Unbelievable stress...
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my lowest grade this semester was a 79... and I need one more point to still be able to keep the scholarship I need to attend college. the worst thing I'm scared of tho is my mom...
I'm not entirely convinced my mom loves me. every time I get bad grades (im normally a great student) she gets mad, so I started lying to her about having good grades. it feels like every time i'm in public with her she ends up criticizing me for being autistic and not understanding social cues. She also does nothing about my constant memory issues that are most likely due to undiagnosed ADHD, which are why I get bad grades in the first place
I just... I want to be independent. i dont want my mom to think im a failure. Ive never been this stressed before. i'm praying that the teacher for that class hasn't yet dropped my lowest scores in a few categories because that's the only thing that'll save me. I just wanna be free...
I am so sorry you're feeling so stressed right now. A 79 being your lowest grade sounds good to me though, but I know that would probably seem low to your mom, if she's anything like my mom was when I was in school. If I got a B- or lower she was 'disappointed' which is worse that if she'd yelled imo. I'm autistic too, although I'm not officially diagnosed, but it's pretty obvious if you look at the signs. So I kind of understand you from that point of view, even thought it's different for everyone. Same with the ADHD. Is there anyone at your school you can talk to? A counselor or teacher should be able to give you some good resources for dealing with those issues, with or without your mom's approval. You could probably ask them not to discuss it with her. I assume you're a junior or senior in high school? So it'll only be a year or two before college, before you can move out and not have to deal with your mom anymore. Have you tried sitting down and talking with your mom? Explaining to her how she's making you feel? It's really not fair of her to make you feel that way - parents are supposed to help, not hurt. If talking to her isn't an option, write her a letter. I used to do that with my parents, because I felt like they weren't listening, and then I'd hide around the corner to wait until they found and read it, so I could gauge their reactions. How about extra credit work, in the class you need more points in? Maybe an essay or something? You could always ask the teacher about that. I know things seem bad now, but soon enough you'll be a bonified adult and you will be free to live your life as you see fit. Hang in there okay? hugs
The thing is that i need at least an 80 in all my classes to maintain the scholarship that lets me attend this school. like, my grandma spent thousands of dollars to let me go to this college because it has one of the best autism programs in the country. I've been getting final grades for things over the past few days, though, so hopefully I'll scrape by?
I brought up with my school therapist that I probably have ADHD and she told me to change my medicine dosage to take 100mg in the morning instead of 50mg twice a day. which is fine, except I do most of my schoolwork in the evening when it probably wears off. I would have brought this up to her last week, except I forgot we had a meeting (go figure) and she hasnt responded to my email about how I didn't mean to ditch her
I'm sure it will be okay. When you talk to your therapist again, tell her about doing your schoolwork in the evenings and how you're worried that dosage will make that hard. Maybe she can figure something else out. Can you call her? Maybe have a video chat? Might be easier than an in-person meeting, and quicker. Have you talked to your grandma about your worries? If she's spent that much on you, she obviously loves and cares for you. If you remind her of how hard you're working and how you're worried about your grades, it'll show her you care about the investment she's made and you're not just throwing it away. I'll keep sending good thoughts your way! <3