Some advice

I’ve been seeing a lady for about 8months now.

When a lady says she is dating you- what does that entail? Does it mean she is single but considering you ? If she says she makes no promises, what does she mean by that?

She said she is not ready for me to live with her. She has witnessed many friends who have lived together for the wrong reasons and so this weighs on her.

There are many couples who are deeply inlove, that still have their own space - still live happily together and keep their love within that respect

Would appreciate any insight or advice

To me, "dating" implies you spend time together as a treat which can be casual.

You have a traditional goal and agenda in mind that she doesn't share. You say you want to "encourage her to" and "help her" do things your way, but be careful that you are assuming what you want for her is better than what she wants for herself. Is living together more beneficial to you or her?

Most women know that the "normal life" is to date, live together and get married. Experienced women know about the unhealthy dynamics, danger of "settling," being together only because they hate to be alone, and mental/emotional abuse that comes when people get sick of each other or their habits. Its a very common thing that is rarely openly talked about. Also, having total control over their own space and time, all the peace and privacy in the world is not bad either.

Ask yourself why you want to live with her when that is not what she wants. You write about her as a female filling the roles of a relationship, but nothing about why she is special to you from other women who could do the same.

My only advice is to either open your mind and stop worrying about making her fill a role for you - just enjoy your time together and appreciate each others personalities, or move on to someone who shares your goals. Some couples spend years together only to break off because one wants a kid and the other doesn't. In the end you can not convince someone you know what's best for them, even therapists and counselors know not to do that.

Holden said it extremely well. You can't make her give up her freedom because it's comfortable for you. You can easily be together and not live together. Besides, you already said that you don't have the money to live with her, so I completely see why she wouldn't want to take that step with you yet.

My only additions are, that if you want to know what dating means to her, you should ask her. I'm hearing you say that you just want to know if you're as special to her as she is to you, which is perfectly natural. Communication is everything, and you should talk with her about what dating means to you both, so you can ask her about her perspective on it, and possibly ask her to go more steady. If it turns out that you want different things in your relationship, that's okay. Then you just have to consider if you're happy living in a relation with her that is defined as it is right now.

Thank you for your thoughts and advice.