TLDR; working full time, husband out of work since may, losing my patience, feeling unhappy in life, living by the day

March came around and the virus hit. My husband was about to graduate with his B.S. in Mechanical Engineering Technology. We've been together 12 years (high school sweet-hearts). After a long, long time of him getting his act together and finally finishing his bachelors degree, we were hit with the virus and the job market completely crashed, especially for entry-level engineers.

It's been a rocky summer. It was really, really trying and frustrating, but I just kept hanging on for the following:

1. His promise that he would make up for me always having to be the bread winner
2. His promise to get us out of our crappy apartment and into either a bigger apartment or a house
3. His promise to take the weight of holding our entire house-hold together financially off of me for good

My dad has had to step up multiple times to help. All he see's is a 29 year old who has been un-employed since he graduated and is (definitely) setting his standards too high.

I finally blew up on him last week. 100% full force "get your life together or I'm walking out the door effectively ending our marriage" style. I KNOW it is not 100% his fault, but I discovered there were avenues he should be have been taking to find a job. I made it extremely clear he needs to step up his game and at least keep the house clean and job search extensively daily.

Now comes the depression. I have been non-stop working since the virus hit. I work in vet med, so I don't make a lot of money despite what people think. I feel as if I am watching my life happen from afar and it's just the same mundane "hurry up and wait to maybe probably not hear some good news" kind of day. What's awful is I love my job.

I come home and have 0 time to myself and i am daily just a ticking time-bomb.

I. Just. Need. This. Virus. To. End.

Anyone else dealing with anything similar?

End Rant~

it's been almost a week since you wrote this. Im sorry to hear about your situation :( Do you feel any better now?

Fiance and i are sick and tired of the F**** virus. Fortunately we were not affected by the measures much: we work from home. just being forced to stay indoors was the bad part, since we were already staying in enough. We need to go out at times to unwind. but enough about us.

It sounds like it would be quite a challenge for your husband to get a job with such a specific degree if there aren't companies in town hiring such engineers. But what do i know? If he stays at home, indeed, the least he could do is to do the house chores - cleaning, cooking, laundry. It's not a shame to do these chores, it's a shame NOT to do them when you're the one with the time. Your father should understand that when he was in his late 20s, times were a bit different. perhaps people found a job easier. they surely weren't forced to stay home due to a virus, and perhaps living off a single income was easier then too.

It's good you at least love what you do. that's important. -but i didn't know the income was low. Hang in there: you're strong! the way to get over this mess is by keeping one's head low, not making waves of any kind - i especially refer to personal conflicts here. You can ping me next time if you still want to vent and make sure someone will read. Also, i already gave you a piece of advice you never asked for, so how should i reply so i wouldn't be offensive and so you'll know someone read?

None of what you said was offensive. I essentially put my current life out for review.

That being said, it was really nice that you took the time to read and write a thoughtful reply to my post. I am actually feeling a lot better. My husband and I really got into a huge fight, but with everything out on the table the message was much clearer that he needed to get his butt in gear. He has a second interview at a good company on Wednesday (first interview was over the phone with a recruiter). I am very, very happy for him and excited for our future.

I totally hear you on the needing to get out of the house to unwind a bit. We are already pretty introverted, but with the virus we weren't able to get out and "window shop" as I like to. You know, just to move about? We were in serious need of some kind of normalcy.

It was a HUGE shame on him for not doing more chores around the house. I think the message was pretty well received though. At least the laundry gets done and the carpets get vacuumed (I have several fluffy animals).

I cannot express enough how much you just taking the time to talk to me means to me. You don't even know me and took considerable time out of your day to cheer me up.

Thank you!

You're literally me haha. I'm 29 and also in Vet Med (tech). My husband and I have been together since 8th grade, he went to college and graduated in 2013, with perfect grades btw, a Mechanical Engineering degree from a good university. And did nothing with it. He sent out tons of applications and resumes and had a few interviews but nothing. He's a super introvert with no connections. He ended up sitting home unemployed while I worked part time at a grocery store which sucked. We had to live with my parents for 6 months after getting married. He never got an engineering job. I ended up working at an SPCA and applied for him for any job I could find, he ended up working at Target for a while. He went back to college which his mom paid for and she paid for an apartment for us, he ended up dropping out within a year but got a good job as a mechanic for the state transportation service. He makes decent money now, not as much as what he would be making as an engineer but he's happy. I know a couple engineers and they're miserable, the job is super competitive and controls their life. I've been working at my dream hospital for a couple months now, not making much but there's room for growth there. We bought a house a few years ago. My husband doesn't help out around the house either. It would drive me insane when he was unemployed. He gets super depressed when the house is a mess but never wants to lift a finger to do anything about it.

How are things as far as work where you are? We are still doing curbside for the foreseeable future and I hate it. It's nice not having the clients in the building but everyone is so grumpy all the time.

Good luck, hope he gets the job. It sucks but he may have to settle for something else for the time being, especially with covid ruining everything.

I'm dying over here. This is too funny. I laugh, because we really are the same person!

It is unfortunate that your husband did not pursue a career with engineering, but if he is truly happy, we should be happy for him. I can see why it would be very competitive! My husband is also very introverted, but he does have a few connections. What it really comes down to with engineering it seems, is internships! He had 0 internships and walked out of college (also with near perfect grades) and expected the best right off.

With. No. Internships.

He also used to work for Target (LOL) but that was a few years back. He did walmart up until his last semester, that was a nightmare.

I'm happy to hear you found your "unicorn hospital" as we call it. What is the thing that makes it a dream job for you? Is it general practice? Specialty? Exotics? I think I want to go into exotics at some point!

We are doing curbside by request, but we have been allowing owners into the building and just taking their pets back to our treatment area instead of allowing them in the rooms with us. Honestly, I like it. I don't have to be so up-close-and-personal with some owners. Masks are required. Some clients get snooty about not being allowed in with their pets. "They have separation anxiety!!!" they say as I take them back and it's the owner freaking out not the pet.

It got to the point when the virus first started that we were all SO overworked and understaffed. It was basically raining pure insanity and the general consensus was "well, this might as well happen" to nearly everything that happened.

Thankfully, by some force of the universe, he has an in-person interview for a starter position on Wednesday. I'm so excited, but I don't want to get too excited.

Thank you for the thoughtful response. It's nice to meet another Tech! It means so much to me to have people to vent too!

I wish your husband the best with the interview. I remember how difficult it was for me to even land an interview, let alone a job. and then the employer sucked :( And yes, some occupations require an internship or at least some apprenticeship something.. or connections..

Liking your job is very important. Maybe thanks to his diploma,he will qualify for better positions in the future. But as long as he is happy with his current job and pay, that's what matters.