UPDATE: Thank you to everyone that replied to this, and your advice.

Just an update my partner is no longer my partner, we broke up on Easter. We are civil and still friends, and honestly, it is probably for the best.

Question about moving out of state with my partner.

Except it just isn't with my partner, it is also with his current roommate.

We will be helping said roommate put a down payment on their mortgage.

My partner and I have enough money together to buy our own home. ( this is what I believe) My partner doesn't think we do.

Yet for some reason Idaho is the better place to live than where we are currently.

Partner says once we are moved in and settled (comfortable in jobs) then we can save (while paying rent? ) and look for our own house.

I don't see how this can work? I don't currently pay rent in my current living situation.

Am I being greedy or does this sound like a bad idea?

I've known my partner for 3 years and I am not entirely comfortable with their roommate.

I think you and your partner should sit down at your bank and talk to a financial advisor about buying a house. They would at least be able to give you guys a ball park on whether you have enough, don't have enough or what else you will need to start the process - you don't have to DO anything, just listen and gather information. Have some questions to ask them. Then you two will know if you'll actually be able to swing it - or how far out your goal is.

I also think it is a HUGE red flag that you are not comfortable with their roommate. You are giving them money for part of their down payment - I hope you guys have a contract talking about the amount, how much rent will be and in what cases they will need to repay the money (like if you move and they kick you out within a month). I also, just wouldn't want to move to a whole new state with someone I am not completely comfortable with.

You would also be trading rent-free (and thus able to save more) for a rental place? ....You want to buy a house with your partner, but that will also depend on if you think your job there is going to be good enough to allow you to pay rent (do you even know how much the roommate is expecting from you guys per month?) and to still save? I don't think this sounds greedy. I would be loathe to leave a place where I didn't pay rent for a place that isn't mine where I will be paying an unknown amount, with the person who owns the place being one I am not entirely comfortable with.

Only you can make this decision, but I would definitely nail down a few more details - like, rent, how much are you guys helping with the down payment, how much you and your partner think you'll be able to make when you move to this new area and again, if you're in a position to buy a house. If you are, you could always pitch you two getting a house there and the roommate renting from you guys for a bit of a discount while saving up the rest of their down payment? At least then you two would own the home and if you felt too uncomfortable with this person you can boot them, but you'd have to make it clear to your partner how you feel. You could also sit down with the roommate and try talking to them to see if you can clear the air and get on the same page? Again, it just depends on how comfortable you are with them and the relationship between you and your partner and your partner and their roommate. I don't know the situation well enough to really give you great advice except - do your due diligence before you commit and move. This is a huge leap and you sound kind of unsure about it all. Good luck!

thank you so much for your response, it was very helpful and I will be taking this advice and using it while making my decision.

I don't think you're greedy at all. I think you're thinking about your own comfort and security. And since you're not very fond of the roommate, you're not being comfortable.

I'm not saying this from a point of "maybe he won't give the money back". All i'm saying is that, there are situations when we are OK with helping others financially, even if we don't get that money back, and other times, we're not feeling comfortable to help even if we're sure we'll get it back. I hope this makes sense.

To me it makes ZERO sense to help the friend to buy a house when you could buy your own house instead. In the same state or in a different state. Not to mention, that if you do help that person to get their own place, they should let you stay there rent free (a form of paying you back). This would be the sensible thing to do in my head.

However, it seems Nike did make some good points, and you should talk to a bank as well to see if you really have money for a house or not, or what kind of house you can afford.

I'm not sure how is Idaho a better place than your current one. Keep in mind that a lower cost of living also means a lower income (on average). You can use salary.com to find out about how much you'll be earning in your new location on the same position. And depending on your actual occupation, if you need a license/certification, you might have to get re-certified or licensed again. In some cases, you could need to go through the whole training process all over again and having to pay all the fees. (i know all of this from one of my current projects.)

thank you so much for your response.

I've been still thinking this over. I am making a list of the pro's and con's of this decision.

Also thank you for opening my eyes to the re-certification because I totally didn't think of that either!

I am a certified pharmacy technician. I am not 100% sure what Idaho's state laws are either, and what is required of my position when moving.

I really appreciate your advice, and I will be using this while further making my decision.

So far it's no, mostly because I do live with my grandmother (rent free) while helping her, (she isn't in the best health) My partner and his roommate want to move because Idaho is closer to partner's roommate's parents and it's more lenient on my partners conviction. Thank you again.

Ouch! It seems the situation is very complicated. from where you're standing. A list of pros and cons is very good indeed.

If i were you, i'd stay with granny. Not because of the rent-free aspect (though it's a HUGE plus for me), but because of her health. Especially with the current virus situation. you're already working in a field where you come in contact with many sick people. Personally, i'd want to spend as much time with granny as possible, and learn rom her as much as possible - she'll be gone one day.. (sorry, I miss my granny, i can barely remember her voice T-T)
Also, it seems/sounds like to me that you have a stable job already. This move, right now, sounds like a very bad decision, because you (personally) trade something you already have for something you don't know if you can have or get in the new state.

For your partner and his roommate things can improve in ID, but they could get worse for you. And you could end up resenting the both of them. Try to shut your heart/emotions as much as possible when making this decision. And if your gut feeling tells you something - listen to that. Especially if it's a "no" (you'll know if it's a no: you get upset, angry, anxious, your hair might stand on its end, so on. A "yes" would feel warm and could make you smile).

I really understand this is very difficult for you. And this thread means you have big doubts about it and you know it's a bad move. at least for you.

Yeah, no, this sounds like a situation that's only going to benefit the bois and that's not kosher. It also leaves your grandmother high and dry which isn't fair either. You've got it good, living rent free right now (I don't even have that privilege and I live with my parents.) If it were me, it would be a hard no right off the bat but for you, I suggest following Nike's advice. If your partner doesn't want to do that then that paints them in an even worser light. Seems like they want to live in a selfish amount of comfort and bail their buddy out of a situation they created and using your money to do so. 😬

If you're not comfortable with the roommate or don't know him well, moving to another state and committing a LOT of money to him isn't a good idea. Full stop.

My dad always gave me the advice that when you have the ability to, manage stressors in life. So for example, if you have a few financial commitments--like getting a car, moving, taking out a loan, etc.--figure out what NEEDS to be done first. If your current living situation is tolerable but you need a vehicle, choose the vehicle first and put up with the living situation.

Right now, you live rent-free. That's the biggest boon to saving money, considering how high rent is in so many places. Even if we assume you'd have a low rent--say $500--that's still $500 each month that is going straight into another person's pocket and not your own. That adds up incredibly quickly.

Adding in that you're a pharmacy tech and the laws of Idaho might have different requirements is also a massive problem. What if Idaho has more restrictive laws than your current state? What if you need to get additional training or certification because of transferring issues? You might not be able to work in your profession while in Idaho because of that, which could be financially disastrous.

Sorry if I'm coming across as so blunt--I'm just a little surprised by the situation as you've described it. It's setting off all my alarms and little red flags tbh.

No I appreciate bluntness.

That is the whole point of asking.

I decided to let him know I am not comfortable with the idea right now.

He asked what else would I want to do if not move there and get a house, and I told him I am not sure right now.

I will probably stop complaining to him in the future because it stresses him out and he is trying to help me with this plan to "get rid of the stresses i express" otherwise I will continue to live in my current state for the time being.

This is a huge commitment and we haven't even exchanged rings/vows if we even will. But nonetheless I have voiced my opinion and how I feel about it and he has for the most part respected that.

He just wants to know what the plan is now that Idaho is a no, and I honestly can't tell him yet.

I have been working 7 days on two days off then 7 days on since Christmas and ever since he mentioned this and acted like it was set in stone I've had panic attacks about it.

I don't have a plan really except for I do want a house eventually of my own.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to wait until work calms down and you have enough time to properly think things through without all the stress / high emotions / etc.

Also, if I may add, I think the wisest plan of action would be to move in together close to a safety net for one of you. Like he moves to your current city and you settle down there, you keep your job while he finds work or vice versa. You never ever want to be in a position where you're relying just on savings to get by. :x

There is some good advice here. I hope you don't mind my two cents.

It can be hard living with someone else let alone multiple people. Moving in with someone for the first time AND moving to a state where you don't have the support structure of family/friends is a big ask. I would personally be very apprehensive to do so without all parties involved at least first securing a job and having a sit-down conversation with each other about expectations and monthly bills. Above all trust your instincts, if you aren't comfortable with the roommate before you decide to live with them, that is a big sign that you should abstain.

Not to say you shouldn't have adventures in your life. You've just got to have a solid backup plan B, C, and D because you never know what life in going to throw at you.

If you and your boyfriend haven't lived together yet maybe try moving in together where you are now first, and see how it goes. Buying a house together is a big decision and you should have multiple conversations about your individual goals and finances before you jump head first into that. I do hope you get everything sorted out and are able to cultivate happiness in your life!

Just an update my partner is no longer my partner, we broke up on Easter. We are civil and still friends, and honestly, it is probably for the best.

You can close this topic.

Thank you Subeta mods.