I've been friends with this girl since middle school, we were both 11 or 12 when we met. We're both well into adulthood now. The thing is, if I break up with her, that's it. That's the end of all of my friends. I will literally have no friends anymore. I'll only have the people I talk to at work and my parents. No one to hang out with on off days or go kayaking with or anything. That's it. The girl is kind of the head of our group and most of the group are her and her boyfriend's friends from their work. But if I'm no longer friends with her, then I can't be friends with the rest of them because it would just be awkward as fuck if we were at group things and she was there. She would be standoffish and mean in that situation, I know it.

It kind of all started on the downward slope, so to speak, when we all got full time jobs and Sunday became the only day we all had off. So we decided we'd all go out to eat and hang out and plan parties and such on Sundays. Fine. It went on that way for quite a few years and slowly, I stopped going every Sunday because that is also the only day I have to see my aunt and uncle, the only day I have to do certain other things away from work, and some days I'm just so exhausted from the work week that I just don't want to see people on Sunday. They also (my friend and her boyfriend) have Wednesdays off now and I do too, but she has designated that day for her and her bf exclusively. Whatever, she has that right. I usually volunteer with the local humane society on Wednesdays anyways. I enjoy being on my own or with my parents more than I enjoy sitting at my friends' apartment, watching movies or whatever. I'm not a really social person. But I still go a couple times a month because I do enjoy hanging out with them. I was just with them last Sunday and the two Sundays before that after missing a few Sundays in a row for various reasons. My friend was pissed off at me over missing those days, and said she felt my valid reasons weren't valid, that I was making things up to not hang out with them, etc. No amount of me telling her that that was not true seemed to get through to her.

So now I've missed yesterday's hang out and she's texted me saying in so many words that it shouldn't bother me to part ways and they're tired of "shit happening consistently" and I'm making her and her bf very unhappy and she "can't keep doing this", etc. Yesterday, I honestly lost track of time helping my parents in the yard - we were digging a new garden and I got very into it and before I knew it, it was 8:00 at night, I hadn't had dinner, and I didn't get over to their place at all. I texted and told her what happened, but again she didn't believe me. After four or five Sundays of hanging out consistently, all of a sudden I'm a horrible person for missing one goddamn day.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep trying to not miss Sundays, but sometimes shit happens and I don't get over there. It's just life. I'm a busy person. I have a full time job, I do a lot of volunteer work, I help my parents who are older...she says I'm not making her a priority, but I just have so much shit on my plate, that even though I try, sometimes it doesn't work out. That's adult life and I think she just doesn't want to accept that. I don't know how to make her understand that I don't want to lose her as a friend, but if she keeps up this attitude of not believing me when it's an honest fuck up on my part, I don't know what to do.

Oh no, that's a terrible situation :( Meeting your friends shouldn't mean pressure and guilt!!

I'd personally die if I was pushed to meet up every weekend. Like you said, it's that needed island of resting after a week full of work, appointments and interacting with people.

And it's not like weekend meetups depend in you being there. It looks like there is a group of people. It's not possible that everyone can always make it Your friend should appreciate it when you do make time for her, right?. You are all adults and have responsibilities. I think it's wrong and sad that she pressures you :(

You deserve to have boundaries and she should respect them. You should not have to come up with reasons for why you can't go. You just not feeling like going is enough. Of course in order to keep up a friendship, sometimes you need to make time for your friends but you are doing that already!!!

I think you can't really do much more than try to talk to her and make her see that this is actually important to you and that this issue hurts you. Maybe it hasn't occurred to her. If nothing works, you should always put your own wellbeing first though.

Have you spoken to one of the other friends about this before? Maybe they can help with sorting this out together. Maybe if this problem is handled in your group, you'll find a good solution. Leaving them all just because of that one girls behaviour would be so sad if you still enjoy spending time with the others.

Of course I don't know the people or can really give trustworthy advice, being a complete stranger. You'll know what's best in this situation. I just hope you will find your way and that whatever you decide to do, you won't be pushed around by the ones you call your friends forever.

Take care! :)

Hey

I totally agree with appropriate and respected boundaries are important to any relationship/friendship. I agree, that meeting up to have a face to face conversation might be really important. You can express that you enjoy and value your friendship with her and when you aren't able to attend it isn't a reflection of your feelings towards her and it isn't a personal attack.

Thanks guys. I'm really not good at face-to-face confrontations so I just sent her a very long email. I hope she responds.

[edit] She responded. But all she did was parrot the same things she's been saying that I already responded to in the email. She just will not see any point of view beyond her own. That response was actually last week. I'm just now editing this. I keep wanting to write her again, try to reconcile with her, but part of me doesn't want to bother. I don't know if I should or not.