Okay subeta, so I’m in a bind. A clusterfuck, actually.

Six weeks ago, my (paternal) grandfather died. Four days later, my (maternal) grandmother died. But that’s just the start.

Pop (grandpa) left his two sons with three pieces of property. One house that my uncle’s living in, which based on zillow and trulia estimates is worth about 600k. (I live in a hot housing market city). A beach house rental property worth between 300-400k (A house across the street from it, newer and in better shape literally sold last month for 299k), and a build ready lot of land next to it worth between 50-100k - these are all estimates.

The beach house and property are paid off. Pop thought he had insurance that would pay off the rest of the residential house if/when he died. It expired ten years ago. There’s 140k owed on it. My uncle has spent the past few years living with my grandad, and towards the end, taking care of him full time. He’s somewhat disabled by what we think is a genetic problem with spines. He says he can’t sit or stand for long periods of time.

Que, my dad. Dad’s 10 years older, the executer, 100% disabled due to medical malpractice about 25 years ago, recently underwent his sixth (i think) spine surgery, and walks on two canes. Because he just turned 65, his private disability has now run out, literally this month. The 3.5k we were getting tax free is now non existent. During the time he became disabled, he lost all his retirement trying to keep my family afloat and keep the house that we live in. He feels he owes his brother for taking care of Pop over the past few years.

The beach house was supposed to be bequeathed to him. The residential house was supposed to be for my uncle. But as it’s looking right now, it’s worth a LOT more than the tiny beach house. So what’s the deal with the beach house?

My grandad bought the property in the mid 90s with his wife, brother in law, and his wife. Within five years, all but my grandad were dead. There’s a LOT of sentimental value there, even if the property is not worth that much comparatively. I have literally spent two weeks of my life every year at this house since I was a young child. It holds a lot of memories of my grandmother for everyone involved, and she died 23 years ago. Despite all of this, Pop put thousands of dollars into it, rebuilding the whole thing, fixing it up, and renting it out. It just barely started making money last year. (If we take it off the rental market, due to small town politics, we have to wait YEARS to get the license to do it again.) My dad’s considering this his retirement because that income, though taxed, is near what his private disability was per month and is essentially guaranteed income. This was paying the mortgage for our house that we live in right now.

My uncle wants my dad to take out a loan to pay off the rest of the residential house. My mother absolutely refuses. In the will it says each son gets 50% of the estate. My mother wants everything to be equal. Que, mom. Mom also has a brother who lived off her parents, and cared for them … more or less full time for the past few years. This uncle, who is NOT disabled at all, has been being supported by her family because they feel sorry for him for marrying a piece of shit which he refuses to leave. But my mom has some really fucked up psychology in her family, and as far as she and everyone else is concerned, they’re perfect and have no issues.

So, my mom refers all of her anger at her brother over to my dad’s brother, and absolutely does not trust him at all. Thinks he’s a liar, and desperate. She threatens the marriage to dad if he takes out the loan to help his brother because she feels he’s choosing him over her, and is convinced that if he takes out said loan he’ll die, and she’ll be forced to pay it off. Dad doesn’t care that he's getting the proverbial short end of the stick, he just wants to keep the beach house which he sees as his retirement. He (and I) see it as essentially buying an income property for 140k which will completely pay itself off in 10 years.

Dad’s brother refuses to move right now, and thinks it will kill him. He thinks if he doesn’t get the house he’s living in right now (which he doesn’t even want to stay in indefinitely, just for 2-3 years, no one should get what they want from the inheritance. He’s now taking the scorched earth approach, and says we should sell everything. How do I fit into all of this clusterfuck then? Well, I’m 28, mild/moderately disabled from complications from a back injury and surgery in 2014. I’m not disabled enough to be “disabled” but sure as hell not able bodied enough to be… well, able bodied. I can’t stand or sit for more than an hour and have a lifetime lifting limit of 35 lbs. Needless to say, most jobs I can’t do. Certainly most entry level jobs are out of the question for me. Legally, I’m my dad’s full time caretaker, which is how I get my health insurance. I literally have nothing, and will be relying on inheritance (which is several tons of lapidary material and some rare imported woods) to get myself going in life, as lapidary is something I can do, and enjoy. I’ve got plans and means to redecorate the entire place to make it more valuable/rent higher, then use it in a portfolio so I can hopefully be hired to do more things like that in the future. Even if everything else goes bottom up, the beach house making 2-3k a month is something I can live on.

Side note, my sister also plays into this. She has a job and house, but automatically agrees with everything my mother says and thinks my dad is being used and that going into debt for an income property is crazy. Personally, I think it’s crazy not to.

So wtf is the right thing to do in this situation?

Dude... What a cluster fuck indeed! I'm honestly on the side of you and your dad. This loan will ensure family stays taken care of and if you ever opt to sell anything theres still other things around to make use of. Depending on the lot and how it can be set up its possible to eventually set up another house or living situation. Plus I think if your dad talks to a loan person about the reason for it and to have your uncle sign onto the papers it should ease your mom and sisters minds of your uncle taking advantage. Deaths in a family can make people act/think oddly. I know because my sister and I are dealing with a fucked situation when our mom died without a will. Its not pretty but at least your family had something planned out. I also urge taking this as a chance to make sure your family has their papers in line if anything happens to them. Idk what state you live in but having wills almost always takes away issues.

Can't y'all sell the "build ready" land for the 50-100k, use that to keep paying the mortgage on the 600K house for 1-2 years (Slightly shorter than uncle wanted to stay, but still, no loans) until the uncle is ready to move, then sell that house, deduct your fathers beach house net worth, and just divvy up the money at that time? You could draw up a contract any everything for it.

...it seems like the least complicated way to give everyone what they want.

That's certainly what you'd think? idek. I mean that's what I'd do, but I'm not executor. We even have a probably buyer for that- the guys that have a house right behind it. It'd be just a huge yard for them and keep the ocean view they have. Right now we're waiting on the appraisal for the beach house, which we think will come back a LOT lower than what the city house is, but somehow my uncle still thinks the beach house is a 1-2m dollar property which it's just not. It's less fired up than it was, thankfully, and my mom's calmed down quite a bit. My uncle has also come to the realization that he just.. can't stay there indefinitely, and is looking at selling sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, my dad's just.. playing it safe and not stoking any fires right now, waiting.

First, happy turkey day! Secondly, i'm so glad to hear that! I hope it keeps calming down and everyone manages to work something out that makes everyone equally happy!