder is how did she gain access to your card. I mean, at work, it's unlikely for you or anyone to just leave a credit/debit card just about anywhere. If she stole from you, she might have stolen from other co-workers as well. It's very good you called the police on her: she has to see that stealing is wrong and can't go on forever.