I'm not sure this would belong here because I don't think there would be much advice to hand out apart from "cheer up and find a new purpose in life" but I felt I need to write and I feel I need to write someplace that's both uninhabited by my inner circle of acquintances and more public than a private blog. Ramble-ramble that people are free to skip or reply or I don't care, it'll be long.

I feel like there's nothing waiting for me if the world is as bleak and unfair as people claim it to be. Whenever I dare open my mouth and tell that maybe it's not so bad I'm told that I'm just unfamiliar with how life works. As if anyone who thinks that most people are basically decent at heart or that our world is actually doing pretty good and getting better only believes that because they are sheltered and childish.

And I'm scared it's true, because I really am sheltered and childish. I'm 25 but I don't feel like an adult and I've never had any interest in politics or what goes on in the world. I fear that I've been living in a bubble without my knowledge and one day it'll break and I'll be completely unprepared for the "reality". That they are right and "the system" is unforgiving and nihilistic by design, that those who take advantage of others are the ones who succeed in life, that despite whatever I might've believed our world really is a piece of shit spiraling downwards captained by greed and selfishness.

I'm afraid that even though I can somewhat draw the best I'll be able to manage with my social issues is holding a retail job until my joints give way and chronic pain sets in. Being one of those faceless people out in the gas stations and stores, working minimum wage and telling the wide-eyed new-guy complaining how they don't have energy for their hobbies to just get used to it because such is "adult life". Because no-one needs me, no-one needs more shitty artists, the market is oversaturated already. And I've never wanted to be an artist, I only went to study art because I wanted to be better at it but the thought of selling my work has always felt filthy for me so career-wise I've wasted the last four years. I don't know what I want to do. I have no dreams left. I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I don't feel like I enjoy drawing anymore. I don't feel like I enjoy reading, or computer games. I have nothing I want, since November I've barely left my house for any reasons besides shopping and of course that's not fixed anything, only caused heartache for my mother who payd my rent because we both believed that "next day" I'll go to my art college and start working on assignments. And all I did was sit at home, eat junk and feel either numb or like shit. Each day, every day.

I've got nothing to do here. I'm not pretty, I'm not ambitious, I'm terrified of people, I don't like being touched and the only way I've been able to feel a genuine connection to someone since I was 14 was through roleplays. There's no happiness waiting for me when I try to envision the future. I have no dreams left. I have no goals. Only a sense of dread or numbness.

I'm a terribly boring person. All that connects me to whatever friends I have is a roleplay series that makes me simultaneously deeply obsessed and deeply depressed. Without it, I'd have no friends left. It's pretty much the only thing that can get me to draw anymore, because I want to illustrate my characters or because I want to gift art to the other players. I met up with them irl recently and gave them some prints of my works. High-quality prints, with the white edges cut off and everything. I realized that I wasn't doing it to make them happy but because I was afraid they'd leave me if I didn't give them anything back for the attention they've bestowed on me, because all I had in common with them was roleplays. I've got few hobbies by this point in time - films, books or anime barely interest me unless they can offer me a way to gain further insight into my character. And that troubles me too. That's not normal. I've tried getting into new stuff, but everything is meh. Browsing 9gag takes infinitely less energy than watching a new TV show... Paleontology and animation still elicit emotions sometimes but they also make me contemplate further whether I'm wrapping myself up in some happy little bubble with no death or politics or anything that would be "useful" in the "real world".

When I think of the future I see unfulfillment, dying loved ones (not that any of them are ill but they're all getting so old...), deepening loneliness and consuming self-hate. I can't see myself ever being happy or successful or feeling connected. Recently I've been getting the kind of thoughts that I've not had for over a decade and though I know I'd never go through with these thoughts they feel invasive and bothersome.

I just don't feel like there's anything out there that could ever make me feel fulfilled, that I'll be sad, numb and unable to enjoy myself until I die and once my loved ones start dropping off or people see through my disguise and realize how disgustingly one-dimensional and naive I am it'll only get worse.

People who hold this pessimistic/cynical view are and have been very hurt. This IS a common thing. I know it, because I myself have become, overtime, more cynical. I believe that, for me personally, this is a result of having been hurt, then holding the pain as I got older, developing strategies to prepare myself for more hurt, or to prevent feeling hurt again. It's purely defensive in nature.

But, deep down, I know that this view isn't complete, it doesn't capture the whole picture, that it is basically overgeneralizing. Also, realize that everything, depending on what you believe, can be perceived in a nihilistic way. It just means that everything is pointless, BUT, nihilism doesn't need to be a negative thing. It can be a way to make your own, subjective meaning to YOUR own personal life.

Also realize, that plenty of people who DON'T take advantage of others, do technically "succeed" in life. All success is, to many people, is owning a home, with a family they planned, in an area they wanted, and being able to do things they want. I know people who do this without being cruel, without stepping on people, by making smart career choices and working hard. It's all a matter of what satisfies you and makes you happy. There's no reason you have to be an asshole.

This just sounds like depression. Now, there are ways to help alleviate depression, medications to treat it, life choices that help, but I won't push it, because I've dealt with it and I can't say what always helps. Proper diet and exercise, positive thinking, etc. doesn't help everyone, but I'll leave this video here and hope it helps:

How to Deal with Depression

His soft-spokenness might seem cringe-worthy but if you listen to what he says, he helps you think and introspect.

I have been depressed. I have not done therapy, but I recommend it, as other people usually do. Since I have difficulty finding help, I just dig inside and try to resolve things by trying to be healthy, being less hard on myself, developing a sense of independence and self-reliance, which helps me build my self-esteem, which helps me be positive, which makes me want to help others, which makes me feel strong, and develop a sense of self-love and appreciation for my uniqueness, which used to make me feel freak-ish and unlovable.

Another enlightening video I found was about loneliness. How it changes the way one thinks. I found it helpful and insightful, and maybe you will too.

Social anxiety is another thing I also battle with, I feel better with certain people who don't gossip, often who are much older, like in their 60s, (I am 26). I also get along better with gay men, I think because females in general tend to be rivals and dislike or compete with each other somehow, and display insecurities, mistrust, or jealousy, and women are much more likely to be passive-aggressive and talk about personal things rather than more positive or enlightening subjects. I also have trouble with some straight men I find attractive, because I am afraid of rejection, or of being a threat to a woman they're already with.

These things are normal and there are ways around them. Exposure is key. Avoidance breeds anxiety. You have anxiety. This can be changed. Your perceptions can be changed. You can change. Your physical brain is not made of stone. You can change your habits, slowly, you can change your thoughts, slowly, you can do things you like, slowly, you can enjoy or change your introversion, and find people who like you for who you are, though it's not easy. Let me tell you, as a fellow introvert in an extrovert world...it's not easy to be liked, and that makes us misunderstood, that makes us alone, but that also makes us strong.

I used to do this do. I used to be a giver, especially during the time I was absolutely infatuated with a man. I felt worthless, like my personality wasn't good enough, like I was a burden, or boring and too quiet (I have ALWAYS been the "quiet" one). I often felt my character was too depressing at times, not able to play or talk about pop culture, so I was often the one to buy gifts, pay the bill at restaurants, etc. to make up for it, to get people to spend time with me.

BUT, whenever I could, I always did talk about subjects I liked, that were interesting to me, subjects that involved knowledge, love of biology, and the world in general. This made me look intelligent, and I was always good at observing people and why they were the way they were, and I know how to get deep. Other people don't value the things I value. But that's okay, because every now and then they do, and people I really liked best are able to do that with me all the time. They aren't afraid to introspect, they understand life, are well-traveled, or are misunderstood. And they too, find comfort in learning about the bigger picture of life itself through smaller subjects.

You sound like an intelligent, yet depressed and socially-anxious introvert, who is good at writing, capable of thorough introspection, which would also equal understanding psychology (therefore understanding other people), which makes you a valuable person in the world, because other people often aren't capable of, or don't want to understand others.

You are able to be a seer in a world of people who are and often choose to be blind in order to feel superior. Take pride in who you are, quietly, and continue to learn about your interests. Quietly use the strength of your inquisitiveness to learn psychology, and then use your deeper understanding of people to be a light in a world of darkness as someone who is different.

Yes your loved ones will die, as will mine, as will everyone elses', but we can still live, day-by-day, with contentment, in the moment, with our powerful short-term goals and our human drive. Remember to live for experiences. If you want to do something, do it, and do it even if you are alone.

I often think of my elderly 85 year old grandmother, who is strong and capable, though seemingly alone. Widowed, several times divorced, with all children fully grown, not often seen. But she lives, she moves on, she's resilient and strong.

Stay away from politics, you don't need them. Vote for whatever you believe in whenever the time comes, but don't dwell on something that likely doesn't directly affect your own personal life. Fuck the "real world." Your own personal world is just as real. Just focus on that. Fix yourself before you attempt to fix the world, it's not all your responsibility.

I hope what I've said helps...or is at least encouraging. Your views aren't terribly far from my own and changing my perspective this way has helped me personally. I used to feel like crap all the time but now have self-respect. I value change and look for it. I am no longer bothered by people who don't like me, as I like myself enough and stick to my own interests. I learn about stuff I like, do my own thing, and am happy with that. It makes me feel strong to stand on my own. I used to be absolutely mystified by people who think like I do now, but after dealing with different circumstances in life I just began to see things (and myself) differently. Hopefully you do, too.

Hello @ Cliodna :)

I'm currently trying to keep myself from having a depression-induced anxiety attack, and the best way for me to distract myself from my problems is to try to solve others', so I'm here to help you out.

I totally don't actually believe I'll solve your problems, but maybe I can at least encourage you. Because it definitely sounds like you can use some encouragement. :)

It sounds like you have unfortunately been surrounded by pessimistic people. Their worldview is only way of looking at the world. There are optimists, pessimists, and realists, and probably a whole bunch in between. I always describe myself as "a realist with an incorrigible optimist inside her," because I am aware of how the world is, and I don't expect much, but I do have a sliver of hope for the future. You do not need to have the same worldview as the people around you, whether they be friends, family, or enemies. You get to decide how you view the world.

I also wanted to make note of your age: 25. 25 is a wonderful age, but it is also an age of transition, and a lot, I mean a lot of people struggle at this age. I'm almost 33 now, but between the ages of 22 and about 29, I definitely felt like I was floundering. Life hadn't worked out the way I hoped, I hadn't planned well for the future, and I wasn't happy with where I was at. I kept trying to make things better and only seemed to be digging a big hole for myself, until all I wanted to do was pile the dirt back in over me and give up.

I don't want to say "it gets better," because that sounds so cliché and almost meaningless, but some things do. Maybe not everything. For example, I discovered in my mid-20s that I have the capacity to become super depressed sometimes, and as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I still struggle. I lost friends because of this, and that hurt is still deep within me, making me the person I am today. I gained weight, I got into debt, and these things do not just go away with a sudden moment of enlightenment. Oh, also, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with my life.

But there is something inside me that has a more balanced view. I held on through the turmoil, and I gained a few nuggets of wisdom here and there. I know how to better handle some things, and the things that I can't handle don't seem as terrible anymore. Most of all, I've learned what's important to me and what kind of person I want to be. I am by no means good at it yet, but whenever things get off kilter, I know how to refocus myself to get back on track. For instance, this depression. There was a time in my life when every depressive episode seemed like it would never end, and I got very close to doing something that I would regret permanently. But now I have the wisdom and experience to tell myself that it will end, as it always does, even if I have to white-knuckle my way through it sometimes.

I relate to what you said about not wanting to sell your art. I've often felt that way about my writing. I felt like commercializing it would make it terrible. Whether you live off it or not - if you love art, do it. Not doing it will only harm you. I stopped writing, because I let my perfectionism tell me I wasn't any good, and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy, because without practice, I've gotten kinda terrible at it. If you love doing art, do it. Don't listen to other people. Don't listen to that critic in your head. Do it because you love it, even if it never means anything to anyone else. It means something to you.

As far as not having enough time goes, there's some truth to that. But people also choose what to spend their time on. Some people waste time drinking, going out all the time, watching tv, playing games. If these things make them happy and they don't want to do anything else, so be it. Some have to dole their time out due to family obligations. This is also fine. But if you don't have family obligations and you don't want to be a social butterfly, you'll have plenty of time to do the things you do want to do. Sometimes you'll have to prioritize, because there's only so many hours in the day. But remember to keep focused on what you really want, and those occasional disruptions will only be that - occasional disruptions.

Some things to think about:

• There is nothing wrong with working at a gas station or store, if that is what you can do. Absolutely nothing wrong with it, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
• There is nothing wrong with wanting to do something else, either. Sometimes you gotta do research or "taste test" to see what you really like and what you're good at.
• No one cares if you're not pretty, though you're probably more attractive than you think. Most people seem to think they're uglier than they really are. But guess what? Not even models on magazines look like models on magazines.
• There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be around people. That's called introversion. Being afraid of people is different, though, and you might want to consider - are you afraid of people because you're just "peopled out" and can't get enough alone time? Or do you actually have a social anxiety?

Basically, it helps if you can accept yourself for who you are, figure out what parts you would like to change, and then focus your life toward those goals. But I know, that's way easier said than done.

Finally, I wanna echo in saying that it kinda sounds like you might be suffering from depression. Depression is a liar that manipulates reality and makes you think everything is terrible, and it's the worst because it only lives in your head, so no one else can see what you see. But other people also have liars in their heads, and they can relate. If you can get to a counselor or talk with your doctor, I'd highly recommend it. But if not, you might find some support groups on the internet. The internet is not always the best for advice, but it can give you a shoulder to lean on.

This is a picture of Sandra Bullock that encouraged me when I was going through similar things. I found it helpful to think, hey, even a famous actress struggled with this and found her way through.

Also, I really like this song and this Youtuber. The song is my go-to when I need to remind myself to calm down, and the Youtuber is a very relatable person who has also gone through depression and the struggle of figuring out what to do and other things as well. You may find her helpful.

And if nothing else, know that I believe in you. :)

did i just write all that? HAHA

look, you're not alone and yes, life is not all roses and butterflies at least not all the time. But you know what? WE are here to make it a better place. It's our duty to do so, not the duty of others. If others don't agree with it, that's on them, but we need to do our duty however we can. im 37. i tried going to college, but i never finished it -i regret that now. but in a way maybe it's better? i mean what could i have hone with a degree in history? be a teacher? i dislike kids,im not patient enough for them.

i tried working traditional jobs. worst mistake for me. I'm a freelance writer instead. been doing this for some 9 years {the other jobs were my attempts at being a "normal" adult (whatever that means)LOL}.

just because you studied art, and you don't feel like selling it, it doesn't mean you wasted 4 years of your life. you could teach children (if you have the patience), organize workshops, become an art critique. Or maybe you'll even change your mind in the future. I said maybe. With me, I started blogging in 2013? and at first i didn't care about making money off my blog. now? i changed my mind because I kind of got tired of writing for others. LMAO ;p

I know you said you can't see happiness in your own future... i still want to ask this, though: in an ideal world (according to your idea of ideal) what would it mean/take for you to be successful and happy?

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts, even if our answers may not really help you. ranting, to let out the built-up bad emotions, is good.

I'm sorry you're going through this :(

It's good that you're reaching out, it means that you don't like your view of the future currently and want to change it for the better.

Do you live in an area where there is not a lot of sunlight? e.g. the UK? Vitamin D is essential to feeling energized, you can get supplements in capsule form at the pharmacy without prescription. It's basically oil that you put in a spoon and swallow. It won't take away the depression, but it will help a little bit with feeling more energized.

A hobby that I enjoy is ABJD (asian ball jointed dolls) they are highly customisable dolls (you can paint the face or comission someone, change the eyes, the hair) that you can pose and take pictures of. They can stand up right on their own to feet, and when double jointed can sit in kneeling position. The great thing about this hobby is that you can be creative with it, there are so many possibilities, I mean how cool is it to be able to hold your own characters in your hands and take pictures of them? This hobby saved me when I was having similar feelings as the one you are describing. Hopefully it can make a similar difference for you. Don't let the price-tags scare you off, you don't need to physically own one to be in the hobby, and there are plenty of more affordable BJDcomapies. You can even aspire to make your own. The people in the hobby are all very friendly, there's forums you can join that are very helpful and have a lot of information about the hobby on them, and you can always come to me with questions as well.

And last but not least, artists tend to be hard on themselves. The truth is, there will always be someone who is better than you at art, but there will also always be someone who looks up to your art and wishes they were at your level. If only the best birds sang the forest would be pretty quiet ;)

Oh and if you have a counselor at your school, it helps to talk with them if they are any good.

If you're looking for more rp these are some of the fandoms I like: dragon age, star trek, detroit: become human, fairytail(the anime), naruto, tinkerbell. I probably won't be too active as a partner as I'm going through depression myself and starting therapy for my anxiety disorder today. x_x I'm forcing myself to keep trying and keep seeing different professionals even though nothing as panned out so far.

I was half-way through writing a reply months ago, but then my browser crashed and ate all the text. I'm still around! And feeling better for the time being.

The work I attended at summer was a soul-crushing hell that made me terrified that the rest of my life could turn out like that, but it's over now. I'm attending school once again - going to all the classes, signing up for optional courses and spending evenings in the computer room, drawing on my tablet. I might graduate this spring if I can keep it up. I'm worried that this is all temporary because I'm still no closer to figuring out what I want to do with my life, and that I'll go back into "hikikomori mode" once things start piling up. But it feels good to see people and do stuff, even if most of the faces are new.

I was very grateful for all the replies. I'd written that post to vent and although I'd wanted help or feedback I'd not expected anyone to read or care.

Thank you for your reply. It feels...well, I can't say "good" to see so many people who relate to my experience on some level or another, because I can't obviously be happy about others having experienced depression, but it makes me feel less alone.

I think I got part-way through on the video about depression and I definitely watched through the one on loneliness,which actually had a lot of good advice in it.

I'm not really sure if I can call my current state "depression" anymore, as it's not really constant. I guess everyone feel sad from time to time but I'm pretty sure most people don't get fits of gloom that feel never-ending and make them feel sorry their city has no high enough buildings to safely jump off from. My moods are manageable though, since I know I'll feel better in a few days and honestly I've been happy quite often since I quit my summer job. My art block seems to have lessened as well, which means I'll need to start practicing again because I feel terribly rusty.

Thank you for the assuring words regarding social anxiety. As I'm back in college right now I'll be exposing myself to people again, which I hope will alleviate the fears I experience.

Those "friends" I was afraid to lose because the only thing in common among us were roleplays...well, the group fell apart among a lot of nasty infighting over the weekend. So time will tell if I'll still remain in contact with them. We do have some events planned for us to meet up in the future, and someone will probably get bored and start a new series. However, for now it feels rather hollow and lonely. I'm hoping those emotions will push me to seek some friendships among the people in my school. Perhaps it'll be for the best. I'm in need of new hobbies after all, since I want to feel connected to someone.

I thank you once again for your really thought-out and long reply. The first time I read what you and Poetry had written I'd had tears in my eyes by the time I was done.

Thank you. It felt really good to read about your experiences with life and your assurance that it gets better. I hope you feel better as well now, it's been a couple of months since you replied to me.

I've not been diagnosed but I think I do have social anxiety. Or some kind of anxiety, nonetheless. It keeps me from some things - namely, roleplaying live or via voicechat or game-mastering roleplays for my friends. And makes other things extremely difficult, such as attending LARPs, parties or social interactions and calling strangers on the phone. I've had times when I overthink very simple dilemmas, either freezing and going mute or starting to stutter and speak too fast. I'm not quite sure how to help myself other than to try and expose myself to people and novel situations more often. I don't think I really want to see a professional or get meds for it because, well...it's all in my head, and it's not even consistent. I have days where the thought of so much as getting hugged or being in a crowded room is mortifying yet other times I'm fine. I'm certain I'll get better over time though.

And I wanted to thank you for the song. I added it to my favorites and it's got a good chance of becoming the theme tune of my life. :)

I don't consider being an art teacher as a suitable career myself, as I'm both annoyed and terrified of kids. (much to the chagrin of my mother who's hinting that one of her offsprings should start thinking about popping out some grandchildren, whilst my sister and I have privately agreed to just let the bloodline die out XD)

I've been asked what happiness and "an ideal world" meant for me. When I'm feeling down it's really hard to articulate, because my goals seem stupid and distant to the point where it hurts to think of them. Right now I...suppose I feel I'd like to travel. I'd like to go someplace warm but not overcrowded. I'd like to learn how to dive. Those feel like they'd be happy experiences.

To accomplish that I'd need a job. I'd like the job not to feel soul-crushing whilst also being something necessary, figuring that out is going to be the difficult part. Figuring out what I want of life. Honestly I think the key to that might be to address my anxiety and self-image, so I'd be less scared at work and in social situations all the time. I suppose if I was less scared it'd be easier to actually evaluate my options rather than dismiss them because I'm "not good enough".

I live further north than the UK so I'm already taking vitamin D pills during winter months. They seem to work. Thank you for the recommendations. I'm fascinated by BJD's but I'm not really looking into getting into an expensive hobby when I don't have a means of income. And thank you for those words on art as well. I suppose I just feel really stuck with my career and personal life options. The school I attend has no counselor and I found out that I can't have a psychologist in both my home-town (where I live only during breaks and where I've got this wonderful psychologist whom I've been seeing since highschool) and my study-town (which I spend the majority of time in). So for now I'm stuck with no councelor nor psychologist for the majority of the year since I don't really want to take my chances with the new one... And thank you for the offer of roleplay but I think I'll need to pass. :) I tend to be picky with my roleplays, preferring a sort of...script-style play with a game master to move the side-characters along etc. My most recent series, that'd gone on for two years and three months, just died in a weeks-long dumpster fire (in which I was just an onlooker, mind you). So I'm still sort of getting over that, and getting over missing my character and all the NPCs I'll never get to see again. I get too deeply invested in roleplays. Way, way, way too deeply. Unhealthily deeply. I'm hoping that perhaps I could manage to actually finish school if I can properly concentrate on real-life issues for a while rather than character-stuff. Perhaps I'll even be better for doing so because it might push me out of my shell and motivate me to find some "real people" to hang out with...

I know this is a bit old, but I just wanna say you sound a LOT like me. I'm on the autism spectrum, and basically my only interests are my characters (writing, RPing and drawing them), games or petsites. I don't really have anyone but my mom and a few online friends. I'm content with this for now, but I am scared of the future, because I have no life skills or anyone to rely on

I'm not going to reply to OP's post because it's been a long while, but just want to point out that people who work retail and similar jobs aren't "faceless" and they're not a monolith. They're people who have lives outside of work and it sounds really weird to assume they're faceless or don't do anything worthwhile. I don't currently have a job like this but just wanted to remind people of that.

, you say you have no life skills. Is there a reason why you can't learn them? If you've acknowledged that's an issue then you can always try to change it. You say you have your mother, maybe you can ask her to teach you those skills and I'm sure she'll be happy to oblige. Making new friends is trickier if you're on the spectrum and I don't know your situation but if there's ways to make friends in your area, go for it. You don't have to feel like this forever. Also, interests aren't (necessarily) a job. Sometimes people get to work on stuff that overlaps with their interests, sometimes they don't and that's ok too. There's a reason why people can have hobbies that are separate from their jobs. You say you're into writing, have you thought of trying to freelance or do art comms? That could get you started in getting some money from things you're good at.

That's a good call-out actually, and something I need to reflect upon. I suppose I'd intended to write that sentence with my fears and anxieties in mind, the "faceless" bit being meant as more of a statement for what I feel is the general way people look at retail workers here. I know they've got lives outside their jobs but I've worked in retail both before and after making the original post. I still hope I won't have to spend the rest of my life there. I definitely got the sense that, for the customers, I was a living prop not a person during my shifts, and the work itself left me feeling very unfulfilled. Apart from 1-2 exceptions all the fellow employees seemed tired, stressed and generally miserable, with numerous work-related health issues. That said, I've had the good luck to have had absolutely fantastic, encouraging managers who never failed to stick up for me.

Thanks for replying! Your situation does sound a lot like me. If it helps, then life skills are something that can be gained by...well, living your life. Personally I try to force myself into uncomfortable situations i.e. parties or meet-ups and push myself a bit to maybe feel a connection to someone every once in a while, or gain experiences that'll be useful in the future. And as the person above said, perhaps your mother could help you with learning new things?

=== As I'm posting in this old thread I feel it also worth mentioning that I think I've gotten my shit together for now. I'm attending school, have someone who orders regular commissions from me (just one person but that's still something!). I've also got a good idea for what to paint as my finals' work and for now I attend a DnD group weekly. I still feel anxious and lonely on the regular but from what I've heard it seems like it's the new "normal", and the levels of these emotions are something that I can handle.

no worries, I get it. Workers can seem really faceless to most costumers and that sucks, plus job security and the work environment in retail can be very dehumanizing. I completely understand where you're coming from now. I just initially interpreted as someone seeing the workers exactly that way. :)

I'm glad things have gotten better for you! Right now that may be just one person but that's already a step in the right direction. Hope your DnD group is fun!