Some nights, while laying down on my bed, out of nowhere I would suddenly feel anxious and suffocated. I would think where will my consciousness go when I die? Where does everyone go when they die? How would I feel after dying? What is the point of living if everyone’s gonna die anyway? I try distracting myself with reading fanfics, mangas, maybe watching a documentary in youtube. It passes but it comes back in another night. The fear of dying makes me cry and unable to breathe.

I am not suicidal, if anything, I am very very cautious of everything because I am so afraid of dying. I don’t have anyone to talk to. All my friends and family see me as a very strong and stable person. I never cry in front of anyone.

I was in a middle of another attack when I decided to post here, and somehow it passed a little.

I wonder if I’m the only one like this? I wasn’t always like this, it started in my mid-20s. I don’t know why this is happening. Everyone else seems fine.

I have those feelings sometimes. A lot of it has to do, for me at least, with my panic and anxiety disorders with a heaping dose of depression on top. I'm on meds for it, which helps a little, and over the years I've learned to make my mind knock it off when I start noticing a downward spiral. I just force myself to think about something else. Things definitely got better after talking to my doctor about it though, and starting on meds. I've been on them since middle school and I'm well into my adult years now. It probably sounds cliche, but talking to your doctor will really help. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. ❤ I'm hoping I'll get better and that I don't have to take meds for it. I might see a doctor when I get a chance. I'm learning to recognize the signs of my spiral. I just hang on to faith sometimes and think this attack too shall pass. I just hate feeling the start of it, knowing what's coming next.

I've experienced this quite a few times and I don't really know why it happens either. I remember feeling anxious about the concept of death as a young child, and confiding in my family who would try to comfort me and calm me down. However, when I was about 11 or 12, I began to suffer from panic attacks (believed to be initially caused by certain types of stress I was dealing with at that time) and from then on my random panics about dying would lead to dizziness, cold sweat and blacking out.

It's one of those things that, to be honest, is a completely natural thing to worry about, but at the same time I know it is pointless to stress about it when it's nothing we can really do anything about (except, of course, live life to the fullest while we are here and live safe, healthy lives the best we can too). Unfortunately, knowing there's no point in worrying about something doesn't automatically make us immune to worrying about it! Believe me, worrying is a great talent of mine. XD

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone. <3 I guess talking about these things does help to relieve the stress (a problem shared is a problem halved, I'm always being told). I have a terrible habit of holding in my anxieties and I know that is an unhealthy thing to do. So thanks for sharing your worries on here and allowing us to open up to you too. :)

I also like Lisa's advice - talking it out with anyone can help, but talking to a doctor (who may be able to help devise coping strategies) could be great.

I hope you are feeling better since you first posted this. <3

That was always the worst for me too, the start of it and knowing what I'm going to have to go through. Another think that helps me that I didn't think to mention before, is walking. In the nicer weather I walked outside, 2-5 miles every day pretty much. Now that the weather's crappy, I have a treadmill that I try to do 20-30 minutes on every night. On days I don't walk, I definitely don't feel as good - more anxious and depressed. A workout high is a pretty awesome thing!

If anyone says they've never contemplated, let alone worried, about their inevitable mortality, they're lying. Everyone HAS to grapple with it at some point, because like a poet once said, "Y'all, we are ALL gonna die." So don't feel strange for having these thoughts. ESPECIALLY in the middle of the night, when you're already super tired and now just laying in the dark, left to ponder. It's normal and honestly natural to think about these things, but not to the point you're distressed.

I've been in a weird place lately where it's been on my mind a lot too. This year and the toll of COVID likely has way more contemplating it, either because they lost someone or know someone who's lost someone. For me, it's just coming with fresh eyes at what exactly I think will happen afterwards, and whether or not I'll regret anything when the time comes. I was raised to believe wholeheartedly in an afterlife and now, in my 30s, I'm for the first time examining the idea of death without that certainty.

I'm still chasing my own answers, but for yours, finding comfort should be a priority. Not distraction, although that can be helpful too when you're overwhelmed. If you're frightened at the prospect of what comes after, what would a good outcome entail? Do you think it could happen? Do you believe in certain spiritual aspects already, or do you view things in a pragmatic way? Because comfort can be found even in scientific, concrete information. Facts that link us to this beautiful, natural world around us. Science that reassures us that even if we are forgotten, we will persist in the soil and carbon and take on new forms. Or even just validation of the beauty we can find and how we should enjoy our time alive here.

A long, unlikely, mysterious chain of events spanning thousands of years led to the creation of you. There'll never be another human or living thing exactly like you. You were born unique, special and with meaning. Your time here will matter so long as you live it happily.

I hope you can find some peace, and thanks for letting me ramble at you, laffo

I deal with this sometimes, too. I wonder what the place I am going to will be like and what I will do. I wonder if I will go to a good place or a bad place. I wonder what will be left behind in my wake. I wonder if my life has been lived well. I am trying to make my life as good as it can be so that when the inevitable happens, I will at least know that I did the best I could do.

I am doing pretty well, all things considered. I don't honestly think I am going to die anytime soon. I am almost 40, but that's still pretty young. I am in decent health. I might have diabetes, but it's very treatable.

i think fear of death is normal. Because we can't know how it feels or what happens. We only now what happens to the body or why people die. We can only imagine how is it doing to feel like. And just because we know we all have to go through it at some point, somehow, is not consoling. Only a few people can make peace with the thought. For some of us, the fear is stronger than for others. The fear can intensify considering that we don't and can't know when or how is it going to happen.

I sometimes dreamt (actual dreams at night) about me dying... but i was still breathing (duh!) and i remember thinking in the dream 'if i died, how come i can still breathe?' and then i would realize i'm dreaming and wake up 😂 I put here this laughing smilie, but it was annoying when it happened.

I used to have thoughts that kept me up at night. in 2017 or 2018, when the thoughts were raging in my head, i started praying on a whim - i thought i have nothing to lose anyways if i pray. I asked for forgiveness and for the thoughts to stop.. and Lo' and Behold! They stopped! I remember i cried myself to sleep that night, but i haven't had any such thought since then. or if they tried to come back, i was able to chase them away easily. Maybe this is something you can try, maybe it helps. I have no idea.

I have this but in other ways. I think you are dealing with "intrusive thoughts". I have varieties of them but they are crippling (from relationship OCD, somatic OCD) I never would classify myself as having OCD, but it seems the pandemic has really heightened my mental health issues; along with some of my friends.

You are not alone!

Edit: I am not saying you have OCD. I was just clarifying that intrusive thoughts do happen and they are very horrible and can cause panic/anxiety attacks.

Thank you for all your responses. I tried some of your advices like walking in the afternoon and praying at night and it works for me. I still cry sometimes but I can sleep well after that. It’s not as suffocating as before. I really appreciate all the time you guys took to share your stories and advices.