We put down our cat, Tilly, today. I didn't cry, but I came close when she took her last deep breath. She had a growth on her leg and she was limping and in pain, and then there was a new growth found yesterday by my mom. Today she started showing neurological symptoms. She also had a heart murmur and heart arrhythmia. It just reminded me of my last two pets, and I'm just glad we were able to stop her pain before she died from it. She was going to have surgery but her white and red blood cell counts were very low.

My parents were crying, but I was.... stoic? I'm wondering if it's because of my meds (quetiapine, diazepam) or past working in a nursing home in the Alzheimer's wing (had to do a lot of state work and most had DNR's) or because of our last two pets who died at home from brain cancer and seizures, respectively. The last one haunted me I had to take lorazepam to help me sleep after that. Or maybe because I know what it's like to live in chronic pain and want it to just end, no matter how?

Yes, I have a degree and graduate schooling in psychology, I see a psychologist, but sometimes I just need confirmation that it's okay for me to feel or do what I feel or do.

She was a beautiful cat, and everyone who ever saw her remarked her beauty and her lovely green eyes.

Please don't feel like you need to try and justify your feelings. Grief is personal and different in every situation and it's absolutely okay to feel like you do. In fact I had a similar situation with my dog who was chronically ill, who eventually got worse and worse to the point where we too had to put him down. Putting your pet out of their misery is incredibly distressing but more than that it's incredibly brave, and you can absolutely take comfort in that you were able to stop her pain and allow her to have a dignified death. A pet's death is heartbreaking as they really do become part of the fabrics of your daily life. I'm so sorry for your loss!

Thank you. It's still hard seeing her cat toys, and my parents are acting like everything's normal now. Maybe it's easier this time because we were able to help her suffering, unlike our last two pets, where we were too late. Maybe because we know chronic pain, years of it, will wear anyone down, so I'm glad we were able to help Tilly.

I understand what you went through. Back in May 2017, my cat Mikey had gotten sick from FIP. We spent almost the entire month trying to keep him alive. Then on May 30, 2017, he had to be put down. I stared into his eyes so that I would be the last thing he saw as he died. The whole month of May was heartbreaking as Mikey was doing well the month before. I had him since November of 2015 and even then it was too short.

I'm sorry that you had such a short time with your cat. It's the responsibility we take on, I suppose, when we take in new animals. They become part of the family but their lives are short. The first cat we ever had grew up with me and was the same age as I was (16) when she died. It's hard no matter what. But we have a nice little memorial to her with the ashes we picked up from the animal hospital. That thing they do with the sand, they put her paw prints in it so we'll forever see her little paws and we put a picture in the slot that came with it. She was such a beautiful kitty, everyone said so. Her fur color and pattern, and especially her lovely green eyes. She never hissed, bit, or growled. I'm glad we were able to give her comfort and love.

I'm sorry :( They are too kind to live much, ey? :/

I had one cat I adopted die few weeks after I took her in. She was such a sweetheart. A little tiny baby. She used to crawl up my clothes till my shoulders and just sit there like a pirates parrot. She couldn't leave my side like ever. Would follow me anywhere.

I woke up really early this day (very unusual for me, I was depressed and used to wake up 12-13 pm), it was like 5 in the morning when saw her next to me in bed (she slept with me cause as I said, she wouldnt leave my side). I ran to the emergency vet but he said that she was dead for a while cause her body was already rigid... I still blame myself we never found the reason of her death (I didn't want to investigate further) and I think I might have accidentally smothered her in my sleep or something because she was so tiny.

Was the first pet I saw dead... I cried and screamed like a mother who loses their child.. Still cry now just remembering it and it has been about 5 years ago I think. Her name was Taiga.

I also had my girlfriend's cat on my hands when she died...It was so hard not to blame myself too...

I said to my love that it would be ok, and it was not like she was gonna die or something (we joked about this later, crying). Healthy looking cat, she was having a little troubled breathing. We thought it was because we raised much dirt cleaning up the whole house and we have also used a different cat litter that could be giving her some kind of allergies...

I took her to the vet and even she didn't thought it was something to be worried about, but she asked me to go take some x-rays just to be sure.

I went there and she started feelling worse and worse (all that in the same day). The vet at the place where they do x-rays just gave me the documents and said I should go back to her vet as soon as possible. He didn't say anything else, I called a cab...

She died there, vomiting the meds that the x-ray vet gave to stabilize her. She slowly stopped breathing in the way to her vet and I was stuck at trafic. Tried CPR, but to no use, I don't even know how to do It properly and think I could've held her going till we got there if I only knew CPR or if I had took her to the vet when the first sign of heavy breathing showed up...

The vet tried reanimating her but she was gone... She said that Lexa (it was her name) had water in her lunghs and some hereditary heart problem... Her heart was LITERALLY too big to her tiny body.

She was also a sweetheart. Would cuddle up to me all day long purring and loved me too, following me on my gf's house. Still cry to this day too.

Sorry I told too much of my stories when it's about you. Felt like I wanted to take it out of my chest a little bit too...

But anyway, its ok for you to fell anyway you do and it doesn't matter you are not grieving your loss. You are, in your own way. And it will eventually fell better. For us all (that lost dear pets).

Maybe your parents just already cried what thet had to and are trying to move on. That's maybe their way of grieving too..

I think it doesn't matter if you are on meds or if you've worked on this or that and got used to some things... You are just allowed to feel and demonstrate things your own way and no one can or should interfere with that...

I hope my english was at least undertandable (I'm not native nor used to "talk" this much...

It's very normal to not show vivid emotions in times of grief. Sometimes I am the same way (?) but that often has to do with misplaced emotional reactions. I can relate though to having to put down a family pet because of health issues. If you don't mind me telling you, we had a small cat named Ariel who was perfectly fine and normal so my sister took her under her care but...oddly her hind legs stopped working? My sister had taken Ariel to the vet over it but they didn't know what was wrong because she didn't have any fractures or something to indicate trauma or sickness had happened. Well, during this time my sister went on a trip with my mom out of the country so me and my brother were left to care for the kitty who was now completely paralyzed from behind. During that week, her condition just got worse and worse...to where she ended up getting a leg fracture that became infected and..god thinking about it gets me emotional...and so in the span of days we didn't know if she would make it. Me nor my brother had money to take her to the vet. That was until my mom and sister came back to the house and we rushed her to the emergency vet who we pleaded give us an amputation option but she recommended that putting her down was the best. The vet explained the infection had spread to her blood and she was likely in too much pain to undergo any operation. So we ultimately had to put her down while me and my sister held her close. It was a very grim moment to remember but at the time it didn't make me cry. I only cried until I was alone and began to chastise myself for what I could have done better, even though I knew that I did the best I could.

No one should tell you how you should grief over a loved family member. You loved your cat and it shows so that's all there is to it. You certainly aren't alone so I hope no one is putting you down for it.