ok id love 2 talk to friends about this but i have none in okc now so im venting to u guys

so I have been in a cycle of very disordered eating for WELL over the last decade and while I am probably at the healthiest place with myself and with food that I have ever been (yay) but im VERY irritated w/ this part of the recovery process -- or what i assume to be this part of the recovery process anyway bc otherwise i have a whole other issue on my hands

i haven't had regular periods since I was like 16 or so. I've been on the pill roughly the same amount of time but have always been taking the type that has the intentional placebo week so that you should have regular periods

when i was at the peak of my ED, around 19, it went away entirely. Even tho in the last couple years I've gotten myself back up to a "healthy" weight (big air quotes there) I was still eating WAY too little bc I thought in my head that if I ate a normal human amount of calories I'd gain a ton of weight and spiral out of control again so although I "looked" healthier and was eating "more" normally i was still putting my metabolism through the ringer and still didnt have a period

well thankfully id gotten into strength training about a year ago and that did wonders for my mental and physical health, esp because it made me realize that I could eat to fuel my body appropriately and it would be fine. so since maybe march or so I've been eating like, real human who is active amounts of calories and pretty nutritious stuff and all, which is great, and for the last two months I've had the closest thing to a real period i've had in literally a decade which is great bc im like, yay, im getting back to almost normal after years of dealing with this bs (im 27 now)

BUT i straight up feel like im going through puberty a second time and im going nuts.

Like, for two weeks i feel great, fine, myself, confident, stable, sunshine & rainbows etc

then for the other two weeks, I get into this very erratic mental state of highs and lows and sad and angry and 0 motivation or sex drive and super irritable and miserable. and It's frustrating because I feel like I can't trust my own feelings or emotions during this time because I know its hormone related. but like idk what to do other than wait it out and hope my body rebalances itself or readjusts or something or idk. Should I try a different bc pill maybe? I have no idea

anyway thanks for letting me vent i have to go back to work now lol

aw internet mom. well im rly proud of u 4 getting ur health on track but ya the whole being wild sucks D: i think trying a diff pill mite b worth it, or at least talking 2 ur doctor abt what it could b. human bodies r unfortunately stupid sometimes

Aw thx marcel I might if it continues too much longer. I also feel like it’s not fair to my partner (who has been very supportive and understanding which is Gr8) but I’m like only the person he signed up for 50% of the time and the other I’m completely unpredictable

ugh hormones suck, I feel you on the erratic moods

sending support and good vibes!

Send u lotsa love 💕

Thx friends I appreciate you so! It’s helpful just to vent sometimes u feel

i'm so sorry you've been going through all of this :( i'm glad things are getting back on track for you again tho! recovery is so grueling but worth it once you're finally spat out the other end. i'm so proud of you!!

i've never taken the pill before but i have lost my period in the past due to an ED too and it's never been the same for me when it came back (altho i didn't want it to come back bc of dysphoria but that's another story).

i totally get you about feeling like you're going through puberty again and the extreme highs & lows, feeling miserable/angry & like you can't trust your own emotions during this time for those two weeks. i also found that i broke out soooo much and would get crazy hot flashes when my body was gearing up to having periods again. anyway what you're describing with the 2 weeks of hell and then 2 weeks of things being good/normal perfectly describes what my cycles were like for over a year after my period returned and it's only just now starting to get better and less intense. i say this bc i wonder if it's more of an ED thing than a pill thing causing this? obvs i can't say for sure and this is only anecdotal, but it just seems strikingly similar to my own experience, minus birth control. idk exactly how it all works when our bodies physically recover from an ED but maybe it takes a long time for them to readjust to having a cycle again and that's why we feel crazy for two weeks every month for a while?

i know this post probably wasn't terribly helpful but i also just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this experience. i hope things can keep getting better for you and that this passes for you with ease. you've got this!!

Thanks im actually really glad to know other ppl have experienced this. ive been trying to google to see if this is normal behavior and everything that comes up is about menopause which is obv not what im looking for.

I didn't even think about the breaking out but that has been an issue too. I haven't had acne in years and even when I did as a teenager it was never bad. Now I get like, new zits once a month at least and its very irritating.

im just hoping this readjustment period is shorter rather than longer and i'll feel more normal asap.

Hi I hope u have a better day today

I'd definitely suggest talking to your doc about a different pill or method of bc! i personally can't tolerate hormonal bc for a plethora of reasons including mood issues and hormonal acne, but each type is a little different, and different things work for different people!

oh that is so sweet thank u. im feeling much more stable today

what do you use christina? IUDs freak me out u feel

omg so am i! until i saw your post, i thought it was just me. and i had the same issue when trying to google it too - just menopause, menopause, menopause 😭

ugh yes, dat acne ;~; i had it so bad in early recovery when my hormones were re-balancing and it majorly sucked!! luckily the breakouts have calmed down for me now aside from the occasional (bearable) one that's monthly, but nothing like it was before. hopefully it will be the same for you! 🤞🏻 i totally get you with how frustrating it is to deal with tho, especially when you haven't had spots in forever.

just keep going! the only way to get it over with (or at least for me) is to hold on & push through it. i did so much dumb stuff to try and deal with the symptoms on my own but all it did was prolong the process. i never realised there was an end point to the monthly crazy-feeling until recently when i was like, 'hey, my cycles and pms haven't been as hellish lately, huh.' anyway yeah, light at the end of the tunnel and all that!

I've never been on birth control bc the side effects scare me, but it sounds like some kind of bc/hormonal regulation could be worth it? if you have a doc you trust somewhere maybe you could find out if it's temporary, from your body adjusting, and consider the pros and cons. 2 weeks is a long time to feel crappy, I hope you find something that works to make you feel more like yourself!

(I was on medication that made my periods infrequent for a few years, and then went off that when I started testosterone, so I'm like. waiting with a pitchfork to see if my menstrual cycle tries any shit. I am enjoying my menopause ty)

I'm so happy to hear you're doing well in recovery, btw. it's really hard to work through that, especially when it's been a struggle for years and years, so I hope you're feeling good and also proud of yourself <3

thats very kind of you thank you! im am really proud to be at the point that i am today. its been a struggle and id pretty much resigned myself to dealing with it forever -- which i think everybody does deal with it forever -- but basically thinking id never be healthy or never be able to eat like a regular human without gaining insane amounts of weight.

thankful gen z was on board with this whole thick thighs and big bootys and love ur body movement bc my generation did not have that in my formidable years. that has made it much easier to recover when ur in an environment that really celebrates healthier bodies u feel

but ya idk. i remember when i first went on the pill i felt crazy for a few months but I was also 16 so... hopefully this is just a readjusting period. I've only been off of it very briefly in college, but otherwise I've been on a similar pill consistently for like 11 years

i feel you on the iud!!! i had one and it was awful!

i use a combination of non-hormonal methods, which is kind of a lot of work, but has helped my body to feel the most normal it has my entire adult life and works well for me and my bf. Hopefully i dont break any site rules here, so ill keep it kinda vague, but I track my fertility symptoms with the fertility awareness method (FAM) and use barrier methods.

highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler regarding FAM, and also highly recommend Period Repair Manual by Lara Briden!

Im sorry ur goin thru it rn

I hav a loved one that struggles w ED and he recently got outta treatment 4 it. I did a family session w 1 of his therapists while he was at treatment and she said that eating disorders are illigitemate ways to meet legitimate needs.

As far as ur cycle goes, if ur not already defo trac it alongside ur moods. If u notice extreme spikes in mood just b4 ur cycle, u might b looking at pre menstral dysphoria disorder. i struggle w that an the only thing that rlly helped was a progesterone birth control

(well, and testerone, which im on noe but thats probs not a route u wanna go lol) recently ive started havin regular mood swings round when i would usually get pms which is Not Fun but,,, what can u do /shrug.emoji