let me explain 2019 was full of bills, my dog got ran over cause my neighbor called her across the road with a car coming, I had surgery, my well house wen't out couldn't afford to fix it. lots of bad things happened. It's now 2020 im still getting bills in the mail, Still can't afford to fix well house so been showering elsewhere and buying bottled water and filling up empty milk jugs(so I have water to do dishes and brush teeth,etc..) using buckets to bring water up from creek on my propriety to flush bathroom. My oven wen't out need new thermal sensor? can't remember what it's called. Been using a electric skillet and a microwave to cook with.

So I feel kinda blah.. holidays come and go..to me there just another day. I guess this is cause it's basically just me. I was trying a hobby called reborns but I don't feel anything from it lately. Maybe ive lost interest? Ive never felt emotionally attached to the hobby..to me they where models you could dress up and take photos of. I was always afraid of what people would think or say to me if they found out I had a reborn..Some people think there for people who have problems. others laugh at you call you things.. truthfully everyone's reason for owning one is DIFFERENT. One thing is for sure they are ART. mine are all hand painted. the hair is hand rooted.

I want to try a different hobby called bjd which is ball jointed dolls.They have wigs you can remove on and off,you can change there eyes, and there clothes. they come in a variety of sizes and brands. I would have to save up and go on a layaway plan to get my 1st bjd.

Im just trying to figure things out.. why is everything so blah? would the bjd even make a difference?

I did get another dog(a pup less than 7 months old). I still have my cat. I got 2 free bags of dog food and the vet gave me a multiple pet discount on the vet bill for shots and things. (since I took more than 1 animal in one visit). the free dog food was thanks to a stores reward system and some coupons. Pup has a play pen and leash and I have dog chain. also my neighbor has already been warned legally he can be held responsible if he gets someone on the road killed or hurt (since he is the one calling the dogs over with traffic coming). My neighbor is not a nice person that's all I am going to say on that subject.

now I get told I have to have tests ran cause my labs are showing my liver has something wrong..(im not even 39 years old ive already had my gallbladder took out due to gallstones) NO I don't smoke or drink

(1/20/20) My 16 year old dog passed away this morning.

(1/28/20) well got some of my test results.. I have liver disease. (im not over weight,I don't drink,I don't smoke,) which explains SOME of my blah feeling.. IT's fatigue according to the doctor that found it. lack of energy just kinda run down feeling. They also found cysts in my kidney's so.. got to have more tests.

2019 was suuuchhhh a bad year for me too i keep hoping this year will be better but its so hard to shake the depression off, i feel it

i LOVE bjds they're so expensive but i want one SO bad... i love dolls, i collect weird clown dolls and have a doll house I've been adding to for years too. if dolls are something you're passionate about and make you happy, go for it! I really want to learn how to do doll repaints/modifications but I'm so afraid of messing them up,, I have one little clown who doesn't have a face (I'm guessing the paint deteriorated over the years, it was faceless when I got it) and I really want to help him :' )

the bjd ive been looking at is 194.00 before tax and things. that's with a face up (her make up). she comes with one pair of eyes and no wig.

with a wig 222.00

I've been in a similar situation in the past, where I was in such horrible debt I could barely scrape by to pay my bills and afford food and basic necessities. The urge to find something to raise my spirits, to keep my mind off my situation even for a while, was part of my problem. I would spend any extra money I could on video games, electronics, and crafting supplies. While it would help somewhat, when I got my next "past due" notice in the mail or struggled to find the last few dollars to fill my car for the week, all that feeling better would disappear.

As someone who hasn't been in your exact shoes, but similar, my advice would be to hold off on buying something you may or may not even enjoy until after you are able to buy something you NEED. Just reading through what you said, you have no oven. I bought my oven for $350, brand new, just a "scratched" floor model. If you are able to save roughly $200 for a BJD, maybe you could save more for the oven? Or to fix your well, or any number of things that would be a daily use item.

I absolutely can't blame you for wanting to find something to bring more joy into your life. Doing the "adult and responsible" thing (as my mother told me for years) sucks. It doesn't feel fair to have to give up something that brings you happiness because everything is so stupidly expensive, but the older i've gotten the more I do realize it's for the best. I was able to do this enough to pay off 2 credit cards and give myself the ability to actually put back money for hobbies each month.

the bills are errors.. even the worker that works there said the main office (which is out of state) is the one messing it up. they are not billing my insurance. They even tried to bill for a test my insurance didn't approve and I wasn't aware of my insurance didn't cover. luckily I got that bill kicked out cause it was there mistake for not checking to see if my insurance covered it. also for not having me sign a paper stating I would cover it if my insurance didn't. I even got money back once (a dental office) cause they charged me when they had my insurance on file and my insurance covered what I had done.

My well estimated price I got was 2 thousand dollars. (it's a submerged pump would have to be pulled up to be checked) the oven is a mess cause its not as simple as replacing a part. Its built into the wall. It's gas and does not have a shut off valve. I have no one to even help put the part on ( IF that's all that it needs). Got told to just light the pilot on it so won't smell gas fumes.

found out thanks to my insurance summary I paid 5 thousand last year out of pocket costs to my pharmacy. So ya my money pretty much all goes for household bills. Pharmacy,grocery,dental,ect.. NO tv,No netflix,no hulu, non of that. Never been any play-stations,Xbox,gaming consoles.

I got the reborns through watching videos,doing surveys,taking polls all that earned me points. cashed points out for a virtual visa (can only be used online) bought reborns.