Hello. Some context- I have no contact with my mother, haven't spoken in close to 5 years. Father and I have limited contact. I live with my aunt and uncle. I am 13, will be 14 in around 3 months and live in the state of Washington. To start things off, I'm not in physical danger, however aspects of my life (social life, gender identity, and general self expression) are either heavily limited or condemned completely. These things have caused a lot of tension between my aunt and I, sparking arguments and hateful comments towards me. I've spoken with both my friends, who are my age, and adults or older teens/young adults who agree that the situation is at least toxic. There's been instances of slut shaming, homophobia, my aunt spreading lies, and the like. She refuses to call me by my chosen name as it "causes her pain" to see me reject the name my mother chose. She has accused me 3 times of sleeping with or trying to do so with close friends. Most recently, she screamed at me over cuddling with a friend (nothing intimate) and then turned around and told my uncle and our two roommates that she had walked into us having sex. After this, I was banned from doing after school clubs (my main way of getting out of the house, seeing friends, etc. When I came out as genderqueer, she got in my face and we had about a week long fight over it. There was an instance where I didn't smile in a picture, we had an argument about that and her disrespecting me (I distinctly remember being told I didn't deserve anything if I was going to disrespect her like that. over a picture). I argued back, to which she slapped me twice and then started yelling hysterically when I pushed at her so she'd get away from me. There's been no physical "attacks" since, but it still irks me. She has broken two of my bedroom doors before from slamming them and once came in and ripped things off my wall for being affiliated with the LGBTQ community. Any time I try to make a point or point out one of her mistakes/flaws, it ends in an argument. I feel trapped and it's been a major stressor for me. Another note- We are financially stable and doing very well, this is not an issue. What I'd like to know is if this is enough of a reason for requesting legal emancipation.

I'll include a TLDR You are aware you also need to prove how you'd support yourself if you do go with emancipation? Do you have no other family to live with anywhere? Your parents and/or legal guardian(s) will also have to sign off the understanding of this action. Once you can (if possible) emancipate from your family you can do things like have full time work and set up your own health care but finding a place to live could prove hard. Those are some things I urge you to think about solutions for.

As for the rest. No body should be laying hands on you during a verbal argument, so I don't disagree with you trying to push her from your space after she acted that way. I also am sorry to hear she acts this way about anything lgbt+ because its not kind or fair. If she has issues with it she can still be polite in explaining her reasoning about it, there's no need to argue or rip peoples belongings apart over it. I also agree this doesn't sound the most supportive of places, at least she doesn't seem to be, not sure about your uncle and the roomies. For her to be the adult and acting this way is just very very unbecoming behavior.
I myself am a 35 yo auntie and have a wonderful 14 yo niece and I try to imagine your situation as her and it makes me so sad. I'll tell you what I told her when she told me she is (I-think- I've got the terms right) pan ace. I told her to always ALWAYS be truthful to herself first and foremost, because at your age group many things life can and will change for you. After you know what you want/ may explore IF you're dating anyone (this is true for any age) tell them if things change! Don't leave them or yourself in the wind. Your life is yours to figure out and the worst you can do is lie to yourself about what you want (or don't) from life.

TLDR I'm sorry your living situation isn't the best. I urge you to research EVERYTHING about being emancipated. Also sorry your aunt can't adult enough to sort it out and makes a tough space for you instead. I'm a 35 yo auntie and also live in WA so can help you find state based resources if you need.

Hi! Okay, so I was writing the initial post in a rush and yes, I know I need a stable income and whatnot. I'm legally unable to work as of right now, but I've been looking at businesses in my area as well a transportation (my aunt has already said she'd refuse to take me to work). I do have a partner, who is a year and a half older than me and has offered, if we're still together by then (I heavily stressed that point to him, as I saw no point in getting either of our hopes up!), to let me stay with him. I made this post mainly for replies like this, where people can point out details I also need to consider, as I'd like to be prepared. I do not have any other family who would be able to take me in, as there's a long history of abuse in my family. I'm hoping that when I get to the point where I can go through with this, there will be a mutual understanding between my aunt and I. As for roomies and my uncle- I'd say that she is borderline emotionally manipulative towards him, even though they've been together for 9 years. Roommates just don't do anything.

Ok so once you break from your legal care, aka family, you'll be trying to write the next part. No matter if this happens soon or you are otherwise imposed to wait til you're 18 I highly highly urge you to research how to apply for health care, food stamps (I hope you won't need them but if you do...) look for community outreach programs. Check for local places that may offer job finding and resume building. Learning the best ways to traverse around town are also a must. Make sure you either have copies of your birth certificate and send card or know the ways to obtain copies. Get a state ID asap even if you're still with your aunts house. When I was 18 I had none of those 3 keys things and had to figure it out the EXTREMELY hard way. Get yourself prepared for leaving by saving what funds you can. If you can I suggest a bank account in your name alone asap. Though I think being a minor and under current situation you might have to have one of the adults be part of it... if so maybe find some regular looking type thing to store cash in. What else would have been helpful for leaving the home to know is you CAN find more help than what DSHS provides. I had no idea PP could offer any help until someone kind in the waiting room of DSHS told me about them. I do know emancipation isn't an easy road so if you can get some of this knowledge going and show you have some sense to start on your next part that might be the push needed to show your determination about it. I'm sure I have more practical advice somewhere but brain is mush.

Alright, thanks! this helps a lot! I've written all of this down and will ask my therapist for assistance, too when I see her on monday. I have a college fund, however it is in my uncle's name so I'm not sure what to do about that. My father send money every so often, and I get a portion of it so I'll start saving a small portion of what I get.

I will tell you supporting yourself is no easy task, but the daily fight to keep above what happened before you become in charge of you 100% is worth it. I grew up in a very not ideal home life, of which I won't go into but abuse of all types were part of it. So even years after you may have life sobering thoughts/realization. You have more chance to prepare than I did so I hope it gives you a good go of things. People always wonder how I got my advice and most of it was the hard way. So if I can save someone any form of headache or taking longer than it should for stuff to be done because I was able to give my two cents in how it was for me I'll do it. Like the birth certificate, ID and ssn stuff.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.

There's no denying you live in a toxic household. :( As someone who is childless, close to 40yo [so i have been a teen many moons back], and part of the queer community [not officially and not actively either], i want to give you some pieces of advice. Take them or leave them, it's up to you. First, off, your aunt's behaviour regarding your person won't change over-night. and it won't change if you point out her mistakes TO her face. I don't know why, i just know this is not going to work.

Second off, she might accept your new identity [new for her, as far as she's concerned], in time. or she might never will. However, if you want higher chances for her to accept you, give her time, and take things slowly. For instance, adopt new clothing style gradually: 1 item at a time, first casually [like once in a blue moon; then once per month, once every 2 weeks, etc], then add another item [so that you wear 2 items in the same style at the same time], but in the same manner as you did with the first one. Doing so, it will giver her eyes and brain time to adjust.

Third, try to avoid confrontations with her, if she really seems resistant to slow changes as well. Try to agree with her [if you can], though if you can't, well... you can't. nobody tells you to be a saint. I'd also try and see when she's in a better mood and ask her in private why does she act in this way towards you. Try to explain to her that she makes you feel as if she doesn't like you, and even hate you. Ask if there' anything you can do to change her attitude/mind/feelings.

I have no legal advice for you, sorry. I do hope you find the help you seek and i wish you all the best.

An update - Shit hit the fan around mid May, when my room was gone through by a room mate (technically my cousin's girlfriend, but room mate all the same). She took multiple things including medication, personal items, and an empty vodka bottle (this hadn't been in my room, but she said she found it in there. She also opened a condom, filled it with elmer's glue and accused me of sneaking my boyfriend in to hookup. She did so to "get back" at me for something she thought I said about her. My aunt and uncle confronted me, my uncle talking to me and requesting an explanation about what was found. I gave completely honest explanations, yet was still accused of lying. All the while, my aunt completely TRASHED my room (my bed was positioned by the far wall in my room, ended up in the middle of the room with the foot of the mattress almost blocking the door). AT this point, I was crying and my aunt started yelling and I started yelling back. We got into an argument. My uncle, in an attempt to calm me, pulled me out onto the porch to talk. That ended in me screaming about how their actions and lack of accountability caused a lot of resentment and suicidal ideation. At one point, I told my uncle some stuff my aunt had said to me (he was unaware of these comments) and she overheard. She rushed out and called me a lying POS. I made an offhand comment about how she treated me like I was a jealous side piece (in reference to her being strangely protective of her husband and subsequently oversexualizing my relationship/closeness with him) and she took this and accused me of accusing him of sexually abusing him. She then said she was going to call the police on me. I go inside and she follows and starts screaming in my face. I shoved her out of the way and she yells "She's hitting me! She's hitting me!". She then calls the cops, they come and I explain the situation as best as I could and request to be taken out of the house by whatever means possible. I'm taken to the hospital where I'm put under SI watch (I told them I was actively suicidal, which was true). I talk to a social worker, who informs me that my aunt had officially kicked me out. Later, I'm set up to talk to a psychiatrist who evaluated me and got me a position at a local mental hospital. By this point, the social workers and nurses at the ER had all listened to my story and assured me that I wasn't in the wrong. Once I'm at the mental hospital, I was put in the low risk ward and was set up to talk to a therapist about treatment for suicidal ideation and self harm. I also talked to a social worker about emergency and long-term housing, as I was officially homeless. We eventually secured something, however we could not get consent from my aunt since she was still my legal guardian. Ultimately, I was given back to her. I received an apology from my uncle and he is now supporting my identity and mental health wholeheartedly. However, my aunt has not apologized and has put blame on me still, as well as put even more restrictions on self expression. She is not consistently using my name either. She did, however agree to the possibility of letting me join a group home or a long term/residential treatment program for mental health because she admitted that my mental health is too much for her. So basically very little changed, but whatever I guess

Sorry to hear what's going on. Family can be horrible. I can't really give any better advice than others have posted already, but you should really check out The Trevor Project. They have a lot of resources there that might help in your situation.

Honestly there's very little I can do. I looked into and tried everything that I could, but it's basically impossible because of the circumstance. It's been hella stressful though, as well as downright traumattizing

Hey, sorry for the late reply and everything that happened in the other post. How's it going lately?

I read you got a therapist to talk to, at least for a few times, which is not that bad. I just hope you can continue to talk to them, and get treatment or the help that you need more. I'm glad your uncle apologized, at the time, though it sounded half-assed, but better than not at all.

I understand how infuriating and tiresome it can be for your aunt not to accept or respect your decisions regarding your identity. Personally, i don't think this is a war worth fighting: you need a roof over your head where you can feel relatively safe. Trying not to push her buttons is the best way to keep this relative security. Sadly, yes, this means letting her to use your birth-given name and gender. - Trust me when i tell you i know it's hard and it feels disconnecting from yourself; i am doing it too. my body is that of a feminine female, i'm not trying to hide it, but i do feel weird talking about myself to (or being called by) strangers as "lady, ma'am, miss, she, her." I prefer my chosen (or a gender-neutral) name being used, or "you" or to be referred to as "that person/individual."

Once you're old enough and you can earn your own money, you can leave the household, never look back, and be whoever you want to be.
I also want you to know that all my advice comes from a place where i want you to be safe. Your safety should be your no.1 priority at the moment, even if you have to compromise in a unwanted way with your aunt/legal guardian.