Hi guys...So... I live with my bf, I also go to work, I'm a caregiver, so I am lucky to be able to get out for 4 hours daily. Buuut... his parents are living with us, this corona business caught us together, thing I really find awesome actually, less worry about them, more family together, more fun...I think. So let's say all good and dandy. However. As I said, i have to go to work. I come home, I do the cooking, the cleaning, the washing, the dishes, the smiling, the night games so everyone has a good time, the, the, the. And I love it, really. But after all I do, my bf puts a grain of pepper on a salad and it's "oh, wow, you're fantastic, look how well you cooked, look what you did, you poor thing, OMG, you're awesome, bravo!" What I'm asking is...am I really that selfish and pathetic to WANT and NEED s freakin' "bravo"for myself? It takes a second, I don't need a whole blah, just one tiny bravo. One tiny well done. Is it really selfish? I do it anyway and love it, but a tiny bit of validation...you know? Am I entitle to receive that?

if you're doing all the house work when 4 people live there, you definitely deserve a "good job" or sometime of appreciation. if you're the one who works, why are you the one doing everything else? what's your boyfriend and his parents doing?

Well...he feeds our 3 dogs, his dad feeds our 8 cats, but only in the morning when I have to go to work, evenings is my turn...His mom made a soup once :D But her favorite soap is on, so...I might sound pathetic, but I want my bravo, dang it! :D Thanks much for answering and understanding :)

hm, it still seems like you have more on your plate but that's my outlook on it. i'm sorry you're going through all this. maybe have a conversation with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel? how close is your relationship to the parents before they moved in?

Sometimes just being honest with the three people you are living with is hard, but building up resentment is no fun. Ask them to do something while you are at work. Washing a load of laundry, having dinner prepared when you get home. I just text my hubby, can you wash the kitchen floor (because I really hate that chore). If I don't feel like cooking, I will ask him if we can get takeout. He even knows how to do the laundry. And then if the task is done and not to your liking, you can either do it yourself, or just accept that this is the way he cleans the kitchen floor. I usually tell my hubby, thank you for doing that chore. I praise him for his effort. It's cleaner if it didn't get done and if I had to do it, it would piss me off. LOL. Yes, you are doing too much, even though you love doing it. Tell them how you want to be treated and pray for the best. You are worth it!! Bravo!

I'm afraid to speak, to say something, 'cos they seem to like me, what if they resent me for saying how I feel? I really love them, wouldn't want to hurt their feelings and...I sound so selfish and shallow... I know you are right, you make some excellent points there...Something to think about maybe...Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share and for your advice ❤

Quite close actually, hence my hesitation in saying/asking for something...afraid of ruining the atmosphere...thanks for caring ❤

Texting can be a godsend and with a smilie face I’m sure they would not mind. Some people just need a nudge and actually love to be needed. Especially if you are sincere and give a little praise. You are a blessing to them. Let them show that they are grateful to you by doing something for you.

Seriously?! They deserve no praise for their less than minimal amounts of help. Your boyfriend lives there. HE can help clean the common areas and care for YOUR pets you have together. The parents can clean up the areas they use and give help in other ways right now. Unless they have means to help provide bill.money right now?

That said maybe bringing it up in a "Hey with everyone loving here why don't we ALL agree on a daily chore chart and meal plan for the week?" And then rotate who does what one each day. Say you cook one day amd your BF does a couple main chores that day. The next his dad cooks and his mom does chores ECT ECT in whatever combo works out so EVERYONE there is doing something.

When I'm jobless (granted this time I have a job waiting once this calms down) I take time to apply to work and clean. Since I don't have to look for a job it leaves cleaning. Its also stupidly simple to.keep a home clean AND enjoy movies/games. Play for an hour or until the movie is done, then do a thing. Load the dishwasher or dust or start laundry. Another movie or gaming go do the next part of what was started or another small task.

I get to work on packing to move and so some of my work is gonna be tracking down boxes to use.

Thank you both so much, that is really good advice, it is hard for me to ask for help, I admit it, but I think I'll manage this time. And about being praised...I could actually talk to my BF, he probably takes it for granted and doesn't even think of it :D Thanks again guys, feeling a bit better ❤

i hope you’re managing alright! def bring it up to your boyfriend again, i’m sure he’ll understand how hard you’ve been working and that a simple compliment could go a long way. my partner thanked me for folding the laundry today, which he hasn’t done in a while but i didn’t mind. it made me so happy and so seen X3 it’s ok to ask and to need validation <3

:D That was a cute tiny story, thanks :) Frankly I feel as if I asked, it doesn't worth as much as a really felt one...It should just come from at least one of them naturally, but kinda got tired of waiting :D I'm trying reverse psychology, telling them "good job!" or "well done" and lots of thanks, see how this works :D

i totally see your point. i hope your reverse psychology works! it sounds like a genius idea honestly. shower then in complements and hopefully they’ll learn to do the same. good luck! i believe in you!!!

Thank you so much ❤

it's so easy to take someone for granted. You're NOT selfish to want some praise, especially when you're putting so much effort into things. I agree with everyone: try to ask for little things to be done. Like, ok, you don;t want to ruin the atmosphere with his parents, so ask him to help out with the dishes, or with laundry - to put in or out, But since you're all adults, you should really be able to talk like adults about these things. I don't think it's ok for 1 person to do EVERY thing, especially when that person also goes to work.

Maybe now, since i don't know the situation, i may looking too far into things. but perhaps his parents praise him when he does a little insignificant thing, to encourage him to do more around the house. good luck!

Thank you for your input and the new way to look at things, never thought of that, might be so... I actually just plain told him, in private, of course and he's like "but you always do everything and never asked for praise, what does this even mean?!" so totally clueless :D Maybe now...in sort of a "DUH" moment :D

oh, boy, oh boy. :( Just because you don't ask for something, it doesn't mean you don't want or need it. You did right to tell him all that (in private) - both of you need to know where you're standing. I guess, from now on, after you cook, when everyone is eating, you can ask directly, "so, how's the food?" and pray they won't say they hate it. And if they say they don't like it, you have the chance to say "then, maybe it's about time i get some help around here.." - well, you know, you use the kind of speech you normally do, without sounding rude (or trying your best not to sound rude). i'm saying this not only because your bf doesn't say thanks/give praise, but it sounded as if his parents didn't either.

Good idea! Actually today his mom cooked, got lot's of "great job" and "thankyous" from me, she was very pleased :D Waiting for my turn :D

Read that spoiler, you're gonna be a fantastic parent ❤

yay! you got some help in the kitchen! I hope she got the hint with the thank you's and the praises. if she didn't, at least the cooking was helpful towards you. i would consider it as a sign of appreciation for your efforts so far (even if it isn't. but i wouldn't know for sure why she did it. For me why she did it wouldn't really matter, i'd care more that she did it for once. i hope you can understand what i'm trying to say, because i know i'm not doing a great job at explaining right now.)

aww, you're too kind <3

Thanks! You explain very good and you're funny, thanks for the advice and the lols :D

no need to thank me ;) i sometimes try to explain things in writing, they make sense to me, but when others read, they react like "WTF did i just read?!" The last time, i was rather tired, and i was pretty sure it was one of those times. i'm glad it wasn't, and that you also got some LOLs out of it, haha :D