...and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it. I lost my job back in March, when the you-know-what hit the fan. My parents (who I live with) and I had a talk and ultimately decided that we're not going to do the whole gift-giving, Christmas morning thing this year. I needed new tires for my car, which they bought for me. They also bought me new hiking boots, a proper pair which I've never had, and my mom has bought me a few things here and there that I've mentioned wanting, including the biggest of all, a new printer, which I am in love with. They also bought a treadmill as our 'family/house gift' this year, which I'm super happy for because I'm trying to lose weight. I also caved and bought myself a present - my new betta fish, Sharpie, who is fucking adorable lol. I'm thankful for everything my parents are doing for me, don't get me wrong. We're also still doing our newer Christmas tradition of each of the three of us having their favorite meal for Christmas dinner and fresh baked cinnamon rolls for breakfast Christmas morning. It's just...this year has been total balls. I was thinking about it, and the last 'worst year' I can think of where things really changed and went to pot in my lifetime was 9/11. I feel like a whiny bitch for even mentioning the fact I'm kind of upset about the lack of, well, most everything normal to do with Christmas this year, when there are people out there suffering, losing loved ones, and in a much worse off situation then I'm in. Just because one person's pain is bad though, doesn't diminish the fact that each of our own pain is bad to us in its own way I guess. I'm just feeling down about it right now - my depression has been firing off like nobody's damn business lately, especially with seasonal affective kicking in on sunless days like today. Ugh. The one thing that would really make this better, is the hardest thing to get - a new job. I've been applying for everything, only had one interview (which didn't work out), and nothing has been forthcoming yet. Monday, I think I'm going to have to try and tell my social anxiety to fuck off and become a Door Dasher. I don't know what else to do. I feel bad about sponging off my parents, but what choice do I have? It's this or the streets. First paycheck with a new job, after the bills are paid, I'm buying my parents presents whether they like it or not. I kind of just hate my life right now, but I can't even work up the energy for hate because depression. Fuck. This turned into much more of a rant than intended.

So what's different in your holiday season this year? Rant with me, yeah?

My mother passed away last year on Christmas Eve so eff with the Holidays for a good while imo. The pandemic has changed nothing for me and my brother. We are planning a small 'extra' meal but that's it. I had lunch with my neighbour and we exchanged gift. I'm seeing my aunt on Saturday for dinner. That's it. At least I have 3 weeks off of work haha.

My offer to spruce up your resume is still standing. Take care

I come from a family, Taiwanese by origin, that other than decorating never really celebrated Christmas at all when I was younger. My parents never got us gifts, and when I was a kid it was usually my brother and I who would buy each other gifts. Obviously, I would also buy gifts for friends too. That said, my older brother has always kind of resented Christmas because it's also his birthday and his birthday was always one-upped when he was a kid by the fact that he was born on Christmas, not that my parents really gave us birthday presents most years in general either.

Yes, I gave other people gifts because honestly, I just liked giving friends things, and yes, we had family friends that'd give us gifts, but our parents never really bought us gifts, except in a oh, this is on sale because, holiday sales, here. They never actively went out in November/December explicitly to buy gifts.

This is also the first December in the last two years that I haven't had someone I knew die. 2018 was both a great and bad year, good, got my 2nd masters from NYU, bad, a really close friend of mine from high school was killed on impact from a car crash by a drunk driver at the beginning of December. 2019, also in December, my last remaining grandfather died( mothers's side) as well.

The guy who hit my friend's car was convicted to 12 years in prison for secondary manslaughter in November of this year, after two years of back and forth where mutual friends, acquaintances, and her family, had been pushing, and pushing in the courts for him to be convicted. Her last remaining immediate relative, her mother, ( her dad had passed away from cancer in 2014) also died 4 days after her murderer was convicted. So, yeah, don't drink and drive, obviously, but doubly more so because when I was in high school and had to go to those MADD assemblies, I didn't honestly think I'd be affected myself, and I don't want someone else to have to go through the grief I was going through for a lot of 2019.

I'd like to say this year has changed, but considering my family never really did much for the holiday season, even when I was a kid, it hasn't really changed. We put up lights and a tree and some minimal decorations , but that's kind of all my parents have done for most of my life in general.

I'm sorry this year has been so rough, and I don't know what else I can add other than, this year has sucked for everyone. The fact we're all here and still trekking on is still a blessing in and of itself. Best of luck in the new year, .

I totally forgot about that offer. I've been so down-in-the-dumps lately. I actually have to totally redo my resume because my mom's computer died anyway, so as soon as I type up a new one, I'll send it to you. I'm just working with what Indeed has right now.

That's horrible about your friend. I'm so sorry and I totally hear you on drunk driving. There was just a crash near where I live, early this morning, where a drunk driver killed himself and two others. People are so stupid and selfish. Best of luck to you in the new year as well.

Yeah, they are. I'm relieved that he was finally convicted. It won't bring her back, but at least consequences were given for his negligent actions. So many people are idiots and assholes. Also, to whomever was in that crash you mentioned, that's so horrible, for both sides.