How do you get over your social awkwardness
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I don't want to call it anxiety because it makes me anxious but I don't know if it IS actually anxiety.. if that makes sense. Also, I have big trouble with trying to focus on things or getting my thoughts coherent enough for other people.. Anyway,. I suck at talking to people. I'm in a constant state of panic when I have t o because I'm worried that I talk to much or to little, I worry if I answered their question in too much detail or to little detail. Even online. Or that I might say something that other's will misinterpret which happens a lot, some people think i'm arguing with them when I just wanted to discuss something. Then I lay in bed, possibly cry, for like an hour because that interaction was too much. (all this goes for both online and offline) I can't even talk to a doctor. So I need advice on how to over come this. and "Just talk to people" doesn't help in the slightest... I know that's like the most easiest and biggest and probably the only solution but I've tried and it makes me feel worse..
Anyway, the whole reason for this is, I'm stressing out because a course I wanted to take is for journalism and one of the assessments is "Online Discussion (30-40%)" and that's what I'm worried about, the socialization part. I know this is a stupid thing but yea.. I tried doing a veterinary course but I dropped out halfway-ish because I couldn't handle being in a room with that many people, i just narrowly avoided failing a course because I couldn't do the group thing where this guy came with animals and we had to walk around and answer questions on a sheet of paper and I couldn't even get through or ask for help and I literally almost cried when the teacher called me up for a talk about my work and I'm 26 and I should be mature by now and I realize now I'm writing a frikken paper about my issues and I'll probably regret typing any of this like I always do and I'm going to go take a nap.
What you're describing sounds exactly like me before I got help. I used to have serious social anxiety but I eventually talked to my doctor about it and she prescribed paroxetine (which is the generic of Paxil) and it only took a few months to really get to the point where I could talk to people and not feel like an idiot. I actually work in a customer service position now where I talk to tons of people every day. Is it perfect all the time? No. But I feel like a reasonably normal human being now. So I think maybe talking to a doctor would be a good idea for you.
I understand where you are coming from. It was extremely hard for me in college when I had to interact with a lot of different people. But it does get easier after a while if I actually mentally prepare myself for the interactions that know are going to happen.
I think I might have some tips that could be helpful.
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These are somethings that I learned when I was in counseling, and they have actually helped me. I hope they can help you.
- Try mentally preparing yourself for the situation. Like for class, before going try to take a few minutes for yourself and practice some deep breathing to calm yourself down and importantly remind yourself that you are going to be okay. Just try to think more positively and push any negative thoughts aside if you can. For me, going in with a good mindset really helped me prepare myself with the situations.
-Join a support group- Sometimes it really just helps to join like an online support group because you're able to see that you are not alone in the situation. Try sharing your story with them and I'm sure that there will be people that can help you and offer really good advice.
-Try not to worry about what you said. I know it’s a hard thing to do because I seriously have times that I replay conversations that I had years ago, and I sometimes cringe at them. But when you keep on worrying about what you said, it’s going to wear you out. For example, posting online is something that is going to be difficult because people tend to interpret things differently. It really is important to remind yourself that people are going to do that, and it really isn't something that you can control.
-Try being open about your social awkwardness. Sometimes putting that out there can really help because sometimes people tend to be more understanding when they know what is going on.
-Make goals for yourself and keep track of your progress in a journal. Now the goals can be really simple like "I'm going to try to ask a person how there weekend was" or something more complex like "My goal is to take more in-person classes in the near future". The important thing is to think of something that you really want to achieve and make sure you give yourself a reasonable time frame, and to take time and map out steps on how you're going to achieve the goal.
-Ask for help- I know you said that it’s hard to talk to your doctor, but you should try talking to them about it. They might have something that they can give you or suggest seeing a counselor that can help you develop coping mechanisms. I did this because I had such a hard time functioning and I just needed professional help. I’m doing a lot better because of it.
-REWARD YOURSELF- really imporant to do. Like you are doing something that is extremely hard for you to do, and is taking a lot of energy out of you. It's really important to do something that you like afterwards to unwind. For example, after the in person part of class, have it that you go get yourself a coffee or something that you like and just chill. Take time to listen to an episode of Kings Fall AM or Welcome to Night Vale.
art by the amazing ||
I would highly recommend you grab a copy of this book if you can. The book goes over possible underlying reasons for different kinds of anxiety and social phobias and has exercises and tips for combatting the negative thoughts that feed into them. It really helped me get on a better path to socializing. I still have trouble initiating conversations with people (because I feel like a worthless lump that's just bothering somebody) but I've also been able to put myself out there more (like selling art at conventions. LOTS of people to talk to, and I don't think I would have ever managed that even five years ago.)
I know the pain. I can be around people, for the most part but chatting with anyone or even wanting to ask for help in a shop or something really makes me feel uncomfortable.
There have been many times were I would so badly want to strike up a conversation or just even offer a compliment to someone and I just could not go through with it.
I also have a hard time looking at people and I feel like even if I glance at them for just a moment I may have just ruined their day.
This is why I personally prefer online chatting and socializing. It's not easy by any means but for me it's 10x easier than being face to face with people.
Yeah sorry that helped nothing.
My friends with social anxiety rely a lot on me as a buffer (very extroverted)
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While taking meds is helpful, before you go on anything I would seek out a therapist. I've had social anxiety for a long time, and having a professional to talk to is really helpful. They can also help diagnose things that your doctor might not have time to think about.
Plus, some doctor's are hesitant to prescribe meds for mental health before you go to a therapist/psychiatrist, and some might even flat out say to find a psychiatrist for them.
And yeah, "just go talk to people" never helps lol. People already have mentioned some good tips but it's important to find out what works for you in a safe setting.
Hope this helps. <3
this is basically how I am right now but I didn't have issues in my teenage years talking online but I did have social anxiety back then when I was face to face with someone but now it happens online now, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just wanted to say you're not alone.
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